Storyboarding

O

Orga

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I was wondering if anyone would have an interest in storyboarding: where the AAM posters add to a story, each poster adding a small piece, giving the story it's own unique flavour. You can add a sentence, a paragraph, a chapter, the story goes where you take it. So, let's give it a go - I;ll try a generic start below.

James Alderton was a singularly unimpressive man: average height, average build, average intelligence. He lived in an average house and enjoyed a very average lifestyle. In every way he was Mr Average, every way but one. For James Alderton had a secret, a secret that not even he knew that he held.

It was yellow-sunny Monday morning. Alice was in the office early.
 
Alice finished her runny fried egg sandwich at her desk. The reason she had decided to have a runny egg sandwich was because it was a yellow-sunny morning. she noticed that the egg had dripped onto the important presentation she was preparing for her boss, the hateful Mr. Hatton. She watching the congealing egg in horror adn wondered should she just lick it offf. It would be a shame to waste it on this yellow-sunny morning.
 
Screw it she thought, I'm not having my moring ruined by Hatton, and she lifted the sandwich to her mouth. Just then the phone rang. Dammit.

A soft deliberate voice.

"Where the hell are you".

Alice recognised the voice.
 
It was her mother. Her was voice was always soft but her words were always harsh. "I have a pain", she said.
 
"Where is the pain," asked an alarmed Alice, not noticing the runny fried egg was now dripping down her chin.

"In me This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language," said her mother, "I don't know if it's piles or what, but I feel like I've a sledgehammer stuck up there."

By now Alice was regretting putting her mother on speaker phone in the open-plan office, but she really had no choice, she needed two hands around that runny fried egg sandwich.
 
Now Mother relax. If you go into my part of the bathroom cabinet, you'll find some Preparation H right next to the tube of Denturefix. By the way, you asked me to remind you to collect your glasses from the Optician. See you later.
 
James Alderton heard a scream from next door. Dragging himself away from his search to find the secret that he didn't even know he had, he rushed out, jumped one-legged over the fence (he only had one-leg he realised, perhaps that was the secret?) and ran into Mrs Infeckshun's kitchen to find her kneeling on the floor, bared buttocks in the air, weeping uncontrollably. "What happened?" he asked, breathlessly
 
"What do you think?" she spluttered. "That cad Mr Hatton of course"

"Hatton eh?" James muttered, his eyes narrowing, his lips pursing, his fingers gently caressing his moisturised chin, his stomach ever so slightly churning and the beige lino of Mrs Infeckshun's kitchen floor slightly tacky underfoot.
 
Suddenly he realised that the reason the floor was tacky was that the myopic Mrs. Infeckshun had used Denturefix instead of Preparation H on her piles. She was obviously deluded about Hatton.

Mind you, Alderton mused, the daughter could very well have planned this "accident" with Hatton, in revenge for her mother calling her A Lice Infeckshun, which made life at school hellish.

Alderton surveyed the wobbling white orbs before him, debating with himself whether to call the doctor or the dentist......
 
.......before the decision was taken out of his hands by the arrival of Mr Longshanks - the local Guard.

"A neighbour reported a domestic disturbance, said she could hear screaming and thrashing about" said Mr Longshanks. He seemed oblivious to Mrs Infeckshun's bare bottom which was now bathed in harsh yellow sunlight through the open kitchen door.

"What seems to be the problem?" he queried, strangely calm under the odd circumstances.

"My bum, my bum!!!" cried Mrs Infeckshun.

Alderton opened his mouth and said:
 
"Right so" says Mr Longshanks, pulling on a pair of slim latex gloves.

Mrs Infeckshun looked up in horror from her pronated position on the floor. Mr Longshanks proceeded towards her and then swerved and began to brush the fingerprint powder on the frame of the door.
 
Meanwhile, back in the office, Alice was feeling a little guilty about what she hd manipulated her mother into doing. If only she hadn't listened to Mr. Patton when he suggested it.

If only she had told her mother the truth about him and what had happened to his wife all those years ago....
 
She picked up the phone, determined to set the record straight once and for all. She was shocked when it was answered by a male voice.
 
Horrified, she thought her mother had died in the little "accident" she had arranged as she was sure she had speed-dialled her mother's number.

"Can I speak to my mother please?"
 
"Speaking".

Odd she thought. My mother has an unusually low growl but this voice is a bit too manly. Even for her.

The voice continued.

"OK ok so I'm not your mother, well, not the mother you grew up with, but I am your mother. Your birth mother. Well at least I was a mother before surgery. I suppose I'm your daddy now".
 
Back at her mothers house Mr Longshanks winked at Mrs Infeckshun and Alderton and whispered "I studied a bit of psychology in Templemore - this is to break the Oedipal Complex" before returning to the phone and saying "I know we have never met but....."
 
I'm kinda lonely cos no one wants to date a guard with two bad knees and a haitus hernia."

The sudden concusive shock wake of what sounded like a horrific explosion ripped through the kitchen.
 
Too many dammed guinness last night thought Mr Longshanks before coughing loudly and throwing a knowing glance at the dog. The dog slunk into the corner. It had been blamed before and knew full well the consequences.

"What was that noise?" asked Alice wondering if the hiatus hernia would cause problems. Bad knees were one thing but a hernia?
 
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