Did the groom-to-be not have anything to do with the invitations?
cash present for a wedding
- Thread starter djkat
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Did the groom-to-be not have anything to do with the invitations?
InfoSeeker
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Got married about 7 weeks ago and to be honest it is a day for friends and family.
We were building a house and when we got engaged we got a load of house gifts.
I do not agree with wedding lists as I do not want a cluttered house so via the parents we put the word out that we would have a preference for cash gifts...maybe this is rude but from the other side, ie going to other people's weddings I also give cash/cheque.
Couples either gave 150 or 200 and again those who you would assume have far less wealth gave more....perhaps there is some form of moral in this as those centred on wealth feel more pain in releasing any part of it
At the end of the day I could not really care what people gave as I am now happily living with my wife......so far it is happy anyway
We were building a house and when we got engaged we got a load of house gifts.
I do not agree with wedding lists as I do not want a cluttered house so via the parents we put the word out that we would have a preference for cash gifts...maybe this is rude but from the other side, ie going to other people's weddings I also give cash/cheque.
Couples either gave 150 or 200 and again those who you would assume have far less wealth gave more....perhaps there is some form of moral in this as those centred on wealth feel more pain in releasing any part of it
At the end of the day I could not really care what people gave as I am now happily living with my wife......so far it is happy anyway
Z
z108
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Theres a tradition among some for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding. Does this still happen ?
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Yes and No, it depends purely on circumstances I suppose.
Given impact of the 'Celtic Tiger' some 20/30 yr olds are better off financially then their parents who might be retired.
If the father of the bride offers to pay for some part then that is an unexpected bonus IMHO.
Probably more frequent where there is only one daughter.....
Given impact of the 'Celtic Tiger' some 20/30 yr olds are better off financially then their parents who might be retired.
If the father of the bride offers to pay for some part then that is an unexpected bonus IMHO.
Probably more frequent where there is only one daughter.....
K
KalEl
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In my experience it depends on how wealthy the family are. The norm seems to be for the bride and groom to pay for the wedding themselves, with the parents of the bride contributing between five and ten grand. Wealthier parents tend to pay for their daughter's wedding completely.
There is no right or wrong approach.
We bought our house house 6 years ago and my parents offered us some cash towards it. When my mum had mentioned it to my dad he said he had planned to pay for our wedding (which we hadn;t expected) but as she pointed out, house prices were rapidly rising and we needed to get on the ladder. So they gave us a few bob and we paid for our own wedding 2 years later. But ours was only(!!!) €10k so we managed with a lot of saving.
We would give about €150 as a couple for most weddings, maybe up to €200 for very good friends but that's only 2 or 3 couples. My bro got married last year and we gave €200 plus I made the wedding cake, but they were very generous to us and they're worth their weight as babysitters. Half that for 1 person. And if I went to an afters I would bring a gift worth €30 - €50 depending on who, etc. If I didn't go and it was a good friend I'd still get a gift, on teh basis that if they eloped I'd still get them one, it's a congrats on getting married pressie, not a thanks for inviting me pressie.
As for weddings in Britain, my experience is that the avg gift there is less than here. A good friend go married in England a year and a half ago and I was quite surprised to see that our gift was far more expensive than any they received from their English 'good friends'. 4 of us went, me and hub as a couple and 2 others that didn't bring +1. We bought a gift worth about €300, with us paying half and the other 2 a quarter each.
Personally I think there's too much money spent on gifts, when you hit 30 you seem to have weddings every other week and it can be hard to afford them. It's awful that your first thought when someone announces an engagement is how are you going to afford it. As someone else said about covering your plate, if you can't afford it yourself, don't have such a big wedding.
We would give about €150 as a couple for most weddings, maybe up to €200 for very good friends but that's only 2 or 3 couples. My bro got married last year and we gave €200 plus I made the wedding cake, but they were very generous to us and they're worth their weight as babysitters. Half that for 1 person. And if I went to an afters I would bring a gift worth €30 - €50 depending on who, etc. If I didn't go and it was a good friend I'd still get a gift, on teh basis that if they eloped I'd still get them one, it's a congrats on getting married pressie, not a thanks for inviting me pressie.
As for weddings in Britain, my experience is that the avg gift there is less than here. A good friend go married in England a year and a half ago and I was quite surprised to see that our gift was far more expensive than any they received from their English 'good friends'. 4 of us went, me and hub as a couple and 2 others that didn't bring +1. We bought a gift worth about €300, with us paying half and the other 2 a quarter each.
Personally I think there's too much money spent on gifts, when you hit 30 you seem to have weddings every other week and it can be hard to afford them. It's awful that your first thought when someone announces an engagement is how are you going to afford it. As someone else said about covering your plate, if you can't afford it yourself, don't have such a big wedding.
WE have a wedding coming up soon and the bride is a close friend and sisd that they would prefer cash as a present. I thought this was very rude to be honest but kinds forgot about it and let it go. Met another friend of the bride yesterday and she told me that the brides uncle (who recently came into money) is paying for the entire wedding. So the cash we are asked to give as a gift is a profit making venture for the couple. Am so so angry about it! Haved decided to buy them a gift for less than i was originally going to spend...am too annoyed at the whole thing. i thought she was a good friend..........
Newbie,
Maybe they want to buy furniture for their home. noone's going to buy a €5k suite off a wedding list so they ask for cash and then shop for what they want. As a previous poster said most people these days already have a home by the time they get married and don't need 'stuff'. I found it incredibly difficult to make a wedding list as I didn't have too much that I needed. I also didn't like putting expensive stuff on it cos I though it suggested what I thought people should spend. And I thought it would be too rude to send it out with invites, almost like telling people to buy you a pressie. I have to say, I didn't care if I got presents or not, I invited people (small wedding) because I wanted them to share my day, that's all.
But we got lots of vouchers and cash and it enabled us to buy a nice tv, and nice bedroom furniture that we didn't find until a year later. I also don't particularly like wedding lists cos you can often get the item cheaper elsewhere. I shopped around with the cash and was pleased to be able to tell someone that I got x and y with your gift whereas if it was through the list I'd have only got x. Mind you I did make a point of letting people know where their cash/voucher gifts went as I didn't want people thinking we used it to pay off the mortgage. My thank yous included lines such as 'thanks for your generous gift, we got a great bbq with it'.
Just cos people want cash doesn't mean they just want to pocket it and pay off their car loan...
Maybe they want to buy furniture for their home. noone's going to buy a €5k suite off a wedding list so they ask for cash and then shop for what they want. As a previous poster said most people these days already have a home by the time they get married and don't need 'stuff'. I found it incredibly difficult to make a wedding list as I didn't have too much that I needed. I also didn't like putting expensive stuff on it cos I though it suggested what I thought people should spend. And I thought it would be too rude to send it out with invites, almost like telling people to buy you a pressie. I have to say, I didn't care if I got presents or not, I invited people (small wedding) because I wanted them to share my day, that's all.
But we got lots of vouchers and cash and it enabled us to buy a nice tv, and nice bedroom furniture that we didn't find until a year later. I also don't particularly like wedding lists cos you can often get the item cheaper elsewhere. I shopped around with the cash and was pleased to be able to tell someone that I got x and y with your gift whereas if it was through the list I'd have only got x. Mind you I did make a point of letting people know where their cash/voucher gifts went as I didn't want people thinking we used it to pay off the mortgage. My thank yous included lines such as 'thanks for your generous gift, we got a great bbq with it'.
Just cos people want cash doesn't mean they just want to pocket it and pay off their car loan...
terrysgirl33
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Remember, you are not obliged to give the couple anything. Anything you give should be what you can afford to pay, and what you want to give.
For our own wedding, we didn't do a wedding list or anything, but if we (or more often our parents) were asked we suggested money. It was about 50/50 cash and gifts. Some of the gifts were lovely, some we wouldn't really use, but we were very touched that people made the effort to get us something. There were a few people who got us nothing, some we know why, others we don't, this happens at every wedding.
For our own wedding, we didn't do a wedding list or anything, but if we (or more often our parents) were asked we suggested money. It was about 50/50 cash and gifts. Some of the gifts were lovely, some we wouldn't really use, but we were very touched that people made the effort to get us something. There were a few people who got us nothing, some we know why, others we don't, this happens at every wedding.
my2leftfeet
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My parents were invited to a wedding of one of their friends children. recently. Wedding in France - most invitees live in Dublin. So they will be forking out for flights and hotel on top of the normal expenses ... which they do not have a problem with.
They would also have been planning to give a cheque ... c. €200.
They were a little taken aback to see the card enclosed with the invitation ... with words along the lines of "we appreciate you making the effort to join us on our big day, if you want to make a contribution to our honeymoon, please make a lodgement to following bank account" .... with account number and sort code provided.
They would also have been planning to give a cheque ... c. €200.
They were a little taken aback to see the card enclosed with the invitation ... with words along the lines of "we appreciate you making the effort to join us on our big day, if you want to make a contribution to our honeymoon, please make a lodgement to following bank account" .... with account number and sort code provided.
K
KalEl
Guest
It is a bit rude in my opinion...if it was my wedding I wouldn't specify anything on invitations, wouldn't have a wedding list, but would let my mother know I'd prefer cash. Then anyone who asks her, i.e. seeks out the information, would know what I wanted.
It's more of an issue now as most couples have a home and the stuff that goes with it. It's hard to buy presents for people...if someone asked me what could they buy me right now I'd struggle to think of something!
personally i think some couples have really lost the run of themselves in the present stakes. most people would give cash/vouchers to a couple especially if they are living together but to actually specify what they want (eg pay our honeymoon) i just think its a little rude. (no offense to anyone who's done it). Surely your inviting people because you want to share your day with them, not what present they are going to give you!
I have seen two extremes of this situation - one person openly boasting (and yes, I do mean boasting.. not even after a drink) stating how she would quite happily get married again because they "made so much money" (quote)..
The other - a young local couple, just after building their house who asked guests not to bring presents but to make a donation in a sealed anaonymous envelope , which was placed in a security box at the hotel reception.
ALL monies received were given to a local family (whom they were acquainted with but not related to) to help them purchase a people carrier for their family - they have 4 young children, 2 of which were recently diagnosed with spina bifida. This was to help with the cost of the van and to get it adapted for wheelchair access etc.
None of the guests knew in advance, the couple could have used the money themselves. I thought it was such an amazing gesture in a cash consumed society, as they said "we want to start married life on the rigft foot.. this seemed a good way to do it.."
The other - a young local couple, just after building their house who asked guests not to bring presents but to make a donation in a sealed anaonymous envelope , which was placed in a security box at the hotel reception.
ALL monies received were given to a local family (whom they were acquainted with but not related to) to help them purchase a people carrier for their family - they have 4 young children, 2 of which were recently diagnosed with spina bifida. This was to help with the cost of the van and to get it adapted for wheelchair access etc.
None of the guests knew in advance, the couple could have used the money themselves. I thought it was such an amazing gesture in a cash consumed society, as they said "we want to start married life on the rigft foot.. this seemed a good way to do it.."
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dangerhere
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As an aside I got married in 1988 and received gifts of 50 pounds (63.50 Euro) plus of course the irons, toasters etc.
Personally, I always give cash for a wedding gift, this seems to be the norm where I am from. I would only buy a gift is if I knew exactly what it was that the couple wanted.
What I would consider to be a nice gift could be someone else's worse nightmare and vice versa and I would rather give someone cash or vouchers to do as they wish with than a gift that they would put in the attic to gather dust.
To be honest, I really don't understand why some people have a problem giving cash or vouchers. Why feel self-righteous about giving a gift, if it's not what the couple want? And if the couple want to use that money to fund a house build, to go on holiday, to furnish their house, why would it be anyone else's business?
For the record, I didn't ask for cash gifts for our wedding.
What I would consider to be a nice gift could be someone else's worse nightmare and vice versa and I would rather give someone cash or vouchers to do as they wish with than a gift that they would put in the attic to gather dust.
To be honest, I really don't understand why some people have a problem giving cash or vouchers. Why feel self-righteous about giving a gift, if it's not what the couple want? And if the couple want to use that money to fund a house build, to go on holiday, to furnish their house, why would it be anyone else's business?
For the record, I didn't ask for cash gifts for our wedding.