What besides toilet paper would you bring to a desert island?

"A Titleist Pro V1 golf ball and a sand wedge."

reminded me of an oldie, but a goodie. (Better in oral telling):

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Ten years ," replies the stunned man.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks,

"And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet This post will be deleted if not edited immediately!

Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"
 
Ah sure you could just leave me there with the 'Bounty' girl, crabs and all. Eventually I'd find time to use the rod (the fishing one that is!) and we'd life happily ever after!

Don't tell my wife though. Just she looks better in a bikini is no reason for following me around telling me off! :p
 
Just thought I'd send ye a progress report on my first day on S.L.F.'s island.

When I arrived, I couldn't find the copy of Dublin's Greatest Sporting Achievements which S.L.F. said he'd leave for me. I wonder why? He probably knows I don't read fiction, anyway. ;) Wasn't I delighted that I'd smuggled in copies of the Evening Echo and the Southern Star when S.L.F. wasn't monitoring the situation. :)

The shaft of the sand wedge was beyond repair (after S.L.F.'s buddy had "accidently" broken it but I found Ancutza's fishing rod and it doubled very well as a new shaft. A bit whippy at first but fine now that I'm used to it. (And Anctuza, I'm delighted you're not a Dub like S.L.F! You've gone away up in my estimation. ;))

Not having a golf ball isn't a problem either. I stumbled upon a large pile of hardened droppings of the rare Roundy Poundy Bird (a Pacific Island bird, famous for the perfect roundness of its aforementioned droppings), and I was away for slate. The balls perform more like Dunlop titaniums than Pro V1's, however, and would definitely be more suited to putting on slow greens!

As S.L.F. had promised, the basic necessities are here but, what he didn't tell me is that, because I'm the only person on the Island, everything comes from vending machines. And I can't get over the prices! Mars bars €4! Taytos €3! Cans of Beamish €7.50! Crab meat flavoured Bounty Bars €6! Where is Smashbox when I need her?

No sign of MOB's woman yet (with the rest of the golf clubs :D) and I'm continuing to look for Caveat's guitar. I'm having problems trying to nod off tonight and, if I could find the guitar, maybe I could sing myself to sleep.

The reason I can't sleep is that my conscience is picking me because.......well......I think this might be cheating.......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBzVroza2co .......................................
 
Rule number 1 of being stranded on a desert Island is that you have, at the very least, a football called Wilson . . . Tom Hanks thought me that . . .
 
Cans of Beamish €7.50!

Wow, stuck on a desert Island with only that Guinness knock-off rubbish to drink!

BTW, if you can't sleep just read your book on Cork sporting achievements; all that moaning about how hard done by "ye" all are and how it's all the fault of Dublin people would put anyone to sleep. ;) :p
 
Just thought I'd send ye a progress report on my first day on S.L.F.'s island.

When I arrived, I couldn't find the copy of Dublin's Greatest Sporting Achievements which S.L.F. said he'd leave for me. I wonder why? He probably knows I don't read fiction, anyway. ;) Wasn't I delighted that I'd smuggled in copies of the Evening Echo and the Southern Star when S.L.F. wasn't monitoring the situation. :)

The shaft of the sand wedge was beyond repair (after S.L.F.'s buddy had "accidently" broken it but I found Ancutza's fishing rod and it doubled very well as a new shaft. A bit whippy at first but fine now that I'm used to it. (And Anctuza, I'm delighted you're not a Dub like S.L.F! You've gone away up in my estimation. ;))

Not having a golf ball isn't a problem either. I stumbled upon a large pile of hardened droppings of the rare Roundy Poundy Bird (a Pacific Island bird, famous for the perfect roundness of its aforementioned droppings), and I was away for slate. The balls perform more like Dunlop titaniums than Pro V1's, however, and would definitely be more suited to putting on slow greens!

As S.L.F. had promised, the basic necessities are here but, what he didn't tell me is that, because I'm the only person on the Island, everything comes from vending machines. And I can't get over the prices! Mars bars €4! Taytos €3! Cans of Beamish €7.50! Crab meat flavoured Bounty Bars €6! Where is Smashbox when I need her?

No sign of MOB's woman yet (with the rest of the golf clubs :D) and I'm continuing to look for Caveat's guitar. I'm having problems trying to nod off tonight and, if I could find the guitar, maybe I could sing myself to sleep.

The reason I can't sleep is that my conscience is picking me because.......well......I think this might be cheating.......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBzVroza2co .......................................

The reason you can't find anything is because you are on the wrong end of the island.

The contents of those vending machines are all out of date by 20 years.

That woman has come to the right end of the island.

Since you don't have any toilet paper thank god you have the newspapers eh!

When the red ants come out the best thing to do is jump in the sea and hope the sharks aren't around.

All is not lost I have a man who is utterly dependable he knows how to get to the south end of the island and he is the only man who has ever survived the trip, he will go throught old hidden tunnels and through the old snake pits.

He will get you to the right side of the island you can depend on that.

As soon as I see him he'll be put straight on it.

He should be back from his holidays in about 4 weeks.:cool:
 
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