Boyfriend & christmas gifts

M

Mel

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Boyfriend of 5 months doesn't 'believe' in christmas (or birthday) gifts.
Apparently if he needs something he'll buy it for himself.
At a loss for words I was unable to let him know clearly that I do 'believe' in same.

Is he
a) practical?
b) the grinch?
c) testing me?

Just wondering is this common?? Or am I being materialistic?
Note - he is generous with regards to meals/ drinks, but he has never bought me any sort of gift, even flowers.
 
I think he's looking for the easy way out, not having to buy you anything.
As a guy it is very hard to be imaginitive in buying presents for you partner!!
 
B - the Grinch.

Honestly? Id judge him as utterly self absorbed. People who cannot empathise with others like of giving/receiving gifts either have some kind of social disability like autism or they are selfish self absorbed eejits. Or tight.

Just remember if you stick with him - its going to be a lifetime of 'I dont believe in gifts'.

What else does he not believe in?
 
Mel said:
Boyfriend of 5 months doesn't 'believe' in christmas (or birthday) gifts.
Apparently if he needs something he'll buy it for himself...

but he has never bought me any sort of gift, even flowers.
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Given that he is otherwise generous, I'm finding it difficult to decide whether he is

1) Highly principled and dogmatic

2) A stingy weirdo who has accepted that he will have to spend money on you in some respect so has restricted it to meals and drinks only so as not to lose you immediately.
 
truthseeker said:
People who cannot empathise with others like of giving/receiving gifts either have some kind of social disability like autism or they are selfish self absorbed eejits.
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I believe we're all at different points on the autistic spectrum. For men, it's more pronounced.

Blood relatives, significant other - no problem with giving and receiving presents. After that, there's a line and on the 'wrong' side of that line I include in-laws, spouses of in-laws, children of in-laws, and everyone else.

If you're not my wife, or a blood relative, you're not on my list.
 
I like Caveat's post!!

Gosh that's a tough one. It would send a warning sign to me though - a lifetime of no thoughtful gifts, at Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's day, annviersaries. And I mean thoughtful gifts, I don't mean expensive ones.
 
TarfHead said:
I believe we're all at different points on the autistic spectrum. For men, it's more pronounced.
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So do I - but the 'I dont believe in gifts at all' mantra would indicate to me that he is aware that other people believe in them - and doesnt care. Not good.
 
Gosh.
He's a very principled individual, but intelligent enough to realise that this matters to most people.
I'm very disappointed as I was looking forward to having someone to spoil and vice versa for the first christmas in ages. Either way the fun is now removed from it.
He's skating on thin ice for this and other reasons at the moment...
How do I find them?

ETA - had planned spend the bones of €300 on a lovely watch that would be relevant to his job - what should I now do?
 
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Has he said that he's not getting presents AT ALL or has he just indicated that the whole gift thing doesn't excite him. There's a differnce. Some people go a bit nuts trying to get the "perfect" present for someone, often at considerable expense.

Maybe he's just giving you an out by letting you know that he won't be offended if you give him a tie and a book token. Sounds like the type that would hate you to spend money on soemthing he wouldn't like or use. That's not to say that he wouldn't spend money on you if he thught you'd appreciate it.

BTW, nothing says "oh-oh" like a €300 watch from a girlfriend of five months.
 
Mel said:
He's a very principled individual, but intelligent enough to realise that this matters to most people.
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Its not intelligence thats at issue with something like this - its selfishness.

Mel said:
I'm very disappointed as I was looking forward to having someone to spoil and vice versa for the first christmas in ages. Either way the fun is now removed from it.
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Can you tell him this? Obv all relationships are different but at this stage are you close enough to just come out and announce this to him? If he knows how much it means to you he might change his tune?

Mel said:
How do I find them?
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How do you find what?

Thats a tough call about the watch - on the one hand you dont want to not get him something out of spite, on the other hand why should you bother if he doesnt?

Personally Id address it verbally before making any decisions.

But if he is already on thin ice maybe you need to do a full re-consider?
 
Mel said:
ETA - had planned spend the bones of €300 on a lovely watch that would be relevant to his job - what should I now do?
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Spend €298 on yourself and get him a watch that suits his attitude rather than his job - get one that doesn't actually work or tell the time at all.

Just tell him: " Oh I don't really believe in time"
 
I just e-mailed this idea to my girlfriend. I can safely say, it is not going to catch on.
 
missdaisy said:
Gosh that's a tough one. It would send a warning sign to me though - a lifetime of no thoughtful gifts, at Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's day, annviersaries. And I mean thoughtful gifts, I don't mean expensive ones.
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+1
If he valued you and presents were something he just didn't do, he'd get you something small, but something you'd appreciate..

I think he's being mean spirited. I know your not married, I am and I would feel hurt that after 13 years together Mr Bear didn't get me something. It doesn't have to be dear!

P..
 
Staples said:
BTW, nothing says "oh-oh" like a €300 watch from a girlfriend of five months.
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That really depends on the nature of the individual relationship doesnt it? All couples are different, and all relationships move along at different speeds.
 
Staples said:
Has he said that he's not getting presents AT ALL or has he just indicated that the whole gift thing doesn't excite him. There's a differnce. Some people go a bit nuts trying to get the "perfect" present for someone, often at considerable expense.

Maybe he's just giving you an out by letting you know that he won't be offended if you give him a tie and a book token. Sounds like the type that would hate you to spend money on soemthing he wouldn't like or use. That's not to say that he wouldn't spend money on you if he thught you'd appreciate it.
Click to expand...

I asked what he'd like (he's away and I'll be doing my shopping while he's gone) and he said he didn't want any present, didn't believe in them, and just buys what he needs when he needs it. He did ask to be fair if I'd like something, and I said no, out of disappointment really. I'll be letting him know in

What you suggest does sound like him, he is a very practical person. So that may be it. But I'm very aware of what some of the girls are suggesting - ending up in a situation where I never get a treat or surprise, or something to make me feel special.
 
I have a similar type problem that your boyfriend has.

My wife should be named Noelle. If I let her she would put the Xmas tree up on August 31st.
Every year she gets me a present despite me telling her I dont want one. This then put pressure on me to buy her a present. She always says "It doesn't matter what you get me because as you get me something it will prove you love me".
However that sentiment went out the window when I got her a years subscription to Playboy magazine.

Some people...
 
Mel said:
But I'm very aware of what some of the girls are suggesting - ending up in a situation where I never get a treat or surprise, or something to make me feel special.
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These kind of things early in a relationship should be used as warning signals. You need to ask yourself what YOU want from the relationship, can you do without the treats because something else makes up for it? For life? Or will you end up feeling resentful because he doesnt make the effort?
 
Mel said:
I asked what he'd like (he's away and I'll be doing my shopping while he's gone) and he said he didn't want any present, didn't believe in them, and just buys what he needs when he needs it. He did ask to be fair if I'd like something, and I said no, out of disappointment really. I'll be letting him know in

What you suggest does sound like him, he is a very practical person. So that may be it. But I'm very aware of what some of the girls are suggesting - ending up in a situation where I never get a treat or surprise, or something to make me feel special.
Click to expand...


No offence but I think you are looking for Utopia.
 
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