Moral Dilemma - Should I tell my friend?

I'd call the Gardai straight off. Even if the money was returned, the individual should be held responsible for their actions. Forget these people being friends or guests. One of them stole a significant sum of money from you. Provide the Gardai with the guestlist, give them all relevant information and let them take it from there.
 
Hi
There is no need to be so circumspect, really.
You are down €4000.(FOUR THOUSAND EUROS)
Fair enough to point this out to people who were present prior to it disappearing.
You're being too nice..And whoever stole from you is laughing all the way to the carribean holiday you could have had...
 
Sounds like an episode of Rosemary and Thyme :)

It really depends on what you are willing to do yourself. If you're happy to allow someone to steal from you and brush it under the carpet, then do just that. This is absolutely what the thief is banking on you doing.

If it was me I'd ring the gardai. Then ring everyone who was in your house and let them know a theft has occurred in your home. Let them know the gardai are now involved and you are looking for all names and addresses as the gardai have requested them and they will be in contact. You could mention that if the money is returned/dropped through your letterbox within the next 24 hours you will drop the case. Alternatively let the gardai do their job.
 
PM1234 said:
Sounds like an episode of Rosemary and Thyme :)

It really depends on what you are willing to do yourself. If you're happy to allow someone to steal from you and brush it under the carpet, then do just that. This is absolutely what the thief is banking on you doing.

If it was me I'd ring the gardai. Then ring everyone who was in your house and let them know a theft has occurred in your home. Let them know the gardai are now involved and you are looking for all names and addresses as the gardai have requested them and they will be in contact. You could mention that if the money is returned/dropped through your letterbox within the next 24 hours you will drop the case. Alternatively let the gardai do their job.
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I was thinking of suggesting the same, but would the Gardai drop it just like that? I suppose if the OP told them they made a mistake or it was a misunderstanding or just withdrew the statement?
 
Could there be any reasonable explanation for the alleged disappearance of the money other than the friend's girlfriend taking it? Think carefully and objectively about this.
 
Tough one Miselemeas. Here`s what I would do, ONLY if you are sure this person took the money.Somehow get a message to them informing them that you have a security camera in your kitchen and on reviewing the recording it shows them removing the cash from the jar. Tell them that the gardai are interested to get the footage but that you are reluctant to hand it over as it will have undesireable consequences for your friendship with your culinary buddy, whereas if you say you are just getting the gardai involved for fingerprinting etc they probably know that it is no mystery that they were in the kitchen and so probably handled the jar anyway and does not incriminate them. This way you don`t have to involve anyone else and hopefully they will come clean and return your cash.
Best of luck anyway.
 
Tell em your pretty sure its them and that your sending the jar off for prints. If shje gives it back no one need know and thats that.
 
Plenty of food for thought there, thanks so much. No other reasonable explanation comes to mind Clubman as there is only myself and hubby living in the house.
 
Get the jar fingerprinted. Invite all who were there to volunteer prints on a specific day. This may cause the light fingered artist to book a last minute holiday/attend an out-of-town funeral/witter on about 'human rights' etc. If I'd read this in a red mast paper I would have thought it as being in the urban myth range.;)
 
Slaphead said:
Tell em your pretty sure its them and that your sending the jar off for prints. If shje gives it back no one need know and thats that.
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Yeah I agree. Definitely do not let this go. You seem to be fairly ok with the fact that you're 4k out of pocket (As opposed to me, who would be out for blood!). Think about if she did this to someone else. What if it was a mortgage/rent payment etc?
 
What reason is there for NOT telling the Guards?

The anonymous note idea is just making a worse mess out of what is already a mess. It basically means you are acussing someone without evidence - how bad would you look if you were wrong eh?

I dont understand why you dont just do as you would do had your home been broken into and money stolen - call the Guards, tell them money has been stolen, and let them take it from there.
 
Slaphead said:
Tell em your pretty sure its them and that your sending the jar off for prints. If shje gives it back no one need know and thats that.
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Simeon said:
Get the jar fingerprinted. Invite all who were there to volunteer prints on a specific day. This may cause the light fingered artist to book a last minute holiday/attend an out-of-town funeral/witter on about 'human rights' etc. If I'd read this in a red mast paper I would have thought it as being in the urban myth range.;)
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You are both joking right? If any friend of mine asked me to submit to fingerprinting on foot of an incident like this I would most likely terminate the friendship there and then. Especially if I was innocent! :D On the other hand you could invite them all back around and play a real life game of Cluedo.
 
I would advise talking to the friend of 6 years - tell him that a large amount of money went missing that evening from the kitchen and ask did he notice anything? Do not make any accusations or even hint that you think it his girlfriend - let him come to this conclusion on his own. It is an awful lot of money to lose and you are lucky that you have a relaxed attitude to its loss. Lesson of the week? Don't leave money in pots around the house.
 
In answer to your question, I do think that you should tell your friend. If he is as good a friend as you would seem to think then he will listen to you and not think that you are making it up. If he flips out then I'm sorry but you will have to accept that he's taking the word of a woman whom he's already expressed doubts about over yours - he's just doesn't value the friendship as much as you do. Re the money, it's all well and good saying that it doesn't matter now - but I would suggest that this will just fester and fester until you have to say something and by then it will be too late to be taken seriously, people will wonder why you didn't bother chasing up on €4000. Either way, something like this always comes out one way or another - so speak to your friend and/or confront the girlfriend - forget about fingerprinting etc - just be honest and straight forward.
 
Horrible thing to happen and I feel for you. I was a guest at a wedding reception party held in a house, where there was only about 30 people, all guests, no staff, where four of the ladies purses were dipped. The couple felt awful and wanted to refund the people out of their own pockets, but nobody would hear that and it put a real dampner on the day.

I agree with the posters who feel that if you let it go, it will fester. The other side of it, you trusted these people in your home and that is the hard part to accept. I also feel that if you tell your friend, he might not want to believe you - so you have a tough dilemma, no matter what you do. If the person concerned is that brazen, unless they were caught with their hand in the cookie jar(so to speak), it is highly unlikely that they will admit to anything or that you will get your money back.
 
miselemeas said:
The only people who were in the kitchen when I wasn't there were my friend and his gf. I have known him for 6 years and he is straight as a die, very decent guy. She has told me lies in the past. The guests (4) were husband's sisters/brother and sis-in-law, and I know they would be upset to hear about it so would prefer if they didn't know.
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I urge you not to involve the Gardai on the scale that posters are suggesting - if at all - I don't know what other posters are thinking about.

You have already stated that you can live with the loss of the 4K

How do any of the posters think you can involve the Gardai without seriously damaging the relationship you have with your husband's family and your friend.

Terrible situation you find yourself in - I think you have to speak to your friend for his own good but I don't envy you that task. You may lose him
 
badge55 said:
How do any of the posters think you can involve the Gardai without seriously damaging the relationship you have with your husband's family and your friend.
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I dont understand how telling the guards about a theft in the house at a party attended by family members will damage the relationship with those family members if they are innocent? Surely they would be outraged on the behalf of the OP and want the situation sorted out also?

If I attended a party in my in-laws home (or indeed my siblings) and found out afterwards that there had been a theft (and I knew I was innocent)and I was to be interviewed by guards, Id be more than happy to speak to the guards - who wouldnt be? It would have no impact on my relationship with the person who held the party.
 
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