Chalk it down. I am well in the same boat. I love my life, waking up every day thinking how great life is. Since I left home I haven't lived in one place nor worked in one place longer than a few years. I don't need a life changing experience - I know what I value in life and I honour it, and I honour people. I fear a child would be the worst thing that could happen to me, but I have to consider it for the sake of my OH.ClubMan said:In relation to some of the other comments about wanting/not wanting children I have to say that I varied from decisively not wanting them to not being that pushed....
However my wife was different and while it was not a dominant issue in our relationship (of c. 16 years now including 5 of marriage) it was something that we were both aware of and on which point we both understood our respective views.
michaelm said:Sol28: It's spurious to suggest that 'society hasn't grown up enough' because it places the Adam and Eve model ahead of the Adam and Steve model.
michaelm said:Looking after children can be very tough at times but is also hugely rewarding. Age is a factor as, amongst other things, it gets harder to conceive and the curve for Downs and other issues start to rise steeply after 35. Talk of 'stable relationships' is all well and good but if you're going to have children, in Ireland anyway, you should strongly consider getting married first. Also if you're going to have a few kids you should forget about job/career, commuting, crèches etc and be prepared to sacrifice one income and look after your own children yourself, at least until you get the youngest out to school. Sol28: It's spurious to suggest that 'society hasn't grown up enough' because it places the Adam and Eve model ahead of the Adam and Steve model. ZEGAR: it's sound like you should be taking Folic acid, just in case.
Sol28 said:Just my point made - Thank you!I would in every circumstance prefer to see a child born and raised by two loving parents who are in a stable relationship, Than any one take on the burden alone. I see more kids being born to those who dont want them or had an "accident" or two or ten.
I know of one irish case - M-M couple and F-F couple had a kid - Raised by the female couple - But that kid had 4 loving and fully supportive 'parents' who had to go to a lot of hassle to have that kid - I think that kid is lucky - because it was wanted, planned for and provided for.
ney001 said:Re giving up work etc I completely disagree, we couldn't afford to live on one income, we couldn't pay mortgage, pay for cars etc without two incomes - as is the way in a lot of homes in Ireland these days. Even if we could afford to live on OH's income (which is the highest), why should women feel that they have to give up their jobs and independance while man heads off to work every day. I don't think it should be one or the other - I think you can work and have kids, the only real priorty should be providing a stable, healthy and happy home for any little ones you bring into the world.
If you crunch the numbers you might be surprised what is achievable; although Tax Individualisation does make it a bit more difficult.ney001 said:. . we couldn't afford to live on one income, we couldn't pay mortgage, pay for cars etc without two incomes
It's not a case of 'have to' but that you can 'choose to' on the basis that the best environment for pre-school children is their own home with one of their parents. I feel sorry for the little ones whom are woken early to be driven to some crèche every morning and might spend up to 10 hours there before being collected in the evening.ney001 said:. . why should women feel that they have to give up their jobs and independance while man heads off to work every day.
Actually - and I'm not being facetious here - at various times I wondered, for various reasons, if having a child might be the worst thing that could happen to the child! However, even if it's early days, it hasn't worked out anything like that so far. Looking at things more objectively I reckon that this was distorted thinking on my part.shnaek said:I fear a child would be the worst thing that could happen to me
I haven't come across this figure. I guess it may be an average figure which masks the spike in fertility which occurs for the 2-3 days around ovulation. [broken link removed] mentions that 'It is estimated that women in their 30s, particularly those over the age of 35, have less than a 10% chance per month of becoming pregnant'. If this statement is intended to equate an IVF cycle with intercourse, it is way off the mark.ClubMan said:Similarly the chances of conception through intercourse are on average c. 20-30% if I recall correctly.
michaelm said:Age is a factor as, amongst other things...
The child would have me wrapped around it's fingers, just like the OH has at the moClubMan said:Actually - and I'm not being facetious here - at various times I wondered, for various reasons, if having a child might be the worst thing that could happen to the child!
Betsy Og said:Ideally the above would apply and all women would be "women who can have it all" .... if they wanted. I'd say the tables have turned a bit on that one in that a woman who wants to stay home is at risk of being labelled lazy/unambitious/a failure. My OH, Mrs. Betsy, is on maternity leave with #1. I am at pains to point out that I'm not ordering her back to work and that I wouldnt think she's a sponger/failure if she didnt. Luckily we'd get by/be fine on my wage so thats enough for me. Less wealth would be more than compensated for by a less rushed home.
Who said that it was?RainyDay said:IVF is not a fun experience. Of course, in the context of the end result, it is absolutely worth it, but it is not 'similar to intercourse'.
I came across it recently in this book. A quick Google search suggests that it is indeed a commonly accepted average figure. Of course averages can be misleading. My point was to clarify in the context of the overall discussion that there is absolutely no certainty about conceiving through intercourse even when there are no overriding fertility problems.RainyDay said:I haven't come across this figure.
For what it's worth I neither made nor inferred either of these points.IVF is not a fun experience. Of course, in the context of the end result, it is absolutely worth it, but it is not 'similar to intercourse'.
ZEGAR said:I do however see one cruelty in same sex parent situations ,and that is how they are treated by society.Many people would disagree with placing a child in this situation.
Of course this is societies problem but a change is society is not going to happen over night..
I do think we are moving in that direction slowly but surely.
daveco23 said:As to the question of when / where / best time to have a baby, the answer is that there is no answer. If you look at it, there is no right time - there will always be some obtacle on the horizon you feel you have to clear before the time is right. One could have done everything, travelled, career, right partner, right house, right age, but there will always be something around the corner to put kids on the back burner. Bottom line is that if you both want them then have them. As mentioned earlier, everything else just falls into place.
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