Moneymakeover Marriage Financial & Pension Query

ClubMan said:
I presume that you're insinuating that separation/divorce is a likelihood here?
Click to expand...
In 7 years pension pot will be in play to keep system going unless they now start planning for first partners retirement and drop in shared household income need to be faced up to avoid problems down the road not taking tax free lump sum could cause problems if not agreed now by both partners,
 
Last edited:
salthill said:
I don’t appear to have the ability to reply individually
Click to expand...
Not sure exactly what you mean but these key posts might clarify matters?

Key Post - New users must wait one hour between posts and cannot put links in posts

Spammers flood askaboutmoney with posts with links To prevent that we have some limits on new users 1) They must wait an hour between posts. 2) They cannot put links in posts These restrictions are lifted, when you become an established poster. An established poster must have at least 10...
www.askaboutmoney.com

How to reply to or quote a post

To reply to a post, you just start typing in box below the post and then press Post Reply.
www.askaboutmoney.com
 
ClubMan said:
Sorry, I don't understand your poin
Click to expand...
One is thinking short term not taking Tax free pension lump sum might be hard to understand when you think short term,
The other is thinking long term short term has won out so far, Pension pot tax free lump sum might get raided when he reaches 65,

Looks like there will be over 200K tax free to pay off what I would call household debt in 7 years, when he retires,
 
Last edited:
Are you assuming your wife will work until 65 too? Or has this been discussed? It seems unlikely she'll want to keep working for so long after you've retired.
 
There’s a show in America called Dave Ramsey. You can find it on YouTube. He gives financial and relationship advice. Loads of couples have similar problems by not being financially aligned. I wish you and your marriage luck into the future….Andrew
 
This is a relationship issue first, and a financial issue second.

I understand that many couples operate separately finances [e.g. "how are you paying for your half of the holiday?", "I got dinner last time we went out, this time is your turn"]; I could never operate like that, but each to his/her own. But to operate independent finances, I think it's important that you both have similar financial priorities/outlooks.

I suggest firstly obtain relationship counselling, with a "I want this to work, so let's see what we can do to meet your lifestyle goals while not going broke" type of attitude. Once that's agreed, the outcome should ideally be to get an independent financial adviser to look at your combined finances, to see how you can structure/plan things to keep you both happy.

If your wife pushes back on this, well, to me it doesn't sound like you'll both ever be happy together.
 
Looking forward to your replies Salthill. I think the comment you eat beans was a bit tongue in cheek but will let you clarify.

It is great that you are mortgage free in your main home. It gives you great spending power with your take home
Income. It give you a solid base into retirement.

Yes you could be drawn into your wives debt woes if she has taken out loans in both your names or put debt ridden assets in joint names. You won’t know unless you see all the paperwork. People in debt can do very foolish things. She probable has not done anything like that yet. But I get the impression you paid off the €75K debt and it was not done jointly. But the main long term issue is that her pension may be way less than yours in retirement. So her lifestyle will diminish.

Giving €1500 for groceries and then paying off all the other monthly bills sounds like you are more than 50% contributing to the household expenses? It would be great if you could both sit down and assess spending jointly monthly or annually but you seem a long way from that in your marriage.

And who pays for the holidays and the private schooling (and the skiing trips, horse riding, chello, or whatever other extras are involved with the private school.). Fine if you do it 50:50 but if you are expected to pay all of that it is another disfunction.

I think you are right to maximise your pension, and while you may be fine with a €1M pension pot, what if you end up divorced? It may not happen but if say in 6 years when you are close to retirement, the girls are out of the house, working and in college and suddenly your wife decides that you are boring and won’t travel the world with her? She divorces you, goes to live in her rental property and demands half your pension because she has not being paying into hers? You have no idea of her pension status, these are the type of questions that would keep me awake at night.

It sounds as if you are helping fund a very nice lifestyle currently. You say this makes you both happy in your marriage which is great. So while you may be a frugal saver at heart you have participated in the marriage spending willingly and happily. But the fact that in return you have no visibility of your wives financial affairs is leading to a breakdown of trust and worry on your part. This is only an issue that could snowball and lead to significant issues unless you can both address it in a safe and caring manner.

Best of luck
 
The threat that your marriage will breakdown if you don't give into her demands sounds very unhealthy.
I'd echo what others have said, this is really a relationship issue and not a financial one. I would think marriage counselling would be a good place to start. Personally, based on the limited info available here I'd be considering worst case scenarios for any long term financial planning.
 
salthill you mentioned that your wife sees retirement as a long time away for both of you I suspect this is an age gap problem,
It may not be a bad idea to look at you situation money wise if you were to retire in 3 years when you are 60,
raking up family debt at 57 is not a good idea the window for clearing it off before retirement is short at your age before household income drops off in retirement,
It is quite possible debt is not as high as you think you both need a plan to manage debt by the time the first partner retires,
 
Last edited:
Clamball said:
Looking forward to your replies Salthill.
Click to expand...
I imagine he got a bit of a land reading the replies.

Not sure there will be any more replies.

People often think its best leave sleeping dogs lie rather than confront the problem....of course I coukd be wrong on this.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top