My Story 1 Income, Spouse & 2 Kids

Discussion in 'Money makeover' started by tomtim, 28 Apr 2011.

  1. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    Last edited: 29 Apr 2011
    • As you have 0% interest on the Halifax, can you reduce amount to a minimum payment and pay off the higher BOI CC or Littlewoods ?
    • Did you neg. this deal with Halifax? If so,can you appraoch BOI as well and ask them to freeze interest?
    • Can your wife mind some children do some babysitting? This would seem very important so that she bears responsibity for paying off debt as well as you.
    • Have you switched to energy saving bulbs etc, use immersion only when necc ?
    • Can you advertise your nixer's as an add'l income stream?
    • Reconsider whether that add'l life cover is necc. What does it cost? Can you get an all in one package that will cover you if in arrears? Post in Life section of AAM for opinons on this. There are some professionals who will advise you.
     
    Last edited: 29 Apr 2011
  2. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    Yes the €175 includes the shopping & entertainment etc..

    My wife could child mind but given her LARGE circle of friends everyone is a stay at home parent. I'll investigate this!
    She went to 7 Friends kids birthdays last month FFS :)

    ------------------------


    • As you have 0% interest on the Halifax, can you reduce amount to a minimum payment and pay off the higher BOI CC or Littlewoods ?
    • The €180 is minimun for Halifax they were going to sell the debt to collectors before this was put in place so want to stick to the aggreement.

    • Did you neg. this deal with Halifax? If so,can you appraoch BOI as well and ask them to freeze interest?
    • Yes & maybe - Im not sure BOI will talk to me with the loan issue - I'll call and see.

    • Can your wife mind some children do some babysitting? This would seem very important so that she bears responsibity for paying off debt as well as you.
    • Yes possible - comments above.

    • Have you switched to energy saving bulbs etc, use immersion only when necc ?
    • Yes - I will be changing the autostart in the morning for hot water etc...

    • Can you advertise your nixer's as an add'l income stream?
    • Yes will do this over the next couple of days.
     
  3. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    tomtim, you're being very proactive great. Your wife needs to be the same so you're both singing from the same hymn sheet. Advertise babysitting/child minding in local shops, boards etc. Perhaps she could do this? You have a lot of great ideas on here, and the rudiments of a plan. Ring banks, advertise nixers etc. Set this all down in a to do list for the next few days and weeks. Set out a budget plan for wife's 175 and how this is used/broken down. Keep receipts, perhaps ask her to do this as her part in the strategy. Set aside 1 hour every other day to review. What's working, what needs to change etc. Planning is critical to the whole process. As is managing the plan. Highlight top priorities and work down the list. Again, well done. You will be suprised at how quickly you can bring control over all this I think.
     
  4. Greta

    Greta Frequent Poster

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    Tomtim, as you say you used to manage money OK before the wife came along:) you should be able to sort everything out, now that you have taken control again, I am very hopeful for you.

    I think if one spouse is capable of looking after finances, that's enough provided the other one doesn't sabotage all the efforts by reckless spending, running up secret debts etc. If you actively manage the finances and your wife at least sticks to the budget you set, you should pull through.

    Paying 40% interest on Littlewood (or anything else) is crazy and has to stop. Maybe, if she wants to spend extra, on top of the budget, on unnecessary things, she could earn it - by babysitting, delivering leaflets in the evening etc? It might teach her the value of money and will keep the family budget safe.
     
  5. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    26
    Hi,

    Thanks for the comments,
    Budget for this week: €175

    Here's what was spent today,

    Baby Milk + Normal: 15
    Mc Donald's: 9
    kids clothes: 16
    Postal Order: 15 (More crap we don't need)
    Kids Toy: 10
    2x Cutlery sets + 2 candle stands: 48
    Lotto: 3

    Total: €116

    Now you see what I'm dealing with :)
    Had another serious talk - I think its hitting home now.
    €62 until next Sunday & not a penny more. Aldi tomorrow.
     
  6. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    Clearly the message hasn't got thro yet. But it may take a bit of time. It would really be better if you both had ownership of the debt problem and finding the solution.You taking control is at best, a short-term solution.
     
  7. niceoneted

    niceoneted Frequent Poster

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    Tomtim,
    I admire you as you seem determined to sort the lot out.
    I suggest giving your wife less money. Go and do the food shopping with her. then give her an allowance for herself. say 30-50 a week.
    A lot of what she bought today is useless spending but you know that.
    You really need to keep on to her about it.
    I am a saver so her behaviour would drive me mad.
    Best of luck.
     
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  8. truthseeker

    truthseeker Frequent Poster

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    OP - whats the access to money? Joint bank account, laser cards, cheque books?

    It sounds harsh but you need to cut all avenues of access to money except the allocated weekly budget. I cannot see how your wife is taking this seriously if 116 of weekly budget was blown in one day on items like candle holders, cutlery, mcdonalds etc...
     
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  9. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    Yes it’s getting through slowly - There is no way I'm letting this slide. I can’t stand living the way we were the last 2 years.

    It was said earlier this is a lifestyle shift - I'm very happy to embrace it and get to a good position month after month. I will keep on her with the spending.
    Cutting access would be like cold turkey to a drug addict, I suspect I will need to move this way but in a more gradual approach.

    Access is via laser card - She took the €180 out this morning but had pre-arranged to buy the 2x Cutlery sets + 2 candle stands for €48 a few days ago. NO EXCUSE WTF do we need this for?????
    Can’t get annoyed as it will just lead to arguments.

    Will keep plugging away - I will be doing all the food shopping with her.
    Will update as the week progresses.
     
  10. Greta

    Greta Frequent Poster

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    I agree. Open your own bank account, if you don't have one already, i.e. without her, cut her access to any money except a small weekly allowance. No joint credit cards, store cards etc.
    No joint savings accounts either - if she does manage to run up debts in her own name, you need to make sure that her creditors can't come after you. I am still reeling from 40% interest on Littlewood spending...

    With two small children to take care of, financially among other things, such behaviour is inexcusable, it seems your wife has a spending problem akin to a drug problem. Cutting off access to money is the only cure, so long as you provide access to money, you are acting as her enabler, i.e. enabling her to continue with her addiction.

    Talking to her about it is all well and good, but so long as she has access to money, she might just be unable to fight her addiction. There really should be shopaholics rehabs, but as there aren't, you'll have to get it under control yourself:) Best of luck!

    PS Could you return some of the useless stuff she bought and get refunds? Or at least sell it, even for half-price? It will get you some money and it might get through to her that there is no point buying useless stuff if it gets taken away from her.
     
  11. becky

    becky Frequent Poster

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    I know a girl through a friend who sounds just like your wife. She use to blow €100 on crap in a pound shop. Her husband who is self employed now gives her cash every week and does the food shop with her. She has no access to credit cards or laser cards. it seems he had to do this after some terrible credit card bills. She was very resentful of this despite admitting that her spending was out of control.

    My friend maintained one of the problem was her trying to keep up with the celtic tiger stay at home mothers, my friend included. Another one, which sounds like your case, is she was always buying house stuff (in the pound shop) as they had moved into in a new house.

    My friend has the use of the cc card etc but would never spend €100 in a pound shop. She stopped buying stuff in front of this girl so as not to encourage her. This girl often remarked (isn't it well for some) on how I could buy what I want (I have a zero credit card bill).

    As you said you have to try and deal with the issue, with hopefully not too many arguments, but she was use to spending at will up to now so an adjustment period is inevitable.

    Best of luck.
     
  12. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    tomtim addicts recover by taking responsibility and owning the problem. There are reasons why people act the way they do. This might be worth exploring. Is she bored? What's motivating the behaviour?

    You taking full responsibility (even with her agreement) is a sure way to infantalise her. You become a parent to three rather than two. But I think you know that. The better way is to treat her and expect her to act like an adult. Taking responsibilty is a learning experience. Money is a joint responsibility where you will want to act as partners in finding a way out of these problems. It may take a bit longer, but unless you intend to manage the money forever and act as a parent, you will need to deal with this jointly.

    And recall both of you got into this problem together, your wife wasn't acting alone. I'm not assigning blame as it's pointless. But this problem cannot be totally laid at your wife's door.
     
  13. blueskies

    blueskies Registered User

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    Excellent responses Horusd,excellent financial advice coupled with compassion and insight.
     
  14. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    Thanks blueskies, as tomtim is already aware, financial matters are a joint responsibility. But the jokey comment in post 25 " see what I'm dealing with" indicates, there may be a tendency to view this as the wife's problem.

    This cannot be the case. This problem didn't fall out of the sky in the last few weeks, months or even years, and the OP is very aware of this to his credit. Taking financial responsibilty is and always was a joint venture. To blame the wife, and try to control her now would deny his part in the creation of the problem. This would be both wrong and unfair, and I think the OP is very aware of this.
     
  15. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    Hi Guys, Great comments,

    I don't want to turn this into a blame game as it will get us nowhere but just for the record - My personal out goings i.e. Money spend on myself by myself per month is about €50 - That’s a bad month.

    I have free transport to & from work, free lunches; I might go for a game of pitch & putt 3 times a month - That's it. I never carry money on me.

    Anyways, we have talked again & again about the budget and if she doesn’t stick to it then I explained I will need to cut off the access.
    The wife’s spending behavior is nothing new; her happiest time is shopping and buying stuff on the internet even though it’s not needed – My understanding is it stems from her childhood – Single parent, very tight financially, lost parents at a young age, Money was always an issue, trying to fill a void I guess etc…

    By no means is she bored, very active always doing something or going somewhere with friends etc…

    Spending today,

    €80 on Food supplies (Most of which should last for 2x weeks)

    Total Spend so far: €196

    Sold an item yesterday for €150 so that will offset yesterdays mess.
     
  16. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    Another positive, I adjusted the hot water last night. It was running for 3 hours every morning, changed it to 30 mins and still have hot water for shower and warn water for the day.

    Saves 75 hours of gas per month.
     
  17. Yachtie

    Yachtie Frequent Poster

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    A couple of years ago (before several gas price hikes) I worked out that an hour of gas usage cost us €1. I hope that your savings are in around that range, it would be a nice bit of extra cash to have.

    Also, when it comes to heating water, I use immersion when gas heating is not required. I find immersion to heat the water a lot quicker than the gas and *I think* that 1/2 hour of immersion is cheaper than 1hour of gas heating. May be worth checking out.

    Have to add that I aree with all the advice you already received and wish you luck.
     
  18. tomtim

    tomtim Registered User

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    Well first month is over now - went fairly well - Had a couple of unexpected spends I didn’t really plan for,

    Wife did some driving lessons & passed the driving test - so cheaper insurance in a couple months’ time which should payback. (That’s the Family loan €260 at the end)

    Here is June’s budget - Knocked €300 off the Littlewoods debt - That will be totally gone on the 1st of July.

    Also I’m still catching up on the mess of the other bills, Electric & Gas payment this month; also 2 months phone payments & a surprise overdraft €60 on the wife’s account.

    Mortgage 810
    Electricity 100
    Gas 90
    Phone 90
    Internet 50
    Food Supplies 500
    Littlewoods 300
    House Maintenance 78
    Bank of Ireland Overdraft 169
    Bank of Ireland Credit Card 70
    Halifax Credit Card 180
    Life Assurance 22
    Car Petrol 100
    NTL Final debt 60
    Overdraft 60
    Family Debt 260

    Total: €2,939

    Total Income is €3010 so that leaves €71 in the emergency fun.


    So first month is over & I feel we are making some progress.


    Thanks for the comments so far - Its great to get all this all clear and planned in my head.
     
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  19. suzie

    suzie Frequent Poster

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    Contact your insurance company, as you may be due a rebate now rather than at renewal...no harm in asking...

    S.
     
  20. horusd

    horusd Frequent Poster

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    April ? 2011

    Mortgage 790 (Interest Only)
    Electricity 160
    Gas 160
    Mobile Phones 65
    Internet 50
    Food Supplies 500
    Littlewoods 60
    Maintenance Fees 78
    Bank of Ireland Overdraft 169
    Bank of Ireland Credit Card 60
    Halifax Credit Card 180
    Life Assurance 22
    Car Petrol 100
    Personal Debt 240
    One off Overdraft 165

    Total Income: €3,010
    Total Out Going: €2,799
    Remainder: €211

    Mortgage 810
    Electricity 100
    Gas 90
    Phone 90
    Internet 50
    Food Supplies 500
    Littlewoods 300
    House Maintenance 78
    Bank of Ireland Overdraft 169
    Bank of Ireland Credit Card 70
    Halifax Credit Card 180
    Life Assurance 22
    Car Petrol 100
    NTL Final debt 60
    Overdraft 60
    Family Debt 260

    Total: €2,939

    Total Income is €3010 so that leaves €71 in the emergency fun.


    Well done tomtim, you seem to be making real progress. I'm a bit confused about the differences between the two months. Did you ditch the mobile phones? Are the gas/esb bills monthly rates or normal bi-monthly? You probably rounded some figures off by the looks of it. But the improvement is impressive!