Paying bridesmaids costs

been a bridesmaid twice...

...first time I was 14 and she is my godmother, paid for all. (not that the make-up was more than a splodge of max factor powder on the nose). Was abroad so flight as well but I think my mum helped out.

bridesmaid last year for mate, paid for all expenses that i wouldn't have incurred if not bridesmaid - so I paid for room, nails, tan etc. but not for dress, hair etc. Anything she picked she paid for, but shoes etc I paid for. It was an honour. And am now godmother to their little baby. Am picky about jewellery so didn't get a gift of that but they got their photographer to take some lovely extra shots and I got a beautiful framed photo of Glendalough.
 
I'm going to be bridesmaid for a friends wedding next year and I would be shocked if I was asked to pay for the dress, shoes, makeup trials etc.
 
Joe1234 said:
Why?
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I'd have to agree with Shiram...if I was asked to be best man or groomsman at a friend's wedding and they said "by the way, your suit is €400 and we want all the guys to get highlights in their hair which is gonna be €100 so can you transfer €500 over to my account" I wouldn't accept that.
 
Why should you expect the happy couple to pay for your expenses? They have enough expense in organising a wedding and honeymoon.
 
Agree with Shiram and John Rambo also. The reason being if somebody asks somebody to do something then surely it is the bridesmaid/groomsman doing the favour of agreeing to their request. Why should they be expected to pay the additional expense of looking a particular way for the wedding photographs as well as helping towards organising the wedding and being on hand during the day to help where possible?
 
PM1234 said:
Why should they be expected to pay the additional expense of looking a particular way for the wedding as well as helping towards organising the wedding and being on hand during the day to help where possible?
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Because they should be honoured to have been asked. Besides, how many ordinary female guests (not bridesmaids) are not going to get a new outfit, hair and makeup done for the wedding?
 
Joe1234 said:
Because they should be honoured to have been asked. Besides, how many ordinary female guests (not bridesmaids) are not going to get a new outfit, hair and makeup done for the wedding?
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I won't comment on the honour statement. I know many people who found it hard to refuse and would willingly have given up the 'honour'.

While some do, not everyone gets hair and make up done for weddings. Many people are very capable of doing their own. I'm unsure how many brides/grooms would be happy to see the bridesmaid/groomsman arriving with their own version of hair/makeup/shave etc

Not everyone gets a new outfit for every wedding they attend. But its a fair enough statement re the new outfit as some people will be buying one anyway. But its only a fair statement if the couple don't dictate what the person is to wear. In most wedding parties however this is not the case.
 
Joe1234 said:
Because they should be honoured to have been asked. Besides, how many ordinary female guests (not bridesmaids) are not going to get a new outfit, hair and makeup done for the wedding?
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This post will be deleted if not edited immediately, that 'honour' idea is so funny! How important do you think your wedding is?!!??

When I get married i'l have one bridesmaid, my best friend.. i won't assume she'l be 'honoured' to do it, the honour will be mine - to be lucky enough to have had her as a lifelong friend and by my side for an important occasion. I couldn't care less what she is wearing or what her hair is like - and i assume the congregation won't either, as they have known her for years and i have no urge to try and impress any of them, i would just like them to have a good day! Saying that, if i did want her in a pink princess ballgown with dallas style hair and makeup, i would only think it right to cover the costs!!

And as for assuming everyone can afford to buy new clothes and get full beauty treatments for weddings, you are severly deluded. A lot of people are budgeting and saving and don't have much spare cash. i find weddings a stretch to afford, by the time you pay for presents, drink for the night and accomodation - a new outfit and day at the hairdressers is definitely out of the picture for me.

Weddings and the whole pomp and ceremony obviously mean a lot for you, and that's fine - but not everyone shares that view
 
paddi22 said:
This post will be deleted if not edited immediately, that 'honour' idea is so funny! How important do you think your wedding is?!!??
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As you are not married, you do not seem to appreciate the importance of a wedding. Mrs Joe1234 and I are married 6 years and our wedding day was extremely important to us. When you get married you will appreciate that. When I was asked to be a groomsman (which I am later this year) I was extremely honoured to have been asked, and knowing how much a wedding costed 6 years ago, wouldn't dream of putting any extra expense on the groom by expecting him to pay for my suit or buy me new shoes.
 
PM1234 said:
I won't comment on the honour statement. I know many people who found it hard to refuse and would willingly have given up the 'honour'.
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If I was not in a position to carry out the duties of a bestman or groomsman, I would have no problem poiltely refusing!
 
Joe1234...i completely appreciate the importance of a wedding.. a wedding for me is the part where both of you make you vows - whether it's in a church or a shed, with no bridesmaids or 20, with noone watch or 400 watching.. the kerfuffle around the vows i think has been blown out of proportion nowadays.. i honestly don't see how what a bridesmaid wears reflects on the integrity of the ceremony or how you remember it down the line..
but to be honest, i think it's different for women and men.. men can get away with wearing suits again unnoticed.. a recognisable bridesmaid dress is often unwearable again... plus there is no comparision between the cost of hairdressing and shoes for men and for women... it's a different kettle of fish completely..
congartulations on having a ceremony that you obviously cherish.. but whats important for you often doesn't isn't the same for everyone...

i think its only fair if you want a wwoman to wear a dress she'l probably only get away with wearing once, and get her hair done in way she wouldn't have herself, then if its at your request - it's only fair to pay for it.. bridesmaids often do a lot of work before and after the ceremony and it's part of a thank you to them...
and as i said before, a lot of people don't have the cash to splash out on new outfits and expensive hairdo's regardless of their best intentions..
 
I think it is only fair that the couple pay for the bridesmaids dresses and accessories - it is the type of gear that most ladies won't get a second wear out of! The beauty treatments are a bit trickier but again I think that the bride should pay for these as she chose the bridesmaids and, while they may be honored, they did not choose that honor and shouldn't have to pay out for it. I don't think the couple should have to pay for any of the mother of the bride expenses - I don't know of any couples who have done. By the way is the 'going rate' still €100 per head for being invited to a wedding? A friend of mine went to SIX weddings last year and she was nearly bankrupted! And she wasn't even a bridesmaid...
 
I was bridesmaid three times in the last three years (and I was honoured to be asked to be honest!), in all instances the brides paid for the dress, the shoes and bought a gift which doubled as jewellery for the day. Two of the brides paid for hair, makeup and accomodation on the day (the bridesmaids did not have hair and makeup trials and that is normal as far as I am concerned).

I am getting married in August and I have asked my best friend to be my bridesmaid and I will be paying for her dress, shoes, hair on the day, makeup on the day and the accomodation. We will also be paying for the best mans suit and his accomodation. Although, from reading the posts here and on weddingsonline, it seems that paying for accomodation is not the norm.
 
My feelings on this would be that the bride/groom pay for dress & shoes.

If it's the bride/groom that want special hair and makeup etc then they pay but if it's the bridesmaid that wants the special hair and makeup the bridesmaid pays.
 
I had 3 bridesmaids & I paid for the dress, shoes, hair & make up. Got the 3 dresses for $100 each in Davids Bridal in Boston. Found them to be great.
The hair and make up were both specials when having 5 people done (my mother too) we got a good price. I wouldnt have felt comfortable splitting this cost and asking them to pay. All 3 got their tan and nails done before hand which I didnt pay for. I also bought them necklaces which doubled as a gift and did not pay for the accomodation. I havent heard of anyone paying for the hotel accom for BM's. If they want to stay in the hotel thats fine but their choice (they stayed), if I was to put pressure on them to stay maybe a different story.
 
I paid for dress, shoes, flowers and hair and make up on the day. Gave them necklaces and earings to wear on day as present. Never heard of paying for MOB at all. if they wanted more they paid for it. in short I paid for what I wanted done. If I were you I would def discuss this with them otherwise there will be a big row. Their job is to make your day easier!! not the other way round.
 
paddi22 said:
Joe1234...i completely appreciate the importance of a wedding.. a wedding for me is the part where both of you make you vows - whether it's in a church or a shed, with no bridesmaids or 20, with noone watch or 400 watching.. the kerfuffle around the vows i think has been blown out of proportion nowadays.. i honestly don't see how what a bridesmaid wears reflects on the integrity of the ceremony or how you remember it down the line..
but to be honest, i think it's different for women and men.. men can get away with wearing suits again unnoticed.. a recognisable bridesmaid dress is often unwearable again... plus there is no comparision between the cost of hairdressing and shoes for men and for women... it's a different kettle of fish completely..
congartulations on having a ceremony that you obviously cherish.. but whats important for you often doesn't isn't the same for everyone...

i think its only fair if you want a wwoman to wear a dress she'l probably only get away with wearing once, and get her hair done in way she wouldn't have herself, then if its at your request - it's only fair to pay for it.. bridesmaids often do a lot of work before and after the ceremony and it's part of a thank you to them...
and as i said before, a lot of people don't have the cash to splash out on new outfits and expensive hairdo's regardless of their best intentions..
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Ok, you made some fair points. I think we will have to agree to differ. Maybe I am looking at it from too much of a male point of view, but that is how I feel on the subject. From reading most of the other posts, it seems I am in the minority!
 
i'm having 3 - getting married in august. paying for dresses, shoes, hair and make up on the day and then a small gift for the 3 of them - to be honest, i'll probably treat us to a slap up meal in a fab restaurant as opposed to getting jewellery which would never be used!

I'm not paying for anything for my mum or for any trials/tan/manicures etc.
 
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