Child maintenance issue

Dairylea

Registered User
Messages
27
Is your (ex) partner engaging with the solicitor? Can you back up everything you're saying about him? How was maintenance being paid? He may very well say that he has no idea what you're talking about and that you suddenly want him out of his property. After all, he is staying there, sleeping there, etc, might have friends that can back up his story, we only have your version of things. Don't get me wrong, i'm not castigating you, just being the devils advocate so to speak. It's a crazy old country out
The problem @Leo is that settlement orders will likely take another 18-24 months & in the meantime the OP & the children need to be safe.

I don't believe taking action now to secure that safety will impinge on the final settlement orders.

I do believe, if the OP does not take action, the impact of the emotional and financial abuse will be huge. If that needs an injunction, then so be it.
Thank you Thirsty. I have sent off an email to my solicitor to raise these questions re locks etc. I have a safety plan in place and have support of a counsellor.
While there has never been any physical violence it has been a controlling one. And it still continues to be. For instance, I have been going out in the anoon while he is here but he has reacted with anger at this and asks where I’m going, who I’m meeting. This is why he will not let me know in advance his plans on seeing his child. Anything not on his terms is met with a consequence. He can be intimidating. It took me a long time to return paperwork to the solicitor out of fear of what I’m about to face. Solicitor in the process of issuing court proceedings re cohabitant redress to keep us in the family home. He has not yet been notified. Ex is in a position to buy a further property and has no mortgage or rent to pay. He is in a very good financial position compared to most but would rather myself and child find a HAP rental. I gave up career so that he could pursue work opportunities around the world.
 

Dairylea

Registered User
Messages
27
@noproblem yes I think I can back it up. All bills were changed from his name to mine after he left. His bank statements etc go to his new address and there would be text conversations between us about him not living here now.
 

Thirsty

Registered User
Messages
3,093
@Pinoy adventure - based on the posts from the OP (and as always that is all we have to go on); there is clear evidence of emotional, psychological and financial abuse.

All abuse gives rise to safety concerns.
 

Thirsty

Registered User
Messages
3,093
@Dairylea - bit of tough love coming up.

You're a year into this process, it's time to start making your own choices.

Don't give him any more headspace; get him out of the house, no more overnights. It's summer, things are opening up again. He can take the child out for trips / walks / days out.

If it was me, I'd change the locks & devil take the hindmost.

You need to get back to work; I know that won't be easy when you've been out for a number of years, but you are smart and educated and you'll succeed.

OPF is still available, at a reduced rate, so part-time hours are quite achieveable.

No one else is going to get you and your children out of this; laws and courts are all fine and well but he can act the maggot for years and you can't be sitting around waiting.
 

noproblem

Registered User
Messages
2,369
@noproblem yes I think I can back it up. All bills were changed from his name to mine after he left. His bank statements etc go to his new address and there would be text conversations between us about him not living here now.
That's good, are you getting maintenance from the other father as well as i'm sure that's also relevant, if not why not?
 

LS400

Registered User
Messages
642
If it was me, I'd change the locks & devil take the hindmost.

I think your advice is wrong.. What your proposing could inflame a situation which is totally unacceptable.

I think you need to realise that, this being a public forum, you are not having a one to one conversation with your mate down the boozer. You don’t know the circumstances and what you might encourage.

The devil may care attitude is always a safe bet when you don’t have to take responsibility for someone else’s actions. Relationships are delicate, and good advice should be as balanced as can be.
Also, when your in a difficult situation, sometimes you only want to hear noise that’s comforting to your needs. Doesn’t mean it’s the right advice.

The fact it’s a public forum, means others in a similar situation who may for one reason or another not ask the question proposed, may think it’s ok to do something as daft as changing locks and-meet trouble head on.

My advice would be, in this situation, talk to a solicitor. End of.
 

Thirsty

Registered User
Messages
3,093
@LS400

1. OP has already instructed a solicitor.

2. Re-read my post.

3. Possible issues have already been pointed out (and with which I agreed).

4. Based on the OPs posts, and on posts from last year; I believe this is an abusive situation and the OPs safety is of concern.

5. OP has been in this position for the last year.

6. At best, getting settlement orders can take 18 months to 2 years; COVID delays are adding anything up to a year to that time frame.
 

Leo

Moderator
Messages
12,517
I don't believe taking action now to secure that safety will impinge on the final settlement orders.

I do believe, if the OP does not take action, the impact of the emotional and financial abuse will be huge. If that needs an injunction, then so be it.
Absolutely, and an injunction is perhaps for the best, the solicitor will advise there.

@Dairylea, don't do anything like changing locks before speaking with your solicitor. Also, ensure you have a good support network around you, you will need friends you can trust and to vent to from time to time. You need to be prepared that the controlling behaviour will continue, so think about ways that you can manage all interactions regarding the children to limit their opportunities to attempt to control you. Discuss this with your solicitor and seek their advice.
 
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