Separated spouse wants me to pay half their rent

[Clamball]

How about pausing the mortgage payments now to help fund the separate accommodation for your spouse. That would give breathing space while the divorce proceeds.

Ultimately consider selling the family home, you living where you job is so you only have one household and your spouse in her new location. The adult children will be away in college, they may need to get loans and jobs etc to fund their college life. Pay off the mortgage, split the assets and move on with your separate lives.

I really sympathise, divorce is hard, but one household will have to split into too somehow. With the house sold, the mortgage paid off will there be enough left to put down payments on new homes? You will probably both need to get a mortgage.

 

[ClubMan]

How about pausing the mortgage payments now to help fund the separate accommodation for your spouse.

I presume you mean requesting a payment break/holiday from the lender and not just unilaterally stopping the mortgage repayments? Certainly nothing should be done here that might jeopardise either or both partners' credit ratings as they may need to borrow again in the near future to secure separate accommodation or for other needs.

 

[Purple]

Unfortunately there's emotional stuff going on which is making it harder. I'm being told it's temporary 'space' but others are being told it's permanent.

You're not there Monday to Friday. Can she move out for the weekends? Can she use the place you use during the week? It seems strange that the family home will now be empty five days a week while all the occupants rent elsewhere.

 

[Salvadore]

I offered to go and couldn't find anywhere, but she got lucky.

Sounds like you did too.

I don’t know what planet she’s on if she thinks you should bear half the cost of her rent while you simultaneously bear the cost of all the existing expenses to which she has never contributed previously.

 

[colin79ie]

Sounds like you did too.

I don’t know what planet she’s on if she thinks you should bear half the cost of her rent while you simultaneously bear the cost of all the existing expenses to which she has never contributed previously.

I actually enquired about the place she found but was told it was no longer available. She went after me and got it, and now I'm the bad guy for not finding anywhere, so I can't win.

I was told it was temporary for her to get space. I've since found out that's not what she's telling others, and I'm just in the way now. But, it hasn't worked out for her the way she perhaps envisaged.
All side issues and probably only the beginning...

 

[ClubMan]

All side issues and probably only the beginning...

Indeed. As I've said before if this is going to be a permanent break leading to judicial separation and/or divorce then you need to engage a solicitor and get advice.

 

[Clamball]

I presume you mean requesting a payment break/holiday from the lender and not just unilaterally stopping the mortgage repayments?

Yes indeed I did mean that, I had meant to edit it in but forgot. I would think the bank would be sympathetic to a pause in mortgage repayments which would allow that money to be diverted to new rental payments.

Unfortunately until the divorce is finalised there are still joint decisions to be made on how incomes should be spent and compromise is needed all around.

 

[penguins]

If I understand correctly, there is (1) a family home that nobody is living in during the week, (2) a Mon-Fri rental for you, (3) a full-time rental for her, and (4) separate college accommodation for your children. This seems pretty inefficient, would it be possible instead to either sell the family home or to swap who is staying in rental when the other parent is spending time with kids in family home?

 

[ClubMan]

would it be possible instead to either sell the family home

That's not going to be possible without the agreement of both spouses and given the seeming estrangement that doesn't sound likely without mediation or legal negotiation.

 

[Dr Strangelove]

There are two incomes and four households here.

Something has to give.

 

[Cruzer123]

With your wife’s salary at 1800 / 1900 pm surely there’s room to change jobs to earn more. Is she working full time, if not, why?

With your children at the age they are I’d push to the sell the family home hard as it seems. Split proceeds 50 / 50 and both of you can both move on with your lives.

 

[colin79ie]

If I understand correctly, there is (1) a family home that nobody is living in during the week, (2) a Mon-Fri rental for you, (3) a full-time rental for her, and (4) separate college accommodation for your children. This seems pretty inefficient, would it be possible instead to either sell the family home or to swap who is staying in rental when the other parent is spending time with kids in family home?

I am only away every other week from Monday night to Thurs night. Can vary but that's the job. The rest is WFH. My mon-fri rent is not much at 100/wk and was built into me taking the job a few months ago (salary increase covers it) ....to be at home more, ironically...

I genuinely wanted to move out but couldn't find anywhere locally. I'm not from the area and my wife was accepted to the same house I did find and I wasn't accepted.

Not important now. What's important now is the finances and all the future messy stuff.

 

[elcato]

I genuinely wanted to move out but couldn't find anywhere locally. I'm not from the area and my wife was accepted to the same house I did find and I wasn't accepted.

You could offer to just swop with the wife and let her stay in the house and say nowt to the landlord. It's only 3 nights a week you'd be there. I'm curious to know how you would have paid the rent had you been accepted ? You still would have some domestic bills to pay as a tenant so the problem still is that neither can afford to move out.