But no one lives in a bubble. If you always just seize your chance of happiness you could be doing it at the expense of other people. I know someone who 'seized their chance' to take up a great job that involved him being away from home 4 nights a week. His wife is suffering, his parents in law are having to give up time to help with the kids, and some of the wife's colleagues have started to complain about having to pick up some of the slack because she has to dash off at 5 every evening to collect the kids, instead of every second evening as previously and can no longer travel to meetings abroad. Your actions are going to affect lots of other people, so things need to be thought through.
But no one lives in a bubble. If you always just seize your chance of happiness you could be doing it at the expense of other people. I know someone who 'seized their chance' to take up a great job that involved him being away from home 4 nights a week. His wife is suffering, his parents in law are having to give up time to help with the kids, and some of the wife's colleagues have started to complain about having to pick up some of the slack because she has to dash off at 5 every evening to collect the kids, instead of every second evening as previously and can no longer travel to meetings abroad. Your actions are going to affect lots of other people, so things need to be thought through.
I can beat that. I know a guy that walked out on his wife two weeks after she brought their second child home from the hospital.
I think that people jump into things too lightly - without thinking about the consequences of what they are doing.
I know of a marriage that broke up after a year, the bride just said that it wasnt what she wanted and she felt trapped and was becoming increasingly distressed at the thoughts that this was what she was stuck with, she met someone else (also married but he had children) and they both decided to make a break for it and give it a go together.
I personally found it absolutely shocking. I couldnt understand why she had gotten married at all.I
Too many people are far more interested in the wedding (ie the party) than they are in the marriage, and too many people just randomly have children without thinking about the consequences of doing so.
Do you think that sometimes in an effort to 'repair' the relationship one or other of the couple decide a baby is the thing to bring them back together?
I agree. I think some people get engaged very lightly, get totally focussed on planning a big fancy wedding and then, when the wedding is just a few weeks away suddenly realise what they're doing but are too embarassed to call off the fabulous wedding they've been talking about all year. I feel sorry for anyone in that situation but think it is total madness to walk down the aisle with someone you know is not 'the one'. A few weeks of embarassment is surely better than a lifetime of unhappiness.
I agree. I think some people get engaged very lightly, get totally focussed on planning a big fancy wedding and then, when the wedding is just a few weeks away suddenly realise what they're doing but are too embarassed to call off the fabulous wedding they've been talking about all year. I feel sorry for anyone in that situation but think it is total madness to walk down the aisle with someone you know is not 'the one'. A few weeks of embarassment is surely better than a lifetime of unhappiness.
On the other hand is it worth staying together for the sake of the kids,if the kids are in an unloving environment with constant fighting and hostility?Recently heard that 2 people I know, both with young families, could be in the process of shacking up together. Here's hoping it doesnt happen but God I find it very depressing. On the presumption that neither of them is married to an axe murderer, could they not stick it out where they are??
Call me old-fashioned, but is it really worth disrupting your family and causing all that hurt, especially to young kids. I think its very selfish/ill-advised and whatever else.
& I dont subscribe to the "Mills & Boon" notion that romance just descended on us, we never meant it to happen. OK you mightnt have been happy or whatever but there's a point when you decide to cross the line from flirting to doing something about it - Just say NO
When you're kids are grown up then, fair enough, you only have 1 life, but getting married and having kids should mean a 20 year contract at least, your number one role is not to damage your kids too badly......
Personally I think the term "the one" is a load of rubbish. To suggest that there is one and only one person out there for you is lets say a little naive! But I agree with others, entering marriage should mean you are committing to stay with that person for the rest of your life.
On the other hand is it worth staying together for the sake of the kids,if the kids are in an unloving environment with constant fighting and hostility?
I know many separated people who are very happy with their lot,whose kids are as balanced or unbalanced as those who stayed together.
I think its down to the way the issue is handled and how well focused the parents are at keeping the children as their top priority.
I know of people who grew up in the days when most if not all couples stayed together regardless of how badly they were treated,be it alcohol,physical.mental abuse..or just plain unhappy..And my God did those kids have to suffer also..
There is usually a reason why people Cross that line..
I was out canvassing during the divorce referendum ,I was for giving people the choice,I had strong opposition from some people,who weirdly enough are in a position where they may now have to take that choice up..
I suppose its a case of never say never..
In my own family my parents separated after 25 years,I would say 10 of those 25 years were hell for us kids,having to listen to things kicking off every other day..so it does have an effect..I would walk if I felt the kids were living in that kind of environment..we were all much happier when they finally parted.
It is impossible to judge why others do what they do..and can be unfair as we never know what is happening behind the scenes.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?