A very very difficult boss..what shall I do?

Hi Puredrop

I sympathise with your situation, all you can do is your job and hope that she will get tired of being a b***h! She seems to be very childish. I have a similar problem but in this instance I am the office senior and a girl that I hired verbally abused me in front of our members in our office. - A relation of mine lives next door and was partying all night and she saw fit to come in and blow off to me - I was routed to the spot as was everyone else and I told her very calmly that I did not want to hear anymore. I stayed completely professional, spoke to her when I needed to etc. Again like your boss she has personal problems - guy who beats her up - and we get told lies after lies, one minute she is not with him and the next we hear that she is.
To cut a long story short, my boss asked me to meet with her, that the current situation was not working for her!, Told him I would - didn't actually know until after the meeting my boss told me that she told him that I was bullying her but she didn't mention this at the meeting. My boss kept asking her if there was anything else but she didn't say, I think she thought I wouldn't agree to the meeting! It was a tough decision for me but I am a professional and am here to work.
I have since heard from new employees that she has told them that she was bullyed by me - I have said this to my boss but he said that we have to allow for her cause she is MENTALLY UNSTABLE!!
Now I am managing fine, I only speak to her regarding work relating issues and nothing personal at all. She was told not to bring her personal issues into work but with new employees she is filling their head. I am just hoping that it is just a matter of time.
You have to remember that this is your job and it is her that has the issues not you. You are right not to bring anything to your boss just yet and you could end of looking like a trouble maker. So chin up and hopefully what goes around comes around. Take Care
 
Talking to your boss is the first thing you should do. Be careful about the way you word things - don't say "I'm being bullied" instead say " I feel bullied" - no one can argue with how you feel.

Explain how you feel, and that you have done your best and are now not sure what else you can do and that you feel you really need to seek advice regarding employment law. I'd be surprised if your boss doesn't do something when he hears those words.
 
Ok one thing at a time. You are entitled to a lunch break, if the arranged time is 2pm then I suggest that you wait until 2.10pm and then get up and leave and go for your lunch.

When you return there will be trouble but dont back down, insist that you are entitled to your lunch break and you are also entitled to know what time it is at.

The following day repeat the process and keep going until it forces the issue.
 
puretone said:
I made it clear though that I wouldn't want to talk about personal stuff at work with her and I would appreciate vice versa. She brings a lot of family/personal stuff into work and waste my time by talking to me about them (not interested at all) or being on the personal call out loud too long. I just wanted to be cordial and professional at work.
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Talking about family stuff in work would be a normal thing. Certainly a very Irish thing in most offices I would have thought. Were you not coming across as being a bit unfriendly? "not interested at all" . I am not sure what you mean when you say "on the personal call out loud too long".
 
puretone said:
5 Another colleague of mine in a different department is observing her behaviour impartially and says to me she's not doing any favour for herself and she's not being professional at all.
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How did you arrange for this colleague to observe her? How does she do it because I thought that all your offices were distanced from each other?
 
Thanks all for taking time to respond to my post.

Bronco Lane - Yep it is normal to talk about family, hobbies and other personal stuff. I'm more of a listener than a talker and I am friendly enough I believe. It just reached a point where I found it beyond excessive. Just by being in the same office, I got to know what her extended family (her own family, her mother, in-laws, sisters, sisters children, childrens' friends, etc) were up to every day. When she's on the phone with her family/friends, I tend to leave the office (1) for her privacy; 2) distracting) if it lasts more than 15 minutes or so. Well also I got tired of listening to her reporting back to me after those long telephone conversations. The HR consultant adivsed us that we should feel comfortable to say to each other 'Sorry but I am not interested.' and this was one of our bullet points.

I might have come across rather abrupt in my post (saying 'not interested at all), but believe me I've had enough.

Grizzly - She's a head of another department and the one who gets (almost) always cc'ed in my boss's emails. She finds my boss's behaviour very unprofessional that I am not in those emails since I should be the person who's going to have to action on them.
 
Are you allowed listen to music via headphones in work ? This always sorts out any problems I have when I have either loud phone calls or sudden unofficial meetings around my workstation.
 
puretone said:
Grizzly - She's a head of another department and the one who gets (almost) always cc'ed in my boss's emails. She finds my boss's behaviour very unprofessional that I am not in those emails since I should be the person who's going to have to action on them.
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But if you are sharing this tiny office do you need to get an email? Can she not just ask you, considering you are only a few feet away? Does everyone send copies of their emails to everyone else?

Can the head of the other department not speak to your boss about you not receiving her emails?

I don't think that it is good to see you and the head of the other department undermining your boss's behaviour. It looks like a bit of spying, bitching and backbiting going on. Not good.
 
From reading one of your earlier posts I thought that this was the problem?

"Unfortunately, the head office has imposed a group-wide salary/bonus freeze in year 2009, meaning my qualification didn't make a single difference on my salary. I wasn't happy at all so I spoke to my big boss. He was very apologetic and sympathetic but he told me firmly that he couldn't do anything about it for now as this was across the board. He said he would try at every board meeting but he couldn't guarantee when he could give me a pay rise. He said I deserved one and he wanted to give a nice one in March 09.

Since then my scope of work has grown a lot and so have my responsibilities. It was exciting initially but I began to resent it all. With the thought of not getting what I deserve in mind, I was unable to motivate my self. My direct boss is now teaching me how to do some regulatory returns she used to do, instead of getting the buzz from learning something new, I am becoming very bitter and angry and it is upsetting me".

I see that the boss you are complaining about was teaching you something new. Maybe she sensed your bitterness and attitude to your job and has given up on you because she has tried everything with you.

The more I read the more I think that this is just a case of "me, me, me".
 
This will be my last post regarding this issue. I'm focusing on what I think is the best for me and the situation.

Grizzly - It's your judgement call. However, I do not think that's a bitching or backstabbing if that is one of few ways to find out whether she's coming in to work today or has taken a day off tomorrow or what doc I would be needing to prepare in the afternoon. It's informative and facilitating work-wise.

Parklane - When I posted that article a while back, I felt quite bitter and angry I had to admit. I was particularily in bad state at that point - that's why I probably posted it and I felt emotional. Anyway after reading all the posts and much consideration, I decided to stay on with the company and kept up positively. I showed more enthusiasm and eager in all tasks given.

Patience paid off. I got a handsome payrise this March and I was told by my big boss at an individual pay review meeting that he made a case for me to the head office, though the pay freeze was still on at the manager level. I was happy and grateful for his input. When my boss found out about it, she didn't sound happy and demanded what I discussed with my big boss at the meeting. She got angry when I kept it brief.

All I can say is that those problems (excluding me in the emails, too much personal talks, lashing out at me for something trivial, telling me to consider moving on, etc) already existed at that time I posted or even well before. It carried on building up gradually and I couldn't take it any more. Enough was enough.

In a starnge way, I find the current situation rather liberating that I don't have to pretend to be buddy-buddy with her. I hope she accepts our new working relationship at some point in the future. Till then I will keep being cordial and professional to her.
 
SlurrySlump said:
I think that the above sentence sums the situation up in many ways.

Recent posts getting to close to the bone?
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Unfortunately as with a lot of bullying threads the writer has a very one-sided view of what has been happening and I think that Parklane may have a point. I am surprised that despite OP's 'professional' behavior and good work ethic etc that she would instruct somebody else to monitor this persons activities. Sounds to me like getting the office on side and getting people to back you up. If the person involved needs to be monitored then somebody (independent) should be instructed by your overall boss who reports back only to your boss - i.e not to you!. Maybe this person is bullying you but you need to take a step back and look at your own behavior and how this could be construed!
 
puretone said:
The colleague also mentioned that my boss seems threatened by me as I have now reached a point where I can do all daily work perfectly without her involvement, much better than her (it's her words, not mine).
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You were employed to bring certain skills to the office. Your boss has her own set of skills that may or may not be similar to your own. Maybe she is good with clients you might be good with computers.

At the end of the day she is your boss with presumably a lot more experience than you have. Haven't you only recently got your exams?. How can you say that you can now do her job better than she can?

You keep referring to the fact that you used to work for one of the big 4 accountancy firms. What experience have you head working in a smaller office environment. Did you come to this job with an attitude?

Finally, when working for one of the big 4 did they help you financially toward your studies, offer you study time off etc?
 
I don't see that at all, I take the OPs comments in good faith. If you are doing your best to be professional and cordial with someone in the office and don't want to listen to their personal life stories well I can certainly commiserate with that. And the lunchtime thing if you just take the facts on that is unreasonable.
 
puretone said:
I just wanted to be cordial and professional at work.
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Yet on the 21st May you made long and detailed posts at the following times.

12.56 p.m. 1.28p.m. 2.05p.m. 2.15p.m 2.52p.m. 3.22p.m. 3.36p.m 4.30 p.m. 4.41p.m

Let me guess. You weren't at work that day?
 
Sorry to read your story. This is still an all to common situation in the work place in Ireland. I have been involved in a couple of cases like this in the past with friends and personally. I can't add much to what has been said above but I just wanted to commend you on raising the issue at work and seeking soloutions. that will stand to you in any future developments. Good luck with this.
 
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