Are there couples who decided not to have kids?

Not getting pressure, but the attitude of some people is unspeakably rude and really makes my blood boil.

The fact that people think it's reasonable to just ask: "Are you not going to have any kids then? why not?" etc. is jawdropping.

...especially when the sad truth is that a lot of these people have no real reason for having kids themselves.
 
We had one recently and arguably somewhat "late" but never experienced any pressure or unwelcome comments.
 
Re the question - I sure there are loads. DINK's, double income no kids.

Re people asking, I dont think they have any malicious intent but I can see how its rude and I check myself from slagging my newly wed mates about "anything stirring" - as Dinny used to say in Glenroe.

Its exciting news for those who are pregnant & theres nothing like a bit of good news so I think thats what encourages people to enquire, not that they want to make a nuisance of themselves.
 
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There are some couples out there who would love nothing more than to have children of their own, but can't. Generally, they're not going to broadcast the fact that they have fertility issues. How do you think they feel when some bright spark starts asking when they can expect to hear little feet?

My verdict - unless you know the whole story, don't ask the question.
 
You do get asked it an awful lot when you are recently married, but many take the decision (for whatever reason) not to have any or delay having children.

I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children. We sort of asked innocently in a conversation "... and what if we don't children", and his face sank! He said that if you are able to have children then you can't really make the decision NOT to have them.

I suppose the Church has to keep the flow of Catholics flowing and can't condone people not adding to the flock.
 
I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children
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Never heard of that before.
 
RMCF said:
You do get asked it an awful lot when you are recently married
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I beg to differ. Certainly not my experience.
I was really shocked when speaking to the priest before we got married that the Church can refuse to marry you if intend NOT to have children. We sort of asked innocently in a conversation "... and what if we don't children", and his face sank! He said that if you are able to have children then you can't really make the decision NOT to have them.

I suppose the Church has to keep the flow of Catholics flowing and can't condone people not adding to the flock.
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I'm sure that he could have explained the theological "reasoning" behind this issue if you asked him.
 
well since contraception is outlawed maybe he feared you werent going to consummate your marriage ;), to be sure to be sure like !!

Sure I suppose theres the "go forth and multiply" thing, the continuing existence of the human race & other such arguments, but I wouldnt feel under any obligation in this arguably overpopulated world of ours.

I'd say the bigger problem in this area is people leaving it too late due to careers & then encountering problems - this was covered in The Clinic a while back, you'd have to feel very sorry for the characters involved.

As a fairly recent first time Daddy I'm luvvin it and cant imagine things without babs, but thats not to impose my value judgements on anyone else
 
Seagull said:
There are some couples out there who would love nothing more than to have children of their own, but can't. Generally, they're not going to broadcast the fact that they have fertility issues. How do you think they feel when some bright spark starts asking when they can expect to hear little feet?

My verdict - unless you know the whole story, don't ask the question.
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This is very true..... these 'innocent' jibes can actually be highly insensitive to anyone who is tying & yet unable to conceive. It can be very hurtful.... I've seen it in many peoples eye's when its been put to them.
 
I think its an Irish thing, if your single your asked "when are you going to meet someone", if your with someone "when are are you getting married" if your married "when are you having kids". I think its that people have nothing else to say, but its the most offensive thing you can ask as above you don't know people's circumstances.
 
I certainly agree that the question is most likely to cause hurt or offense in cases where couples would like to have children but cannot.

But I still think it's a rude, foolish and highly inappropriate question whether couples are physically able to concieve or not. It's a private matter. I see it as akin to being asked about your sex life or how much money you earn.

I wonder how people would react if asked "So, tell me, why is it exactly that you had kids?" :rolleyes:

I actually know quite a few couples who don't have kids and my guess (based on their ages) is that it probably won't happen. Some may be unable to conceive, some may have other reasons but I've never asked.
 
Caveat said:
I certainly agree that the question is most likely to cause hurt or offense in cases where couples would like to have children but cannot.

But I still think it's a rude,foolish and highly inappropriate question whether couples are physically able to concieve or not. It's a private matter. I see it as akin to being asked about your sex life or how much money you earn.
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Completely agreed. Some people just don't get the level of invasion of privacy they are engaging in. While it can be merely annoying for a couple who choose not to have children to have to fend off such questioning, for couples who want children but cannot conceive, it's a completely different league altogether, regarding the hurt and level of upset they experience.
 
Hi,

My husband and I were married about 9 years before our first kid arrived and I can tell you during that time - it was terrible the slagging - one friend thought it hilarious to get a car company to send me a broucher on a people carrier! I'd never slag anyone as I've been there myself - a girlfriend of mine and her husband have no children - I don't ask her about it as it is none of my business but I do know they are not really in to kids - again that is their own business. I think this slagging thing is relative to Ireland.
 
We were married 7 years when we had our first child, and no-one ever asked that question (except for one cousin of hubbys).
 
I was 41 before my first child was born, and was asked "the question" more than once. I found that if I bit my lip and looked as if I was about to cry it usually did the trick.
 
Berlin said:
I was 41 before my first child was born, and was asked "the question" more than once. I found that if I bit my lip and looked as if I was about to cry it usually did the trick.
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What did your wife do? :p
 
ninsaga said:
This is very true..... these 'innocent' jibes can actually be highly insensitive to anyone who is tying & yet unable to conceive. It can be very hurtful.... I've seen it in many peoples eye's when its been put to them.
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Totally agree.
its a totally personal thing between 2 people and god knows what obstacles they are coming up against trying to conceive etc.

Maybe people just don't think but I would never dream of asking anyone something to personal
 
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