41, not sure what to do. Cash rich, time poor.

[ClubMan]

There is no other way to get an AVC in the HSE as far as I'm aware.

No other way than what? You can shop around for the best deal on charges for your AVC. You can very likely do better than the offer that you detail above.

 

[Mayo1969]

There is no other way to get an AVC in the HSE as far as I'm aware. Investment is a different matter, yes.

Actually there is no prohibition whatsoever in retaining an independent financial consultant to set up (or transfer existing funds to) an AVC for you within the public service (including the HSE). What IPF depend on (apart from being, along with Cornmarket, the nominated agent for a good deal of the public sector) as their USP is that they are the only one's than can offer seamless salary deductions for your AVC contributions. However, as I discovered myself, a good independent financial advisor can sort everything just as easily for you, including sorting your AVC credits with Revenue for generally much lower AMC and possibly better returns.

Incidently, returning again to your unending delay in getting a reply from pensions section (I'm still waiting for a reply from the department of education for my wife almost 18 months and counting now!), just wondering have you tried inputting your details into the public sector pensions modeller https://www.publicservicepensions.gov.ie/en as a starting point?

 

[Throwaway555]

Regarding the AVC fees -

"
Charges:

• Annual Management Charge: 0.75% per annum
• Allocation rate: Year 1 + Top ups to premium: €411 net per fortnight = €535 allocated into AVC (78%)

Year 2 onwards: €411 net per fortnight = €658 allocated into AVC (96%)

• The lower allocation in Year 1 of the policy covers your set up costs and your ongoing financial advice and consultations with IPF both during your career and your retirement if required.

"

Given how life is, I'm going ahead with this for now and maybe switch later. 78% year 1 isn't great, and the 96% would preferably be 100% later on, but if I start stalling and looking now it'll be a month before I get it all sorted.

I have one parent with vertigo this morning, taking him to the doctors later and doing all the shopping for them on the way home as well as a pharmacy run. The other parent had nightmares about nursing homes and the future last night and barely slept. On my day off too...

And work phoned me to do something for them that has to be done today.

 

[GSheehy]

You're buying an AVC. This is an Occupational Pension product.

If the value of this goes over €10,000 you cannot (currently) transfer it to an AVC PRSA without the costs of a Certificate of Benefits Comparison. I've no idea why these brokers sell these AVCs (with zero commission disclosure requirements) and not PRSA AVCs (that have commission disclosure requirements). Perhaps it's a play for the future when the CoBC requirement goes and they go back to clients and then sell AVC PRSAs to get paid again.

On the investment, of you don't get it right now (on costs), under current tax regime, you might find it difficult to change to a lower costs product because of early exit charges and consolidating losses/gains under LAET rules.

In summary, just do it right now and you'll not have something else to worry about in years ahead.

 

[Protocol]

There is no other way to get an AVC in the HSE as far as I'm aware.

This is false.

Employees are free to use any broker to buy an AVC.

This is one reason why IPF get away with charging such high fees.

You will pay €684 each year in 4% entry fees that could be avoided.

 

[Throwaway555]

Just as a quick update to my "other issues".

Two events come to mind.

My mum comes out with "I'm not leaving this house - they'll have to drag me out"
My dad was quite dizzy one morning and so my plans evaporated - did a home Epley manoeuvre and I took him to the doctors. All was fine, but she came out with "I was having nightmares last night about the future and being put into a nursing home - it would be the end of me. I'd just stop eating. I couldn't take it". The fact that she said that to me on that day is telling.

I've had some advice to contact the district nurse and parkinsons nurses both on here and recently via a colleague. I'm going to do that anonymously as stepping on their toes would be a bad idea.

My dad is fine, but obviously struggling with all of this big time. He's nearly 80 - and just can't cope with this demanding, self centered old lady. He is really going above and beyond to the point of sacrificing his health. Take the example of her needing not one, but two hot water bottles filled every night. One goes on her feet and the sheets must be tucked in in a particular way. She refuses an electric blanket. If he doesn't do the hot water bottle correctly, a sharp end of the tongue comes his way. She won't accept responsibility for anything and is getting quite selfish. She is deteriorating, and is having really bad daytime sleepiness and then insomnia at night. Won't do anything about it or fight it.

They had a massive row the other day - he mowed the cowslips out the back that we were looking after. She went ballistic with him - he was having none of it and they argued and argued - him eventually calling her a "dreadful patient" and blaming everything on her. She was having absolutely none of it and called him extremely selfish when she's the one sick. They are talking again but a little more distant.

As it stands, if my dad had a stroke and died tomorrow I'm utterly screwed. I simply wouldn't be able to go back to work because I simply couldn't leave her alone in the house for 13 hours a day. For an hour or two of care even, there'd be waiting lists and isn't there about 2,000 people on nursing home waiting lists in Munster literally waiting for residents to die? And she wouldn't go anyway. My understanding is that its just tough luck if you have no siblings and one parent left that requires full time care and that parent just won't cooperate. You have to give up job/relationships/etc because you just simply have to care for them.

The house is intact but DIY is rarer now due to his age. I don't have time. The garden is beginning to grow again after the winter and its going to be an unmanagable jungle fairly soon. He wants my help demolishing a shed and laying concrete foundations for a new one.

Relationship wise thing are going ok with my girlfriend at the moment. There does seem to be a bit of a understanding that she can't move in with us and we just continue the status-quo of living seperately for now. If we did move in together I'd be dragged back home constantly. She is very understanding - but its not all 100% roses as although she is perfectly healthy I am pretty much caring for her in ways... food and drink made from scratch for her when I'm dying in the evening after a run, huge amounts of help given to get her a new car, me solely in charge of holiday booking, etc. She wouldn't/couldn't do any of those things herself. I'm not sure would I get the same in return even though she clearly loves me and relies on me. The mess in her house - not just from her cats - is really concerning still. The place is a pit... not horder level but very messy and borderline unhygienic. You could argue that a good partner would help her get over that - but I do enough caring already. Yet we get along so well. It a tough situation in some ways but given what she's been through - partner suicide, a few health problems years ago, it would utterly break her if I left. I'm not thinking of that so don't worry - but in the back of my mind she's a great girlfriend but would she be a great wife?

Anyway - we soldier on and I'll keep updating here.

 

[ClubMan]

This seems to have pivoted from a Money Makeover to something else completely... I'm not sure that Askaboutmoney is the best place to seek advice on most of the issues in the post above.

 

[Bronte]

Anyway - we soldier on and I'll keep updating here.

What you've described is not soldiering on it's barely existing. You don't seem to listen to any advice. Including financial advice.

You don't actually have to live with your parents and since you choose to do so you should be deciding what would help. No way would I be discussing this with the parents. In return for your caring for them you get to decide on how you want to live.

Getting a gardener/local lad to cut the grass is a no brainer. And if you don't do that, don't cut it, let it wild. Can't understand how you haven't hired a cleaner. There's plenty of money there. Which your parents should fund. Your future is clear to me and it's not looking good. But you'll be loaded, lonely and sad in a house falling to pieces.

As for the girlfriend. Wow. Literally walking right back into being a carer for ever. There's only one person can sort this out. The mess you are in. That would be you. Ironically you have the money to do it.

( I don't apologise for tough advice, there is no point beating about the bush, this is an existence, not a life)

 

[Persia]

Relationship wise thing are going ok with my girlfriend at the moment.

Errr no they're not.

The mess in her house - not just from her cats - is really concerning still.

The place is a pit...

huge amounts of help given to get her a new car,

She wouldn't/couldn't do any of those things herself. I'm not sure would I get the same in return

 

[Evie1962]

I don’t know who’s worse, your mother or your girlfriend, or why you’re not laying down the law with your mother and her care. I can guarantee she wouldn’t be starving herself in a nursing home.
You’ve saddled yourself with two selfish women. Look after yourself in the first instance.

 

[Winkie]

Anyway - we soldier on and I'll keep updating here

So.
Nearly qualified psychotherapist here. Not offering clinical advice but a personal observation.
Fear Obligation and Guilt are at play here.
People pleasing in the extreme is evident.
A CHOICE to martyr yourself vs stating your own needs.
A choice of relationship and partner that most echoes your dysfunctional primary relationship with your parents
A deeply enmeshed family system.

You need to work out who you are and what subconscious needs are being met by you staying in and actively managing these two relationships?

In a way it sounds like you never completed the process of individuation.

When you work out that you will realise that you do actually have choice. The world will not collapse if you do not help your parents. And you cannot rescue your girlfriend from the codependent life she looks like she needs.

You should be first.

 

[Bagman]

A CHOICE to martyr yourself vs stating your own needs.

Absolutely. Choosing to change nothing is still a choice.

 

[Lone Star]

Solely in relation to your parents, use their money to pay for their garden and on them, treats, lunches, private care, for my parents (mostly for my Mum) we had the garden made over and planted for her to enjoy when prior to and then when my Dad passed away. The house was painted, nice and comfy clothes for mum at her varying stages, hot meal each day from local restaurant, sunday meal out, private social carers (just to come and sit/chat/have tea/trips out/trips to dentist etc), as much oil in the tank as needed to keep the house roasty toasty (we used to melt, but she needed her balmy temperatures from her AGA. I didn't look at it as my money and didn't really care what was left. Sad she is gone now, but zero regrets in that her money was spent on her...food for thought...

 

[_OkGo_]

Just as a quick update to my "other issues".
......
......
Anyway - we soldier on and I'll keep updating here.

Honestly, I think you need to stop updating here. You are using the anonymity of posting to avoid dealing with any of your own problems. There is nothing remotely financial about the advice you need to follow

You are blaming everyone else for your own problems but doing nothing about it. You are not a child, you are in your 40's.

Fear Obligation and Guilt are at play here.
People pleasing in the extreme is evident.
A CHOICE to martyr yourself vs stating your own needs.
A choice of relationship and partner that most echoes your dysfunctional primary relationship with your parents
A deeply enmeshed family system.

@Winkie has nailed it on the head with this

You are choosing not to act, for whatever reason we don't know. It has nothing to do with your parents.

It should all be very simple:
1. Move out, set a date in 1 month, take a short term lease anywhere.
2. Your parents have more than enough cash to support their own needs, let them do it
3. End it with your girlfriend or commit to it, floating along does nobody any favours
4. Do not move back in with your parents
5. Stop making excuses for literally every option available to you

You have a very odd relationship with your mother, will never be independant unless you stand up to her and call her bluff.

But you are not going to do any of those things...

 

[faketales]

You are not a child, you are in your 40's.

Referring to his parents home as the family home in the first post was a red flag for me on his thinking.

I agree with your post.