Or you could just try getting to know the couple enough to find out what they would like?
cash present for a wedding
- Thread starter djkat
- Start date
Funny enough, I haven't been invited to any weddings where I don't know the couple well.
On the occasions I have asked what people would like, I've been told that there is nothing they really need - which would lead me to believe they would prefer cash or vouchers. Or perhaps nothing at all, but I wouldn't attend a wedding and not bring some sort of gift.
Very rude, in my opinion. If I got that invitation, I would get vouchers from a shop that the couple would not dream of shopping in.
I've read this topic with great interest. I wasn't invited to the wedding of the son of good friends, but was to the afters. What I ended up going to was a BBQ in the family home the night after the wedding. Great night BTW.
I wanted to give a present but wasn't sure how much so I put €50 in a card & a note saying "Just a little something for the honeymoon"
I thought too much might be embarassing & yet I wanted to give something without looking too mean.
I feel happy now that I got it right, thanks to all your comments.
I wanted to give a present but wasn't sure how much so I put €50 in a card & a note saying "Just a little something for the honeymoon"
I thought too much might be embarassing & yet I wanted to give something without looking too mean.
I feel happy now that I got it right, thanks to all your comments.
S
slamdunkin
Guest
I would say that 200 yo's as a couple would be a minimum - 500 yo's if they are a close friend or family member
Cash gifts would be the norm among our circle, as most couples would be either renting together or have already bought a house together and asuch would not need the usual toaster/sheets/saucepan sets that couples years ago would have appreciated when setting up home together.
Depending on how close we are to the B&G, the scale for us goes from 100 (between us as a couple) for say, attending an afters of an acquaintence, to approx 300 for close friends.
When we got married ourselves 2 years ago, most people gave cash as gifts, as we had been living together for 3 years previously and were not in need of the usual household gifts. We did of course get the odd gift of waterford crystal bride and groom statuettes (now unfortunately gathering dust in their boxes due to DH's allergic reaction to ornaments of any kind) and massive serving platters or ornate photo frames from the older family members, but which were appreciated as very thoughtful. Cash gifts ranged from 50 to 250 depending on how close the people were to us.
DJkat - my DH was best man at a wedding recently and we gave approx 300 as a cash gift, along with helping in the runup to the event with organising the event itself.
I would find it the height of rudeness to specify what gifts you expect on the day - be that a wedding gift list with a store like BTs or specifying cash gifts only. IMHO the B&G should be happy with people turning up on the day itself to celebrate the event and not be totting up the amount various guests will be contributing to covering the cost of the meal etc. We had a few people turn up to our wedding who didn't give a card let alone a gift but we were delighted they made the effort to turn up on the day at cost to themselves (time off work, travel, outfits etc) and at this stage I honestly can't remember the specifics of who gave what, only that we were happy so many people turned up to give their good wishes.
Personal circumstances dictate how much people can give - eg a student giving 50 euros when they are obviously broke and scraping their rent together each week meant as much - if not more - to us as say 5 times that amount from family members, as it was clear the 50 euros was an awful lot to get together for the person in question, never mind the cost of attending the day in itself.
Depending on how close we are to the B&G, the scale for us goes from 100 (between us as a couple) for say, attending an afters of an acquaintence, to approx 300 for close friends.
When we got married ourselves 2 years ago, most people gave cash as gifts, as we had been living together for 3 years previously and were not in need of the usual household gifts. We did of course get the odd gift of waterford crystal bride and groom statuettes (now unfortunately gathering dust in their boxes due to DH's allergic reaction to ornaments of any kind) and massive serving platters or ornate photo frames from the older family members, but which were appreciated as very thoughtful. Cash gifts ranged from 50 to 250 depending on how close the people were to us.
DJkat - my DH was best man at a wedding recently and we gave approx 300 as a cash gift, along with helping in the runup to the event with organising the event itself.
I would find it the height of rudeness to specify what gifts you expect on the day - be that a wedding gift list with a store like BTs or specifying cash gifts only. IMHO the B&G should be happy with people turning up on the day itself to celebrate the event and not be totting up the amount various guests will be contributing to covering the cost of the meal etc. We had a few people turn up to our wedding who didn't give a card let alone a gift but we were delighted they made the effort to turn up on the day at cost to themselves (time off work, travel, outfits etc) and at this stage I honestly can't remember the specifics of who gave what, only that we were happy so many people turned up to give their good wishes.
Personal circumstances dictate how much people can give - eg a student giving 50 euros when they are obviously broke and scraping their rent together each week meant as much - if not more - to us as say 5 times that amount from family members, as it was clear the 50 euros was an awful lot to get together for the person in question, never mind the cost of attending the day in itself.
my bf was best man recently we gve 150 sterling (wedding was in uk) and a bottle of brandy that cost 120 dollars (groom brandy lover). like a lot of the posters we tend to give 300 between us to close friends, all the weddings we've gone to so far have been good friends.
Charlie 07
Registered User
- Messages
- 58
Recently got married in Rome. Had a quiet family wedding because the 'typical' irish wedding was not our thing. Was very surprised at peoples reactions towards it. Its as if people will give you E200+ if you invite them to a wedding where as if you decide to have a small wedding some people won't even acknowledge it with a card and wish you the best. Do we simply give presents (cash/material) because we are invited to a wedding or to wish the couple the best of luck in their married life regardless?
K
KalEl
Guest
Maybe people feel if they're not close enough to you to be invited to your wedding then they're not obliged to give you a present?
lukegriffen
Registered User
- Messages
- 170
What I can't understand, is that with a lot of couples getting married in their mid/late 30s, with a mortgage under control when getting married, why are these couples asking for presents in the first place ? I was at a wedding recently where 1 side of the wedding party had assets over 2 million, and was a tad surprised to find they had wedding lists in various shops.
A present of a return trip to Bangladesh briefly crossed my mind.
So has anyone been at a wedding where the bride/groom requested no gifts?
A present of a return trip to Bangladesh briefly crossed my mind.
So has anyone been at a wedding where the bride/groom requested no gifts?
yeah at our wedding we are specifying no gifts but a cash donation to a charity if people want, they dont need to tell us the amount or where. I am doing this mainly cause i have a couple of elderly aunts who i know don't have much money, and also i don't see why my friends should give me money, when i know some of them are struggling with mortgages.
I have seen my parents ,who are elderly enough, get invites to flashy weddings of people they hardly know, and cash gifts only or even a bank account number has been on the invite. I think it is the tackiest and most tastless thing in the world to do this. If you want a big wedding people shouldn't be expected to payroll it. We don't have the cash for a big one, so we are inviting people we are really close to, and we couldn't care less if they bring us anything at all. Once they make the effort to go, and have a good day thats reward enough. I don't see how it has become the custom that the only way to wish a newly married couple well is to give them 300 euro!
I have seen my parents ,who are elderly enough, get invites to flashy weddings of people they hardly know, and cash gifts only or even a bank account number has been on the invite. I think it is the tackiest and most tastless thing in the world to do this. If you want a big wedding people shouldn't be expected to payroll it. We don't have the cash for a big one, so we are inviting people we are really close to, and we couldn't care less if they bring us anything at all. Once they make the effort to go, and have a good day thats reward enough. I don't see how it has become the custom that the only way to wish a newly married couple well is to give them 300 euro!
Maybe people want a small wedding. You have to draw the line somewhere. It is not preactical to invite 250 or so guests to a "small" wedding in Rome, and expect them to travel, get accomodation, take time off work, organise ca childminder, etc.
For me, the present is to congratulate them and wish them look in their life together. For example, I couldnt go to a close friend's wedding, but gave them the same nice present I would have got, if I had gone to the wedding.
I would give someone the same present whether they were having a big, showy, expensive wedding or a small, budget one - i.e. the amount they have spent on their wedding is irrelevant to how much I'd spend on their present.
It's all well and good to say "if you can't afford a big wedding, then have a small one". But be careful before you do this: when my soon-to-be wife and I suggested a small wedding to our folks, they were highly insulted.
Our plan had been to only invite people that we actually wanted to be there - no political invites. But in the end it wasn't worth the hassle of deciding who was in and who was out, and which aunt would be insulted and who couldn't be left out. It turned into a complete nightmare. Our only options were to stick to the original budget but with a lot more guests to an event that would be as "special" as a trip to Supermacs; or to pay out a lot more cash to at least go somewhere nice.
As this has blown our budget out of the water, I'm now praying that we'll get some cash to help pay off the cost. If anybody on here who is anti-cash has got a suggestion on how to handle this, I'd be more than happy to hear it!
Our plan had been to only invite people that we actually wanted to be there - no political invites. But in the end it wasn't worth the hassle of deciding who was in and who was out, and which aunt would be insulted and who couldn't be left out. It turned into a complete nightmare. Our only options were to stick to the original budget but with a lot more guests to an event that would be as "special" as a trip to Supermacs; or to pay out a lot more cash to at least go somewhere nice.
As this has blown our budget out of the water, I'm now praying that we'll get some cash to help pay off the cost. If anybody on here who is anti-cash has got a suggestion on how to handle this, I'd be more than happy to hear it!
outspann, you are mad to have caved into your folks.. they have had their wedding already - this was your wedding!! It's up to you to choose who to invite. They sound like my folks, who would love nothing better than a huge wedding to show off to all their friends. We are getting over this by just letting my parents organise a flashy dinner for their friends and us.
if you parents are so keen to have a flashy wedding, why don't they renew their vows and have their own wedding to organise again - take the pressure off you!
if you parents are so keen to have a flashy wedding, why don't they renew their vows and have their own wedding to organise again - take the pressure off you!