I am a person! "Mr and Mrs John Smith" & why not "Mr and Mrs Jane Smith"
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Re: I am a person!
This drives me round the bend too. I think banks, insurance companies etc have a policy of putting the male name first, this despite the fact that I fill out every form and put my name first and deal with all issues. Revenue have also done it to us as they deal with us through his name (joint assessment) despite the fact that I do the accounts and sign the returns.
At least in Ireland you have Ms instead of Mrs or Miss if you want. Where I am now I've received correspondance as Mrs Brown Smith with both our surnames but I put that down to them not always knowing forenames from surnames.
Mathpac, do you really think a letter of complaint would work, it would go into the pile called 'to do in 2 years time' when the new girl or boy takes over and consequently gets dumped in the annual clean out.
Got a letter yesterday from Halifax about an old credit card account I used to have- they overcharged interest apparently and wanted us to contact them to pay it back to us. The account was in our joint names- in fact I was the one who applied for it originally, and the one who subsequently closed it as I deal with all paperwork and finances in our house. But somehow the letter is made out to my husband in his sole name ( of course once opened it was handed to me immediately for me to deal with) and when I rang up they wouldn't talk to me- despite the fact that it was a joint account- insisted they would only talk to my husband as I was 'the second named account holder'. Give me patience.
This drives me round the bend too. I think banks, insurance companies etc have a policy of putting the male name first, this despite the fact that I fill out every form and put my name first and deal with all issues. Revenue have also done it to us as they deal with us through his name (joint assessment) despite the fact that I do the accounts and sign the returns.
At least in Ireland you have Ms instead of Mrs or Miss if you want. Where I am now I've received correspondance as Mrs Brown Smith with both our surnames but I put that down to them not always knowing forenames from surnames.
Mathpac, do you really think a letter of complaint would work, it would go into the pile called 'to do in 2 years time' when the new girl or boy takes over and consequently gets dumped in the annual clean out.
WaterSprite
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Re: I am a person!
I would also address someone as they wished. I just think it's mad. I would also, at a push, manage to keep my sentiments to myself.
I would also address someone as they wished. I just think it's mad. I would also, at a push, manage to keep my sentiments to myself.
Re: I am a person!
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I think its safe to assume that financial institutions, utility companies, service providers who have the mythical "Mr & Mrs John Smith" as their customers have a contract somewhere that details who in fact their legal agreement is with; invite them to look it up so they can address written communications properly, otherwise send them back marked "Unknown at this address".
I never suggested a letter of complaint. What I suggested was
Letters to the Complaints Department IME go in the circular file while letters to the Political Correctness / Renewable Energy / Hair Shirt / Tree Hugging sections get immediate action. (I believe Mr. Gormless's offficials issued a directive while we were drowing in rain-water, snow and ice
)I think its safe to assume that financial institutions, utility companies, service providers who have the mythical "Mr & Mrs John Smith" as their customers have a contract somewhere that details who in fact their legal agreement is with; invite them to look it up so they can address written communications properly, otherwise send them back marked "Unknown at this address".
greenfield
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Re: I am a person!
Once met a man who introduced me to the couple beside him as "my brother in law and his wife". The woman was actually his sister...
Once met a man who introduced me to the couple beside him as "my brother in law and his wife". The woman was actually his sister...
Re: I am a person!
The Mrs John Smith thing drives me daft as well (my husband thinks it's hilarious).
However I find the biggest culprits are women my own age (30's)- who use this form when addressing wedding invitations and Christmas cards. I do excuse my 85 year old grandfather-in-law when he does it.
Recently I was filling in a form for the Drugs Payment Scheme. The pharmacist asked if I was the only member of my household - I replied that I was married. She told me to put my husband's name first on the form, as the "head of the household" was to be the first name. She tried to argue with me, when I told her that I was the head of the household and entered my name on the first line. (My little blow for feminism and also on a practical note, I'm the one who requires the expensive drugs).
The Mrs John Smith thing drives me daft as well (my husband thinks it's hilarious).
However I find the biggest culprits are women my own age (30's)- who use this form when addressing wedding invitations and Christmas cards. I do excuse my 85 year old grandfather-in-law when he does it.
Recently I was filling in a form for the Drugs Payment Scheme. The pharmacist asked if I was the only member of my household - I replied that I was married. She told me to put my husband's name first on the form, as the "head of the household" was to be the first name. She tried to argue with me, when I told her that I was the head of the household and entered my name on the first line. (My little blow for feminism and also on a practical note, I'm the one who requires the expensive drugs).
truthseeker
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Re: I am a person!
What does this mean?? Head of the household - does it mean the person in charge, the person who owns the household including spouse and children? It always annoys me. My household has no head - or a joint head - but not just one head.
What does this mean?? Head of the household - does it mean the person in charge, the person who owns the household including spouse and children? It always annoys me. My household has no head - or a joint head - but not just one head.
Re: I am a person!
LOL. While I echo the sentiment I usually deny vehemently being the 'head of the house hold' in any pertinent situation. I always say my husband is, hoping that he might have to deal with any red tape/cold callers or whatever. I'm pretty sure he puts me down though...
LOL. While I echo the sentiment I usually deny vehemently being the 'head of the house hold' in any pertinent situation. I always say my husband is, hoping that he might have to deal with any red tape/cold callers or whatever. I'm pretty sure he puts me down though...
Re: I am a person!
You better hope your husband doesn't read that or he'll cut your allowance!
You better hope your husband doesn't read that or he'll cut your allowance!
Re: I am a person!
My sister got married last year and before it, I mentioned that it was not law to take husbands name, just custom.
She was highly offended, wanted it to be seen as a symbol of their unity etc and wouldn't speak to me for 6 weeks.
The only other time I see "head of household" referred to is in filling out the census form.
My sister got married last year and before it, I mentioned that it was not law to take husbands name, just custom.
She was highly offended, wanted it to be seen as a symbol of their unity etc and wouldn't speak to me for 6 weeks.
The only other time I see "head of household" referred to is in filling out the census form.
Re: I am a person!
It's early days, give her a year or two.My sister got married last year and before it, I mentioned that it was not law to take husbands name, just custom.
She was highly offended, wanted it to be seen as a symbol of their unity etc and wouldn't speak to me for 6 weeks.
.
I'd like to add a conciliatory muttering as Mathepac put it . . . . .I decided to change my maiden name after we were married which, sounds silly but was a big deal for me to let go of the name I had happily lived my whole life with, like that person doesn't exist anymore because I am now married. . .anyway I decided to change it for ease of communication with the creche etc. Just as I was sitting at home doing this, the post arrived, I picked it up and it was addressed to Mrs husband's christian name+surname. So without even informing anyone I had lost my first name as well as my surname!. I guess it doesn't really matter or have any bearing on anything but I would have been the last person to think that I would even give it a second thought. Humour aside, your name is a big part of your identity.. . . you don't know till it happens to you how you will react.
What about when the husband jumps the gun and books the honeymoon tickets in his surname only? Once she saw the tickets, it took his wife-to-be about 5 seconds to realise she didn't have a passport in that name and wouldn't have one by the time she left for her honeymoon.
Happened to my cousin who was not best pleased. Neither was her future husband who then had to fork out to change the name back. Served him right.
Happened to my cousin who was not best pleased. Neither was her future husband who then had to fork out to change the name back. Served him right.
@thedaras
Well she's right, in terms of introductions - 'May I present (or less formally 'This is..') my sister-in-law, Jane O'Dara' - is the correct form.
Of course if she says 'This is my sister-in-law' with no name given that's just socially inept; then all you can do is offer your right hand to the other person say "Hello, I'm Jane O'Dara, Joan's sister-in-law'.
Well she's right, in terms of introductions - 'May I present (or less formally 'This is..') my sister-in-law, Jane O'Dara' - is the correct form.
Of course if she says 'This is my sister-in-law' with no name given that's just socially inept; then all you can do is offer your right hand to the other person say "Hello, I'm Jane O'Dara, Joan's sister-in-law'.
truthseeker
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I have a number of female friends who feel the same as you, they feel their identity is intrinsically tied up with their name and dont want to change to their married name.
I never felt that way, it doesnt really matter to me what people call me so long as I know they are referencing me, and I know they mean me whether they use my married name or maiden name.
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;