Divorce…Negotiating a settlement between us to present to Solicitor … Advice please.

He stopped paying through covid despite taking a mortgage break and getting supports and also refused to take the children to spend time with him so his childrens fonancial well being so not play heavily on his mind plus he knows I can and do spend 90% of my salary on my kids because he won’t .
 
Jumbled said:
Mortgage e750, his rent e 650.
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So his housing costs are €375 (€750/2) + €650 = €1025.
Your housing cost is €375 a month. Therefore he's paying €650 a month more than you.
Who pays the Life Insurance/Mortgage protection policy?
Who pays the utility bills?
Do you have private health insurance?

All of these things need to go into the mix.
 
I pay all other bills/ utilities/ food/ clothes etc etc and each and every expemse for the children,

Car loan, all Ed, med, orthodontic , pharmacy and associated bills and treatments and therapies for the children.

The e150 per week is the sum total of his
Contribution to our childrens outgoings, again who are with me 100% of the time.
Hope this makes sense.
 
Jumbled said:
I suggested recently that he sort his returns etc as they would be needed by his solicitor for affidavit
Of means etc. he went bananas so that’s not going to happen.
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He can go as bananas as he likes - it's a court requirement - so he'll have to produce it in the end.

this will be a long road - avoid personal remarks, ultimately it does you no good in the long run.

Think of this as a difficult but important client at work. Stay professional, be assertive, stick to the facts.

to add: you need better advice than whatever you are getting at present.
 
If he is honest in his declarations that is good news for the children then , thanks.
 
Jumbled said:
I believe that it is down to me and my costs to pursue a non paying parent through the court of they break court ordered maintenance.
Is this actually true????
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Yes that is the case - there is no agency type support available, though you can represent yourself in court if you don't qualify for free legal aid. Many parents give up.
 
So having read all of this information, would taking his offer of a 50:50
Equity settlement in lieu of half my pension and other property share ( which I’d have to force a sale on otherwise) be a good idea broadly ?
 
Jumbled said:
So having read all of this information, would taking his offer of a 50:50
Equity settlement in lieu of half my pension and other property share ( which I’d have to force a sale on otherwise) be a good idea broadly ?
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No one can really answer that question for you; sit down and do the numbers. You could see about mediation as well. Don't trade off the children's share either; particularly if one or more of your children will continue to need support when they become adults.
 
Jumbled said:
So having read all of this information, would taking his offer of a 50:50
Equity settlement in lieu of half my pension and other property share ( which I’d have to force a sale on otherwise) be a good idea broadly ?
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We’d need all the facts and figures to be able to say if it’s equitable - you could have a million plus in the pension and equally the property share could be peanuts

But I wouldn’t necessarily agree with no maintenance in lieu of anything and don’t forget you’ll be paying the full mortgage. But he’s clearly keen to sort so he can purchase his own property so now is a good time to sort out proper maintenance. Current amount and the half mortgage payment is roughly €110 a week? Go with that or look for more but a realistic figure is what’s likely to be paid I’m sure and don’t forget you can revisit child maintenance as many times as is needed up to the age of 23 if in full time education
 
Jumbled said:
I pay all other bills/ utilities/ food/ clothes etc etc and each and every expemse for the children,

Car loan, all Ed, med, orthodontic , pharmacy and associated bills and treatments and therapies for the children.
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Does he have a car loan as well?
Could you get aa cheaper car and get rid of the loan?
The direct costs associated with the children (food, clothes, education, health, dental etc are what you need to concentrate on. Your utility bills will be higher than his because there are more of you in the house but he has utility bills as well.

So, what are the monthly average direct costs relating to the children plus the difference in your utility bills, less the difference in housing costs, less the maintenance he pays (or should be paying)?
Jumbled said:
The e150 per week is the sum total of his
Contribution to our childrens outgoings, again who are with me 100% of the time.
Hope this makes sense.
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The fact that he's self employed can help him under declare his income. My Ex generates significant cash in her business and doesn't declare. She also refuses to pay costs relating to the children. In the end it's easier to just pay them myself and not have the stress of dealing with her. I have less money but far less stress. Be aware of your own mental health in all of this. Financial victories can sometimes be pyrrhic in nature.
 
luckystar said:
We’d need all the facts and figures to be able to say if it’s equitable - you could have a million plus in the pension and equally the property share could be peanuts

But I wouldn’t necessarily agree with no maintenance in lieu of anything and don’t forget you’ll be paying the full mortgage. But he’s clearly keen to sort so he can purchase his own property so now is a good time to sort out proper maintenance. Current amount and the half mortgage payment is roughly €110 a week? Go with that or look for more but a realistic figure is what’s likely to be paid I’m sure and don’t forget you can revisit child maintenance as many times as is needed up to the age of 23 if in full time education
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I meant €110 per child so €330 per week
 
The bottom line is that all our expenses in the home , inclusive for f bills, utilities , loan , therapies, medical , dental etc etc come to e1000 per week for four of us.
The childrens expenses including all utilities, bills etc come to e750 as an average, I’d utilities and bills divided in quarters.
Dad contributes e150.
He eatms the same as me .. circa e1500+ per week gross.
 
So for your children's expenses, you also calculate your car loan repayments and utility bills...
He has the same expenses on his side I would imagine.
That's the reason why your calculation for children's costs is so high. Having 2 children, I could not see how it could get that high (without university costs or childcare), and I just thought you had very high medical expenses. But I would not consider my car loan to be a children's expense, some petrol perhaps.
Without the children, would you have no utilities (I would say it is fair though to consider some consumption linked to them) and no car? Do you separate your own personal expenses from that amount as you say €1000 per week for 4 of us?
I am not a legal expert but I would say you would have to make a clear calculation of the costs that are directly for your children.
 
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Yes I was advised by accountant to include all of these esp as the kids are with me 24/7 .
He will also have all of these expenses but only for himself. So he had a four bed house that he does not need for example as our kids don’t see him,
 
Thanks .
Without children I would have very few subscriptions, much lower broadband, less heat/ electricity/ phone bills/ transport costs/ food/ phones… the list goes on …

My house would be an apartment and my utilities and bills substantially smaller. As would my car .
I have had to extend my home by adding an extra room, bathroom refurbished and attic for out for storage. He refused to contribute .
I have bikes and all related school books/ fees/ uniforms/ trips / TY and tours to pay out .
All activities.

Dr/ orthodont/ dental and therapies for specific needs.
 
Alone, I would doubt you would actually live on €250 a week even after accommodation costs.
But as I said, I am not a legal expert. I was just surprised the calculation.
 
I'll keep saying this till ye pay attention

Forget the notion of "children's expenses"; maintenance is based on income and outgoings.

Take one sheet of paper, draw a vertical line down the middle.

On the left put down everything you pay for, work each item to an annualised figure.

On the right put down every source of income.

That's your statement of means.
 
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Jumbled said:
Thanks .
Without children I would have very few subscriptions, much lower broadband, less heat/ electricity/ phone bills/ transport costs/ food/ phones… the list goes on …
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Your Broadband would be the same and there wouldn't be much of a difference in heat and electricity bills.

If it goes to court the settlement will be based on you both ending up with similar disposable incomes after expenses. He's entitled to live in a house that can accommodate the children. You have significantly more assets and they'll be split 50:50 since they are all marital assets. That will include your pension.

Jumbled said:
My house would be an apartment and my utilities and bills substantially smaller. As would my car .
I have had to extend my home by adding an extra room, bathroom refurbished and attic for out for storage. He refused to contribute .
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You hardly expect him to pay for an attic conversion because you have lots of stuff to store do you?
A cheaper car can also be a bit car. The age of the car determines that, not the size.

Jumbled said:
I have bikes and all related school books/ fees/ uniforms/ trips / TY and tours to pay out .
All activities.

Dr/ orthodont/ dental and therapies for specific needs.
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Now that's the stuff that matters. That's what he should be contributing to.
 
Sounds like you’re getting a great deal and don’t realise it.

Why should you get 70% of the family home?

He needs some proper legal advice and go after your pension and part share of your other property like he’s entitled to.

Also don’t get caught up focusing on his holidays and clothes shopping, it’s really none of your business at this point.
 
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