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Hubby to be- Brutal with Money
- Thread starter suemoo
- Start date
I'd say you need to sit down and discuss it, one thing I see is that you're engaged, but I didn't notice any info on wedding / saving for wedding.... Although you may not have yet set date or discussed exactly when it will happen it may be a good way of raising the discussion.
Give yourselves a short term goal of saving for a contingency fund for a wedding, and see how he feels about that, would he be happy enough for you to be the driver on this bit of the finance...
Let this be the baby step toward openly discussing your finances. You could say that havig €5-10k ready for paying deposits will help you both planning the future.
Give yourselves a short term goal of saving for a contingency fund for a wedding, and see how he feels about that, would he be happy enough for you to be the driver on this bit of the finance...
Let this be the baby step toward openly discussing your finances. You could say that havig €5-10k ready for paying deposits will help you both planning the future.
hi mell.........we plan on marrying next summer...havent set a date yet but we will be in the next couple of weeks......we dont need to save to for the wedding as my folks are dontating 10k to pay for it.. (god bless them both : ) ....I dont intend in going over that amount as i feel thats too much to spend on one day as it is.......so cant tie him down with that!!!!!
well good luck on that, can you try a €10k honeymoon fund ;-)
I got married earlier this year, and completely off your original subject, I'd recommend you ask everyone for discounts, from hotel to car to dress.... it'll take a hard neck, but you'll be surprised by how many discounts you can get!
I got married earlier this year, and completely off your original subject, I'd recommend you ask everyone for discounts, from hotel to car to dress.... it'll take a hard neck, but you'll be surprised by how many discounts you can get!
Hi Ann......Suemoo
What's his attitude to this? Does he acknowledge that you're better at managing finances or might he take offence? I would suss out his feelings on it and I agree with previous poster to be careful not to hit any sore spots, it can be a sensitive topic for both parties.
Rereading your initial post, it sounds to me like you think his spending is a bit out of control. This may be a different issue than simply managing finances if he has to change his spending habits. One approach is to discuss the larger plan with him, agree on investments etc and he'll just have to make do with what he's left with . . .but will he just keep going to the bank for top up loans?
A
Im not sure what cateogry I would put him in, he is not a wreckless spender, just a very poor planner.....he does have mortage and loan come straignt out of his wages so they are always paid and is isnt a flashy guy so he doesnt waste money on nonsense....he loves to go out for meals a a few pints, he is a social guy and loves people! one of the reasons why i love him so much!!
Things came to a head a while ago when i got a wake up call to his poor planning.....he used to pay the ESB bill and for some reason the money was not deducted for 6mth (he is on a billpay direct from his wages scheme) he didnt notice and they cut us off!!!!! we sorted the same day and got it turned back on again as we had the cash to pay for it but this is just as example of why im concerened..........after that happended I began to question his spending habits more, i asked him if i could see his statements and saw the numerous top up loans (he was badly hurt in a car crash a couple of years ago and is due a very well deserved payout in the next year or two) so his attitude is "i will clear it when the money comes through" but i think thats the wrong attitude to have......knowing him that money will be gone in 6mths!!
It is a sore point for him, i think he is under alot of stress with his poor money mangement and all I want to do is to help him out and get his finances on track............
triplex.....you have hit the nail on the head! but i will be damned if im going down that route. I want stability and money to be a source of pleasure in our lives, not one to fall out over
Hi There,
With money most (alot) of people earn more and more but never seem to have any spare cash i.e. the more you have the more you spend. Often if you try to explain what's going on it comes across as a lecture, there's a game called Cashflow 101 invented by the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad books, its a bit like monopoly but you begin to understand were all the money is going. Maybe buy a copy, its a bit expensive so try ebay, play a few games and through the game he should learn how to manage his (yours soon) money a bit better.
Shmee
With money most (alot) of people earn more and more but never seem to have any spare cash i.e. the more you have the more you spend. Often if you try to explain what's going on it comes across as a lecture, there's a game called Cashflow 101 invented by the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad books, its a bit like monopoly but you begin to understand were all the money is going. Maybe buy a copy, its a bit expensive so try ebay, play a few games and through the game he should learn how to manage his (yours soon) money a bit better.
Shmee
H
HotdogsFolks
Guest
Not everyone wants to be watching every cent - some people have bigger priorities in their lives. Obviously that is the kind of guy Mr. Suemoo is.
He actually doesn't sound totally useless with money. Just... could do with a few little fixes here and there.
This whole idea of him having to discuss his spending or you controlling his money is horrendous, really.
I know this forum is about people who are mildly obsessed with money, but most people are not like the AAM members!
Chat to him about being more responsible with his money. Don't treat him like a child...
He actually doesn't sound totally useless with money. Just... could do with a few little fixes here and there.
This whole idea of him having to discuss his spending or you controlling his money is horrendous, really.
I know this forum is about people who are mildly obsessed with money, but most people are not like the AAM members!
Chat to him about being more responsible with his money. Don't treat him like a child...
R
r2d2
Guest
suemoo,
A quick question for you.....
Is it obvious to you what he's spending his money on....e.g. can you see a tangible purchase/purchases ?
r2d2
A quick question for you.....
Is it obvious to you what he's spending his money on....e.g. can you see a tangible purchase/purchases ?
r2d2
liteweight
Registered User
- Messages
- 1,678
hi there Hotdogsfolks.......thanks for your reply...
thats actually one of the reasons why i posted for some advice as I accept that when it comes to my own finances im pretty much on top of things and i certainly dont want to to come across like his mother or some type of female eddie hobbs!! as you can see i totaly disagreed with the "pocket money" idea.........
i just want to help as i know he is under pressure with it all
thats actually one of the reasons why i posted for some advice as I accept that when it comes to my own finances im pretty much on top of things and i certainly dont want to to come across like his mother or some type of female eddie hobbs!! as you can see i totaly disagreed with the "pocket money" idea.........
i just want to help as i know he is under pressure with it all
R
r2d2
Guest
And there was me thinking he sounded like he was having fun....
Actually, in all seriousness he sounds a bit like I was (without the additional vices)....Best thing Mrs d2 did was get a hold of me, kick me in my metal butt and take the reigns until I grew up and copped on. Men can tend in their 20's - maybe 30 (although I do know many exceptions) to be quite immature and all over the place with money...!
Anyway, if he loves you and values your relationship he'll work with you to find a common ground on this one !
Best of luck,
r2d2
liteweight
Registered User
- Messages
- 1,678
Another good tack is to tell him you're sick of looking after the finances. Ask him to do it for a few months. He'll be pleading with you to take over after month 2.
he spends his money on going out and in general ejoying life.......then along comes a bill - car insurance renewal,xmas etc and wham, he has no money to pay for stuff like this so he gets a top up loan to pay for stuff like that.....he only gets small laons --500euro-1000...
The general consensus of the thread from both sexes so far seems to be that women are better at managing day to day money affairs than men.
Years ago, when I was young and single my CC was constantly maxed out. My wages used to bring my overdraft down below the authorised level and I was always in debt. I hadn't a penny to my name and it didn't worry me.
When I grew up a bit and moved in with the G/F and we took out a mortgage. We decided that we would have a joint finances and accounts. I was really looking forward to sepnding Ms Murts money.
It didn't happen that way. She took complete control of the finances. It was what was needed at the time.
Now I don't bother about money or what account it is in. As long as there is money in the account when I want it I'm relatively happy. Mrs Murt looks after all the bills, savings and other matters. She moves the money round from one account to another and makes sure that all the bills are paid when they are due. Major decisions are discussed. She is still by nature far more cautious than I am and hates when I want to take a punt on something speculative (ie recent Aer Lingus flotation).
I think a lot of young fellas have the same attitude about money as I had. It's in the genes (some have it more than others). Spend now worry later. Over very long periods of evolution men have been hunter gatherers. Women on the other hand in general stayed at home. They seen to it that their children will be fed and cared for and they were in charge of running the home. The womans job was no less important. It just requires a different kind of skill.
Just because we've had womens lib for the past 50 or so years doesn't change millions of years of evolution. Women now work outside the home, but in my experience at home it's still the woman who is the real boss. We are what we are.
On the same subject in a way. I always find it amusing when I hear a woman in work say that she is taking a day off to give the house a thorough spring cleaning. When was the last time you heard a man say that? Men regard their day off as a day of leisure.
If you try a financial system and it works for you. That's all that matters.
Murt
Years ago, when I was young and single my CC was constantly maxed out. My wages used to bring my overdraft down below the authorised level and I was always in debt. I hadn't a penny to my name and it didn't worry me.
When I grew up a bit and moved in with the G/F and we took out a mortgage. We decided that we would have a joint finances and accounts. I was really looking forward to sepnding Ms Murts money.
It didn't happen that way. She took complete control of the finances. It was what was needed at the time.
Now I don't bother about money or what account it is in. As long as there is money in the account when I want it I'm relatively happy. Mrs Murt looks after all the bills, savings and other matters. She moves the money round from one account to another and makes sure that all the bills are paid when they are due. Major decisions are discussed. She is still by nature far more cautious than I am and hates when I want to take a punt on something speculative (ie recent Aer Lingus flotation).
I think a lot of young fellas have the same attitude about money as I had. It's in the genes (some have it more than others). Spend now worry later. Over very long periods of evolution men have been hunter gatherers. Women on the other hand in general stayed at home. They seen to it that their children will be fed and cared for and they were in charge of running the home. The womans job was no less important. It just requires a different kind of skill.
Just because we've had womens lib for the past 50 or so years doesn't change millions of years of evolution. Women now work outside the home, but in my experience at home it's still the woman who is the real boss. We are what we are.
On the same subject in a way. I always find it amusing when I hear a woman in work say that she is taking a day off to give the house a thorough spring cleaning. When was the last time you heard a man say that? Men regard their day off as a day of leisure.
If you try a financial system and it works for you. That's all that matters.
Murt
I have to say I find some of the suggestions on this topic close to shocking - doling out money to the other half sounds like a recipe for disaster. That said, finances can be one of the biggest stressors in a relationship if things get tight so it's important to know where you stand.
One of the other posters mentioned that it's not essential to merge finances completely, and I'd amplify that: in fact if anything, I think it's a good idea not to. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you abrogate any right to personal space, and that includes some financial autonomy; I think a lot of people feel they ought to merge finances completely when marrying, and really don't understand why. Don't do it unless you're totally comfortable with it. Personal view only, of course, but mercifully shared by the other half!
It's usually a good plan for one person to be the bill-payer - whether running it through your own a/c, or whether you both set up a joint account and feed it by direct debits from personal bank accounts. Sounds like the bill-payer should be you, suemoo, since you notice whether or not the bills are paid! And you might want to have a joint savings account for contingencies, big purchases, holidays, whatever. But then again, you might each want to keep your savings entirely personal, and that's also reasonable.
Do discuss finances openly, and the degree to which you want to merge your finances, but as part of overall planning for the future. Are there big things to save for - house upgrade? children? furniture? You'll want to feel you're both pulling your weight on things like that. And there're long term issues to consider as well - retirement and pensions are cheaper the earlier you get the ball rolling. More than anything else, know where you both stand - and make it a discussion, not a confrontation or an "intervention"!
One of the other posters mentioned that it's not essential to merge finances completely, and I'd amplify that: in fact if anything, I think it's a good idea not to. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you abrogate any right to personal space, and that includes some financial autonomy; I think a lot of people feel they ought to merge finances completely when marrying, and really don't understand why. Don't do it unless you're totally comfortable with it. Personal view only, of course, but mercifully shared by the other half!
It's usually a good plan for one person to be the bill-payer - whether running it through your own a/c, or whether you both set up a joint account and feed it by direct debits from personal bank accounts. Sounds like the bill-payer should be you, suemoo, since you notice whether or not the bills are paid! And you might want to have a joint savings account for contingencies, big purchases, holidays, whatever. But then again, you might each want to keep your savings entirely personal, and that's also reasonable.
Do discuss finances openly, and the degree to which you want to merge your finances, but as part of overall planning for the future. Are there big things to save for - house upgrade? children? furniture? You'll want to feel you're both pulling your weight on things like that. And there're long term issues to consider as well - retirement and pensions are cheaper the earlier you get the ball rolling. More than anything else, know where you both stand - and make it a discussion, not a confrontation or an "intervention"!