Hubby to be- Brutal with Money

Does he share the same goal as you i.e. paying off the mortgage in 10 years? If so, he should see that he should discuss with you about how he can contribute to that instead of getting into debt. But if he's stressed about it or has issues about separate finances etc it might take him some time to get around to that conversation where you help him manage his finances.

You sound like you're on top of your own finances so would have no problem in advising him there.
 
Sorry just noticed someone else said the same thing. It just seems weird to me. I have a much bigger mortgage(unfortunatly) and get the same pay roughly as himself. I go out every fri sat without fail have a car and still never have had to go for a loan ever. The whole thing just seems a bit fishy to me.
 
earning 60k a year why on earth dos he need to be borrowing,is he a secret gambler by any chance?
 
ainya said:
earning 60k a year why on earth dos he need to be borrowing,is he a secret gambler by any chance?
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Indeed, and she is on "60-80K" at age 24, short of a serious coke habit they will work out just fine!
 
suemoo said:
Hi all,

Just wondering if I could get some advice?

Im engaged to a fantastic guy however when it comes to money matters Im concerned. I must however point out firstly that when it comes to my finances Im very organised. Im 24 and have a pension, Max SSIA maturing next month and I also have some investments in stocks and an investment property. I think Im good at planning finances (im not a miser i go on holidays a couple of times a year and im always out and about : )
However im not sure if im being abit harsh with him because im good at my own money management and he is not...

He would earn approx 60k a year
Mortage of 160k
personal loan 23k
small pension
struggles to meet loan repayments
(he pays mortage and I pay all other bills so we pay out fair share)

My plan is for us both to plough money into the mortage and pay if off in less then 10 years....however hubbys attitude to cash is worrying me....he constantly goes to the bank for top up loans and cant seem to manage from one week to the next, money burns a hole in his pocket and its like he is on a mission to get rid of it once he has it. Any advice on how to tackle this problem? at the end of the day im really concerned about the future, I may not always be working as we would like a large family and with childminding costs this may not be an option for us so he will be the breadwinner....All I want is for out finances and commitments to loans/mortages reduced to nothing or to such a low level it allows us to have a fantastic standard of living..... : ) I also want to be in the position to have a good nest egg for out pension and our future children and I know how to do all these things....but how do I convert hubby to be to my way of thinking???? I dont want to be nagging him either.

any suggestions?
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Hi! If I've understood you correctly you are living together in your fiance's house and plan to get married. Currently he continues to pay the mortgage on his house and the remainder of the bills are shared?........yes? You plan to start contributing to the mortgage.

If I have understood this correctly it would explain why he has less disposable income than yourself at present and needs 'top-up' loans. If you do mutually decide that you will share responsibility for the mortgage I suggest you discuss this very thoroughly - preferably with an outside financial advisor - as presumably your idea would be to become a joint mortgagee? At the beginning of a relationship people don't want to think about the eventuality if for any reason they split up, fall out, grow apart, change incompatibly and this kind of thing happens all over the place. You would be signing up to the mortgage at a relatively late stage and need to establish firm, written understanding on that score.
 
Just to clarify!!!!

He doesnt have a coke habit or is a raging gambler!! ha ha

I pay the bills - phone,ESB,heating,Sky, most of the shopping, and the SSIA (which is both our next egg for when we have some chislers running about) and he pays the mortage

his out goings are the mortage - approx 800 a month and he also pays back his loan approx 20k at this stage I think he pays 100 a week on that as well....so he pays out about 1200 a month.

hmmmm I suppose its that bloody loan thats knackering him.
 
20k of a loan is a fairly hefty loan - wonder what the interest on that is.

Would he not reduce the social spending and pay off his loan? Does he have a credit card bill?

You say he's getting stressed about it - has he made any movement at all to stay in and save some money instead?
 
annR said:
20k of a loan is a fairly hefty loan - wonder what the interest on that is.

Would he not reduce the social spending and pay off his loan? Does he have a credit card bill?

You say he's getting stressed about it - has he made any movement at all to stay in and save some money instead?
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intrest on the loan is good- 7% from a credit union.

he doesnt have a credit card - I managed to talk him into getting rid of his and he uses my one instead for any purchases he needs with credit - as i pay mine off straight away

He hasnt made a huge attempt if im honest about cutting back on going out....
 
I would suggest - opening up two joint accounts, one current account & one savings account. Work out how much needs to go into the Joint Current account every month to cover mortgage, groceries, esb & other joint household expenses (along with annual expenses like house insurance), divide this amount by 2 & then set up a standing order from both of your own personal accounts to cover these. Have all joint bills coming out of this joint current account.
The 2 of you then need to discuss how much you would like to save & then have another standing order set up into joint deposit account for this.
Have these standing orders set up so that they come out the day after pay day.
You can then if you choose monitor the joint account in case t/fs need to be increased for any reason & can make sure that all bills are paid - but it doesnt appear that you are controlling his money which is good - you are simply controlling your joint finances.

Then its up to you both what you do with the remainder of your money.

This is the way we work - both t/f €1.2k into joint account & that covers everything joint. I don't answer to him regarding my personal spending/loans etc & he doesnt answer to me! Sometimes we would discuss & each of us would suggest ideas to other regarding personal finance but don't make decisions for each other. All large joint purchases are discussed by both of us.

You can't try to change someone into your way of thinking that will deff cause fights - I learned this early on. Diff people deal with their finances in diff ways.

Now I suppose if he was getting deeply in debt that might be an issue but try the joint thing & see how it goes first, at least that way joint stuff will be ok, & mayb if that works out you can start to gently tackle the topup loans etc.

Have to say that the whole pocket money thing is beyond me - I think that it probably does suit some people but I could never do it.
 
Hi Winnie.......I appricate your response...I also feel that your suggestion could really work for us.

I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical security....yet for us both to retain control and responsability for our spending...im not his mammy and i dont want to be shelling out pocket money!! as I said earlier if i even attempted to suggest this he would tell me to feck off (i woudl do the same if that was suggested to me)

Im going to sit down with him and put your idea to him and see what he says! : )

thanks again all for your input, I wont go into this conversation head first now so the outcome should be positive!
 
suemoo said:
I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical security....
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You have a combined income of €120 - 140k per year, and you have a home with a smallish mortgage payment.

I assure you, you are already waaaaaaay more financially secure than the average Irish person :)
 
suemoo said:
Hi Winnie.......I appricate your response...I also feel that your suggestion could really work for us.

I suppose the end result I want is for our finances as a couple is finanical security....yet for us both to retain control and responsability for our spending...im not his mammy and i dont want to be shelling out pocket money!! as I said earlier if i even attempted to suggest this he would tell me to feck off (i woudl do the same if that was suggested to me)

Im going to sit down with him and put your idea to him and see what he says! : )

thanks again all for your input, I wont go into this conversation head first now so the outcome should be positive!
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If either of you like to use the computer (hopefully him!), you might want to try using Microsoft Money or something similar. (I have no connection to Microsoft.) You can have all bills scheduled in it so you can always see what's coming up in the near future, and you can generate reports on where your money is going and make projections for the future.
I find it really helpful although there's a little bit of regular work involved if you want to keep everything up to date. My hub has no interest at all in money but will look at the information in MS Money occassionally and play around with the reports to see where we stand.
 
yes, create your own spreadsheet like I did. I have the entire year forecast in advance as I know when money comes in and out and I put in floats at the end of each month for "spending money".... which get reduced as money is spent. It's an easy way to track your spending.
 
hi Suemoo - any update on the situation? how did Christmas go with his spending? This is a very interesting topic and one which I know I (and probably many more ) could learn a lot from various people's inputs.

My biggest question is how to persuade/cajole someone in to doing a cash diary? I can't seem to get my other half past day 2 before he chucks in the towel and therefore he doesn't really know where his money goes. Also makes it quite difficult to plan ahead.

So any update? Are you and Mr. Suemoo to be now like Mr. and Mrs Eddie Hobbs?!
 
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