Peter Kaye joke
- Thread starter ClubMan
- Start date
No - Peter Kaye is a mate of mine and he owns the joke.
Can't beat Bill Bailey's homage to Chaucer:
Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas two for the price of one.
Youtube link
Transcript link
Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas two for the price of one.
Youtube link
Transcript link
Happy Girl
Registered User
- Messages
- 793
Worth reading through them!
[broken link removed]
[broken link removed]
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."
Dave Vanian
Registered User
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- 1,255
What do you call a man with a shovel?
Doug
What do you call a man with no shovel?
Douglas
Doug
What do you call a man with no shovel?
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elefantfresh
Registered User
- Messages
- 450
Bob!
No - Bob.
elefantfresh
Registered User
- Messages
- 450
Did you hear about the Spanish fireman whos wife had twins?
Hose A and Hose B.
Argggh! That ones terrible. Sorry!
Hose A and Hose B.
Argggh! That ones terrible. Sorry!
dicey_reilly
Registered User
- Messages
- 58
Peter Kay Questions :
1 Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries are flat?
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient
funds" when they know there is not enough?
3 Why does someone believe you when you say
there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5 Why do they use sterilized needles for death
by lethal injection?
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his
chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word
"lisp"?
10 What is the speed of darkness?
11 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you
pack it?
13 If the temperature is zero outside today
and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there
still apes?
15 If it's true that we are here to help
others, what are the others doing here?
16 Do married people live longer than single
ones or does it only seem longer?
17 If someone with a split personality
threatens to commitsuicide, is it a hostage situation?
18 Can you cry under water?
19 What level of importance must a person have
before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do
banks have branches?
21 Why does a round pizza come in a square
box?
22 How is it that we put man on the moon
before we figured out it would be a good idea to
put wheels on bigger suitcases
?
23 Why is it that people say they "slept like
a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it
still called a hearing?
25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings
and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip,
leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? .....
They're still going to see you naked anyway.
1 Why do we press harder on a remote control
when we know the batteries are flat?
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient
funds" when they know there is not enough?
3 Why does someone believe you when you say
there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5 Why do they use sterilized needles for death
by lethal injection?
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his
chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word
"lisp"?
10 What is the speed of darkness?
11 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you
pack it?
13 If the temperature is zero outside today
and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there
still apes?
15 If it's true that we are here to help
others, what are the others doing here?
16 Do married people live longer than single
ones or does it only seem longer?
17 If someone with a split personality
threatens to commitsuicide, is it a hostage situation?
18 Can you cry under water?
19 What level of importance must a person have
before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do
banks have branches?
21 Why does a round pizza come in a square
box?
22 How is it that we put man on the moon
before we figured out it would be a good idea to
put wheels on bigger suitcases
?
23 Why is it that people say they "slept like
a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it
still called a hearing?
25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings
and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip,
leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? .....
They're still going to see you naked anyway.