Pending Separation; Advice

This is my best advice, buy your own home asap out of savings. Do not repay home mortgage. Do not agree anything. Your wife should be working as one child is an adult and the other is school going.

Any sentimental items, personal to you, slowly remove to your parents. Possession is actually 9/10”s…

Under no circumstance rise to any altercation with your wife. If you think you might, then remove yourself from family home.

The well being of your children is paramount. Adult child is presumably only there college holiday. So it’s the housing of an 8 year old. With two parents in two homes, joint custody would be in order. So purchase near school.

Your wife expecting mortgage paid off, house transferred, and full maintenance, in 2026! No justification for that. If you leave cash on the table, instead of a home in a house, you’re a fool.

Be prepared for a very expensive, stressful, potentially suicidal battle. Of indefinite duration. Last advice, hire a tough solicitor. Unless your wife tempers her expectations and even if she does, you need to be certain she’ll agree.
 
Mactha said:
How much of a risk is it that it could be construed as effectively reducing the family assets by 250K when I knew a legal separation process was about to commence?
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You are not reducing the family assets by €250k. You are switching from one form of asset - cash - to another form - a property for you to live in.

Go house hunting.

Actually, come to think of it. You should offer to buy a house for €250k for your wife and she can move into it.
 
Mactha said:
does some part time paid work for cash & claims welfare
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What welfare does she claim?


As above I don’t agree rent is dead money although certainly not good value generally.

Renting can provide you speed and flexibility or the ability to keep options open. From looking to occupation six months would be fast with the potential for delays or back to the start scenarios. Cash will help but doesn’t remove all risk. I would say risk are higher in the €250k band in relation to house inspection etc.
 
Sue Ellen said:
Not many 3 bed semis available these days for €250K and if they are would probably require a lot of work.
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We’re currently living in Kilkenny @Sue Ellen so 3 beds can be found in that range albeit I know that’s generally the floor & some do require some degree of work.
Bronte said:
With two parents in two homes, joint custody would be in order. So purchase near school.
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@Bronte The reality of our situation is that the kids will live with Mum 70% of the time. I commute to Dublin City centre 4/5 days per week and invariably am not back at the house until near 8pm so whilst we will share custody, they will spend the majority of time with mum.

Brendan Burgess said:
Just in case there is any doubt, I have never said that rent is dead money. I hate the expression as it's wrong.
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Agreed @Brendan Burgess. Turn of phrase just…prefer @faketales expression not best use of money.

Bronte said:
Adult child is presumably only there college holiday. S
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Yes @Bronte son is at Uni but he’s home every weekend, holidays etc so still need to consider housing needs of 2 kids. The same lad could be living home until he’s 30
 
Sorry to read this situation and think the advice to get a house of your own in cash is best. I suggest you start to file separate tax returns as the working for cash sounds like it will come to light soon enough. Helping to pay the family home mortgage and maintenance for your child seems the best scenario because 50/50 sounds ideal until you are jugging school collections and a job in Dublin, so weekend custody would suit you and your child best? If your wife starts to work, juggling school runs is also going to limit her ability to commute or do 9-5’s so I expect she continues to work under the table or stops altogether.
Do your best to also support teen in college - he may get lost in the midst of this and he does need to be financially supported.
You committing to supporting the 8year old college when you are both separated seems odd. Can you think where this angry laundry list of expectations/ demands is coming from? If you understood that, maybe you could work on how you will respond to them.
 
BoscoTalking said:
You committing to supporting the 8year old college when you are both separated seems odd
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Both parents are legally obliged to offer appropriate support for their children until they're 18 or 23 and in full time education.


There is a legal responsibility on parents, whether married or unmarried, to maintain dependent children in accordance with their means. A dependent child is a child who is under the age of 18, or 23 if they are in full-time education.
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Mactha said:
Yes @Bronte son is at Uni but he’s home every weekend, holidays etc so still need to consider housing needs of 2 kids. The same lad could be living home until he’s 30
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There’s something wrong if an educated chap doesn’t seek their own way when qualified. In any case the courts will generally work to school leaving cert to +/- 4 years. Max age 25 I’d imagine. One of my siblings and I agreed to fund one degree. Over and above that is on them. College children should work summers and broaden their horizons, 2 of mine had great experience on the J1 in the states…and yes they made money, plenty of it.
 
Bronte said:
In any case the courts will generally work to school leaving cert to +/- 4 years. Max age 25 I’d imagine.
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The law says 18 or 23 in full time education. What level of support is offered after that is the parents' choice.
 
BoscoTalking said:
You committing to supporting the 8year old college when you are both separated seems odd.
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Thanks for your feedback @BoscoTalking. There’s no question of me not wanting to help fund college costs both for my son currently and daughter when the time comes but given the number of variables that could arise in a 15 year window, it’s just impossible for me to commit to funding 100% of her 3rd level education (if she pursues same) at this point. If only I was in a position to!!
 
Sorry I was unclear - I meant it was odd that one party of a separated duo was to commit to pay for college 100%, instead of 50/50.
 
DannyBoyD said:
There are those who believe and advise this course of action; given that a JS / Divorce can easily take two years, do you really want to be living in this situation & putting your children in this atmosphere for the next two years.
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Just by way of update here @DannyBoyD and others who have contributed or just viewing in the hope of being better informed.

I have now spoken to a solicitor about whether or to what degree any negotiating position might be compromised in circumstances where I left the family home in advance of any formal agreement on division of assets, home ownership etc. Their advice was that if I had my mind made up not to disrupt the children's lives (insofar as is possible) and I was happy for them and their mum to remain in the family home (contingent of course that I will meet the mortgage repayments and kids will spend the majority of time with mum), then moving out of the home now and in advance of formal agreement would make no discernible difference when it came to negotiations relating to the rest of assets etc.

They added that in circumstances where I decided to contest what would ultimately happen in respect of home ownership and who would reside there, that I should insist on remaining in the home until all agreement reached either by way of judicial separation or divorce.

They also did say that in our personal circumstances, having regard to respective earnings, savings etc., that if the case was to run to court and be adjudicated upon, in all probability the house would almost certainly be 'awarded' to my wife anyway so why wait and continue to live in what is a clearly unhappy situation for everyone. I appreciate every set of circumstances is different however (and indeed not every solicitor might offer the same advice) but thought I'd post back just to update.
 
Mactha said:
all probability the house would almost certainly be 'awarded' to my wife a
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The key factor is not so much as it being "awarded"; the property is recognised as being the children's home & that has priority.

Your settlement will want to include an order for what will happen when your youngest child reaches 18 (or 23 if in full-time education).
 
DannyBoyD said:
Your settlement will want to include an order for what will happen when your youngest child reaches 18 (or 23 if in full-time education).
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Thanks @DannyBoyD. I know you can only opine a view, but I'd welcome same nonetheless. If I was to agree that the current family home is effectively signed over to my wife upon the children reaching 18 (or 23 in FT education) in circumstances where I continue to service the mortgage, what impact might this have when it comes to the allocation of residual savings/pension? Speculative question I know.
 
Mactha said:
was to agree that the current family home is effectively signed over to my wife upon the children reaching 18 (or 23 in FT education) in circumstances where I continue to service the mortgage,
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I don't believe you'll be able to do this until the mortgage is paid off.

Having said that, yes it would all be part of your settlement agreement. These are the things you will discuss in mediation.
 
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