Changing your surname after getting married - why?

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becky

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I work in a large organisation where there is what seems like a wedding a week.

I see a lot of women change their surnames and it I have always wondered why people would to this.

I decided years ago that I would never change mine but am curious to hear why people do it and if they didn't, how they got on.
 
I changed mine when I got married so I'd have the same surname as my husband and kids.
A friend uses her maiden name professionally and married name for everything else because she had built up a career prior to aquiring a hubby.
 
My wife said she would change her name but didn't. The only time she uses my name is when she is talking to someone on my behalf. It doesn't bother me. The kids have my name which is nice.
 
My wife also kept her name, only because she can't stand my family.

I keep telling her she should change her second name to mine but she keeps ignoring me.

I dare say if I forced the issue I'd have to get used to sleeping in the shed.
 
After the kids arrived, I was the odd one out with a different name.. so I eventually conformed! Causes endless confussion in work though.
 
I didn't change my name and it caused a few problems - for other people, not me! My mother couldn't understand it - "do you not love him" :rolleyes: and it took years to get her to stop using my "new" name. A friend who did a lot of my financial stuff decided it would be a nice surprise to have any shares I had put into my "new" name, and then was insulted that I wasn't pleased. Some male friends who knew I wasn't changing my name persisted in calling me "Mrs TreeTiger's husband's name" but I got my own back when they married by calling them by their wives surnames!

Some years ago I was trying to find some people I'd been to school with and it was a pain where women had changed their names on marriage. In this day and age I don't get it.
 
TreeTiger said:
Some male friends who knew I wasn't changing my name persisted in calling me "Mrs TreeTiger's husband's name" but I got my own back when they married by calling them by their wives surnames!

Some years ago I was trying to find some people I'd been to school with and it was a pain where women had changed their names on marriage. In this day and age I don't get it.
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Before I got marreid my wife suggested I take her name since she comes from a famliy of women. I thought about it. I can see who someone would lke to keep their name. A single surname for one person is far better than that doulbe barrell stuff.
 
"I did not take my husbands surname when we got married [11 years ago]. I never even considered it. Just remembering that when we got engaged the FIRST question my father asked me was what was my name going to be - I replied "the same as it always was". He was actually chuffed.
I suppose the main reason I didn't change my name was that I felt I would be losing part of my identity ... I would no longer be known by the name I had been known through my life to that point and people I would meet after I changed my name would never have known me under my original name. That was important to me. Also, throughout my career I have been known by my maiden name and it would have made no sense to change it.
We have two children ... both have their fathers surname ... and to date there has never been an issue. My husband, while he probably would have preferred me to take his name, did not have an issue with me not taking it. I don't mind at all being referred to as Mrs xxxx, and if I am making a hotel or restaurant booking for us I would always make it under his name.
For most of our couple friends ... the wife did change her name.
Shortly after we got engaged met an older lady at a drinks party. the topic came up and she was absolutely shocked when she heard I would not be changing my name. She said "but people might think he wouldn't marry you"! I think attitudes have moved on a bit since then!

Above is what I posted when the topic came up last year ... still stands. We have encountered one issue since where flights were booked for us by friends for a weekend away. My flight was booked in married name ... and my passport is in maiden name. They never thought to ask and we never thought to say. Had to pay for name change.
 
When I married in the early 1981, I kept my maiden name both at work and at home.At that time, it wasn't very common to do this. I like my own name and it was no problem apart from a rather young solicitor who did her best to tell me that I would have to change it. My mother still doesn't understand and needless to say , the mother in law,still writes the birthday card to Mrs. Our children use my husband's name as I really don't like the double barrelled names . I wonder what will happen in the future when the eg. Ryan-Mc Carthy marries the Moloney Murphy.
 
Got married last year and my wife didn't change her name which doesn't bother me (I wouldn't change mine).

She was at a function a few weeks ago sending athletes to the Olympics and was sitting next to a man in his late eighties. When he was introducing my wife to someone he asked her for her surname.

She was surprised as he knew him for years and said what it was. "No your married name" he replied. She said that she had not changed. "Ah good I hate all that rubbish" he replied.

Must have been a form of peer pressure to change your name years ago. Thank God the same form of pressure is not there anymore
 
I am getting married soon and I will be changing my name.
I am quite happy for people to either keep their own names or change them. Its up to the individual.
I like the idea of taking my husbands name, then if we have children that we would all be part of one family unit with the same name. I also have some personal reasons for preferring to leave behind the name of my family of origin.
I questioned himself and he is not bothered whether or not I change it. I cant see it being a formal change though, more something that creeps up with time as I renew things like passport, drivers licence etc..
 
Thats an interesting point made by my2leftfeet about losing your identity. Never thought of it that way, and there is something nice about keeping the name you grew up with.
 
Some ladies are reluctant to change their surname if its a 'nice' surname and their husbands is not so 'nice'. And the opposite is true too, if the ladies dont like their current surname, they will jump at the chance to change to the husband's name.

For example, if she was called Mary Gilhooley and the husband had a surname of O'Reilly or Smurfit etc, she would jump at the chance to change...
whereas is he was Mary O'Reilly and the husband surname was McGillycuddy or McGhee or Crilly....no chance.

Apologies in advance to any Gilhooleys, McGillycuddys, McGhees, Crillys out there....
 
What's wrong with the name 'McGillycuddy'? Or the others mentioned for that matter?:confused:

And no, my name isn't McGillycuddy!:D

I arrived back at work some years ago after getting married to find the firm I was working for had changed my name on the letterhead. Cue some awful shenanigans trying to convince clients I was the same person, seeing if my professional body needed to change my name, colleagues in glee ( Mr.V has an awful 'foreign' name:p).

I never changed my name with the professional body, and left the firm soon after when I reverted, quickly, to my 'real' name.

Still get people saying- are you the same as Vanilla Foreigner...aargh!
 
When I got married my wife wanted to take my surname but I wouldn't let her.

No one should want to give up there name.
 
The_Banker said:
No one should want to give up there name.
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Sure we all come from different angles.

Me - not married - but would only marry for kids anyway - and this would be only reason to change the name - hate the double barrel names - and sadly after 10 odd years his mum thinks longevity in enough to pass the name anyway (god forbid what lengths she'd go to if we had kids!- why marry?????)
Professionally - would have to think very very hard....am known for me not mrs x.

So lets follow ms briann et al...
 
I think changing the name to that of the man sends a not so subtle message that they're not as serious about their careers as the ones with a more independent spirit that keep their names.

It's like putting a sign up saying "get ready for me to have kids and take maternity leave, possibly never to be seen again".
 
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