Angeldelight, been following this thread for the past couple of days without commenting so as to reflect on your situation for a bit before jumping in.
Firstly, I must compliment you on both your courage and honesty on coming on here and laying it all bare as regards your overspending. Sometimes AAM can be a bruising and hard reality lesson, albeit with the best of intent from contributors. I truly hope you find some useful help in these pages and more importantly, then that you find and can maintain the resolve to follow through on the advice.
Anyway, in general, here's my take. Overall you are in quite an envious position as regards the level of your joint incomes and your ability to cover "essentials" such as the roof over your head and food.
After that, as so many others on here have pointed out, and mindful of your recent diagnosis and how much that may have played in getting you to this level of debt, you need to basically take an honest and strident look at what are the needs and wants in your life? To refer back to my own marketing days, I'm overtly conscious that in this hugely consumer, materialistic age, so many marketeers are constantly pitching material goods and services at you as needs, when the vast majority of them are wants.
Throw in the impact of influencing and peer pressure (and basically the compulsion to keep up with the neighbours) and you have a very strong series of urges to resist and if you are not strong-willed and independently minded enough to resist, many of them will sweep you in and sucker you into expenditure.
As well as the brilliantly suggested practice of carefully reviewing past expenditure and going forward with an honest and reflective household budget, I would also suggest a practice I started some twenty odd years ago of maintaining a wish list for all your planned purchases in the future. The rule is that no impulse purchases are allowed, if you want something it has to be on the list. Then prioritise everything on the list, with the obvious essentials (needs) at the top, working your way down by priority to the least wanted or needed items (the luxuries). Constantly review the list and for any new intended purchases or expenditure place them in the appropriate place of priority on the list before committing to a spend.
You should never purchace or expend on anything near the bottom of the list - if you need it or want it that bad it should be much further up the list, but then it gives you an opportunity and a pause for though to consider how it compares relative to other things on the list and that will aid you in deciding whether you really need it. Over time you will discover that things that you initially considered essentials or must haves are still near the bottom of the list and that you didn't really need them at all.
So be honest with yourself and your family and the best of luck. You'll get there, hopefully sooner than you think now that you've taken the first steps and come to a realisation of where you are and where you want (or need) to be.
Firstly, I must compliment you on both your courage and honesty on coming on here and laying it all bare as regards your overspending. Sometimes AAM can be a bruising and hard reality lesson, albeit with the best of intent from contributors. I truly hope you find some useful help in these pages and more importantly, then that you find and can maintain the resolve to follow through on the advice.
Anyway, in general, here's my take. Overall you are in quite an envious position as regards the level of your joint incomes and your ability to cover "essentials" such as the roof over your head and food.
After that, as so many others on here have pointed out, and mindful of your recent diagnosis and how much that may have played in getting you to this level of debt, you need to basically take an honest and strident look at what are the needs and wants in your life? To refer back to my own marketing days, I'm overtly conscious that in this hugely consumer, materialistic age, so many marketeers are constantly pitching material goods and services at you as needs, when the vast majority of them are wants.
Throw in the impact of influencing and peer pressure (and basically the compulsion to keep up with the neighbours) and you have a very strong series of urges to resist and if you are not strong-willed and independently minded enough to resist, many of them will sweep you in and sucker you into expenditure.
As well as the brilliantly suggested practice of carefully reviewing past expenditure and going forward with an honest and reflective household budget, I would also suggest a practice I started some twenty odd years ago of maintaining a wish list for all your planned purchases in the future. The rule is that no impulse purchases are allowed, if you want something it has to be on the list. Then prioritise everything on the list, with the obvious essentials (needs) at the top, working your way down by priority to the least wanted or needed items (the luxuries). Constantly review the list and for any new intended purchases or expenditure place them in the appropriate place of priority on the list before committing to a spend.
You should never purchace or expend on anything near the bottom of the list - if you need it or want it that bad it should be much further up the list, but then it gives you an opportunity and a pause for though to consider how it compares relative to other things on the list and that will aid you in deciding whether you really need it. Over time you will discover that things that you initially considered essentials or must haves are still near the bottom of the list and that you didn't really need them at all.
So be honest with yourself and your family and the best of luck. You'll get there, hopefully sooner than you think now that you've taken the first steps and come to a realisation of where you are and where you want (or need) to be.