Dear Askaboutmoney community,
I've just joined the forum and it's a fantastic resource. Before posting, I've tried to read as much related content as possible already on here in respect of separation/divorce but decided maybe best just to ask my own question(s) and canvass as much opinion and hopefully benefit from the actual experience of others who have already been through the process as possible. I should also preface my question by saying I will obtain legal advice but also aware of the old "doctors differ" adage and thought there was merit in hearing actual real-life experience/opinions in parallel with seeing a solicitor. So my situation in brief is:
1) Two dependent children, both myself & my wife unfortunately agree marriage is over albeit the separation is not amicable.
2) Wife manages the home, undoubtedly has been the primary carer for our 2 children, does some part time paid work for cash & claims welfare. I work in the private sector in a well paid role albeit the industry is unstable & firm going through difficulties (not necessarily relevant I know but added just for context).
3) My wife is insistent that I leave the home as she blames me for the breakdown of the marriage and I have verbally agreed to do so as I don't believe the current environment is healthy or sustainable for any of us especially the kids who aren't having the opportunity to witness what a normal healthy married relationship looks like. I don't think it could be construed that I am abandoning the home but instead agreeing to leave at wife's behest.
4) My wife doesn't have the means to pay the mortgage which has a significant balance and term remaining and I want the children to remain in the home at least until they are college educated (if they choose to go to 3rd level). In other words, I have no desire for them to have to move.
5) I do have the means to fund the mortgage from my salary at the moment (or pay it off fully from savings) and am willing to do either rather than push for the house to be sold now (I accept if it went to court, the court would probably be reluctant to insist on a sale with the ensuing upheaval that might cause for the children so there is little merit in making an issue of mortgage payments etc. or being seen to play 'silly buggers' when there are means to fund it)
6) I want to us to try and arrive a fair and equitable position for both parties but fully expect that my wife (she has already given a verbal indication) will want the mortgage paid, house to be transferred 100% to her when discharged, significant ongoing maintenance and a significant proportion of the remaining cash assets (the vast majority of which is in my name although again I accept the courts would probably/definitely see this as joint marital assets).
7) I have an occupational pension scheme. My wife has no pension.
8) We have verbally agreed that when I move from the family home, the children will split their time living with mam and dad albeit in all probability they will spend 70% of their time with mum.
9) I think/hope we will try to arrive at a mediated settlement as I expect there would be a reluctance to declare in court that wife was in receipt of cash payments for 20 years.
My question(s) therefore is/are:
If i accept/agree that I will pay the mortgage fully, does leaving the family home now weaken any negotiating position I might have in respect of:
a) How the remaining cash assets or pension might be divided?
b) What might happen the family home when children are 23 and mortgage fully discharged?
Or should I insist on staying in the home until all matters are resolved via the legal process.
Thanks very much in advance for reading and taking time to offer an opinion. Mactha.
I've just joined the forum and it's a fantastic resource. Before posting, I've tried to read as much related content as possible already on here in respect of separation/divorce but decided maybe best just to ask my own question(s) and canvass as much opinion and hopefully benefit from the actual experience of others who have already been through the process as possible. I should also preface my question by saying I will obtain legal advice but also aware of the old "doctors differ" adage and thought there was merit in hearing actual real-life experience/opinions in parallel with seeing a solicitor. So my situation in brief is:
1) Two dependent children, both myself & my wife unfortunately agree marriage is over albeit the separation is not amicable.
2) Wife manages the home, undoubtedly has been the primary carer for our 2 children, does some part time paid work for cash & claims welfare. I work in the private sector in a well paid role albeit the industry is unstable & firm going through difficulties (not necessarily relevant I know but added just for context).
3) My wife is insistent that I leave the home as she blames me for the breakdown of the marriage and I have verbally agreed to do so as I don't believe the current environment is healthy or sustainable for any of us especially the kids who aren't having the opportunity to witness what a normal healthy married relationship looks like. I don't think it could be construed that I am abandoning the home but instead agreeing to leave at wife's behest.
4) My wife doesn't have the means to pay the mortgage which has a significant balance and term remaining and I want the children to remain in the home at least until they are college educated (if they choose to go to 3rd level). In other words, I have no desire for them to have to move.
5) I do have the means to fund the mortgage from my salary at the moment (or pay it off fully from savings) and am willing to do either rather than push for the house to be sold now (I accept if it went to court, the court would probably be reluctant to insist on a sale with the ensuing upheaval that might cause for the children so there is little merit in making an issue of mortgage payments etc. or being seen to play 'silly buggers' when there are means to fund it)
6) I want to us to try and arrive a fair and equitable position for both parties but fully expect that my wife (she has already given a verbal indication) will want the mortgage paid, house to be transferred 100% to her when discharged, significant ongoing maintenance and a significant proportion of the remaining cash assets (the vast majority of which is in my name although again I accept the courts would probably/definitely see this as joint marital assets).
7) I have an occupational pension scheme. My wife has no pension.
8) We have verbally agreed that when I move from the family home, the children will split their time living with mam and dad albeit in all probability they will spend 70% of their time with mum.
9) I think/hope we will try to arrive at a mediated settlement as I expect there would be a reluctance to declare in court that wife was in receipt of cash payments for 20 years.
My question(s) therefore is/are:
If i accept/agree that I will pay the mortgage fully, does leaving the family home now weaken any negotiating position I might have in respect of:
a) How the remaining cash assets or pension might be divided?
b) What might happen the family home when children are 23 and mortgage fully discharged?
Or should I insist on staying in the home until all matters are resolved via the legal process.
Thanks very much in advance for reading and taking time to offer an opinion. Mactha.
