Secret wedding- would you be offended if not invited

Ruffian said:
Since we have all been involved in the planning shouldn't we all expect an invite?
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If anyone wants to be a witness you’re more than welcome haha but I’d only need 2!

Reading through all the responses and having another discussion with the OH the ‘invite no one’ option is winning out ….

Hopefully everyone will be secretly happy we got married after so long …. No longer ‘living in sin’ and glad they didn’t have the expense of another wedding ….

If it doesn’t go that way and everyone is annoyed with us, expect another question here in a few months …. How to get our families to talk to us after marrying in secret …..

Thanks for all the responses and giggles … I can’t ‘react’ to any of the messages as I’m only a newbie ….
 
Important thing about a wedding is that it is your day and no one elses. In our case, we kept the numbers to around 50 on the basis that if we made it bigger, we'd end up offending a lot of people and loose control of what we wanted to do. So much around weddings these days is a complete and uttter waste of money. A nice venue and decent grub is all most people want.

Having said that, if one of my kids went off and told me afterwards that they had done it, I'd be very hurt. I'd get over it (depending on who they were marrying) but I would be very hurt.
 
Yes some people do get offended, even though they have no right to be!

I got engaged in March 2022, got married the following month in the registry office just myself and my husband, off to The Merrion for the night and then on a Cruise for 4 days, pure perfection and no stressing over anything or most of all trying to put on a show for a day we couldn't afford!

It was wedding no 2 for both of us, the following month we got a celebrant to the house and we had an 'adoption / family' ceremony for us and his 3 children who were 13/14/19 at the time. Out for dinner and we were all on the sofa at 9pm watching films it was just lovely.

My best friend of 20 years took great offence to this, we were each other's bridesmaids already so not like we have not had the big day out before! We had a wedding planned pre covid and decided to put our money in to getting out of my apartment and into a house instead (a much better investment!) and basically she didn't like this change of plan - which I admit we did keep to ourselves but it's out business what we do with our relationship / marriage.

Our families were very happy for us, his children were delighted not to be on show for the day with people who are not their 'family', it was a win win but sadly did cost me our friendship, she unfriended me on social media while I was on honeymoon - charming!

Anyway moral of the story, you are an adult do what you want!
(EDIT we had our bosses as our witness in the registry office to keep it neutral)
 
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DannyBoyD said:
At least have your parents, they brought you into the world & cared for you.
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My mother in law was only delighted we were not having a wedding, she made the chq out to me as a way of thank you for her not having to do a wedding she hates them that much lol.

I love that woman she is a legend!

(we specifically asked for no gifts from anybody but that a card with a lovely handwritten message as a memento to look back on would be lovely)
 
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Peanuts20 said:
your day and no one elses.
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This is true but people interpreted it differently.

For us it was about having our friends and family together and so when picking venues that was a consideration.

I have seen others place huge demands on guests for travel, what they can wear and even then menu. For example vegetarians I know only offered vegetarian on the menu on the day and same for the place they booked out for day two (even though guests paid!).

Basically it’s “our day” and you are here to make us happy.
 
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faketales said:
I have seen others place huge demands on guests for travel, what they can wear and even then menu. For example vegetarians I know only offered vegetarian on the menu on the day
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A friend was invited to a wedding that wasnt serving alcohol. Bride and Groom apparently didnt like it.

Needless to say he quickly declined.

I once attended a wedding and couldn't drink due to being volunteered by my sister to be the designated driver.....never again.
 
faketales said:
This is true but people interpreted it differently.

For us it was about having our friends and family together and so when picking venues that was a consideration.

I have seen others place huge demands on guests for travel, what they can wear and even then menu. For example vegetarians I know only offered vegetarian on the menu on the day and same for the place they booked out for day two (even though guests paid!).

Basically it’s “our day” and you are here to make us happy.
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which is one of the reasons we kept it small, we figured no matter what we do, we were going to "offend" and upset someone (most of whom were family people who "had" to be invited so we might as well offend the whole lot of them.

much better day as a result and the family who were there were a lot more relaxed as they didn't have to worry about their idiot cousins/aunts with notions etc either
 
It's a personal day and a personal choice. No matter which way you decide someone will be offended......I don't know why and what about them.
I think it would be very unusual to lose your best friend over it though , that's a bit extreme, Sarah, in my opinion..
 
joer said:
I think it would be very unusual to lose your best friend over it though , that's a bit extreme, Sarah, in my opinion..
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Her decision, I did reach out to her shortly after I got home but my message to discuss it was ignored.
Sad but not a lot I can do about it.
 
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