being nice gets you nowhere

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Blossy

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Hi all, i feel like a good auld rant, i have noticed over the past while that being nice and helpful gets you nowhere in this world.
i recently purchased a house and the builders used it as a look out post and basically abused the house, they blocked the toilet and have been onto them to repair it with no success.
my car bumped off another car teh other day, didnt cause much damaged to mine as i said i didnt smash into her, i helped as much as i could on the day , she has a dent on her door and now she going to a chiropractor today, i actually couldnt have been any nicer to the girl!! she said she was fine etc on the day but prob got talking to other people when she went home, ps i didnt hit her side. my seatbelt didnt even tighten.
i have plenty of friends who have affairs, cheat and treat thier partners with little respect or have done in the past and now are all settling down and being happy.
my ex was very abusive and he just seems to get everything in life handed to him on a plate.

am not feeling sorry for myself, just feel does being a nasty piece of work, and only looking out for yourself really get you further in life. Am really feeling that the world is full of selfish people and if u nice u will just get trampled on these days. i have a little boy and everyday i tell him to respect other people dont be nasty or hurtful and if someone hits him out playing to walk away and be the bigger person? am i just feeding him a load of bull and he will be walked on???? arrrgggg i needed that :D
 
It can be difficult. Some people definitely take advantage of 'niceness' - in fact for many it seems that having a sense of morality, or being 'nice', is simply synonymous with being "a muppet/mug".

I've come to the conclusion that 'honest, and firm but polite' is the way to deal with most people.
 
Caveat said:
I've come to the conclusion that 'honest, and firm but polite' is the way to deal with most people.
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Agreed.

I tend to live by 'do not accept unacceptable behaviour' also - if someone treats me in a manner which I find unacceptable I confront it immediately. In an honest, firm and polite way.

Sometimes you do go through phases where it seems the world is against you - but remember that its all swings and roundabouts and there will be a day when everyone seems to be really nice to you too.
 
Hi all, i feel like a good auld rant, i have noticed over the past while that being nice and helpful gets you nowhere in this world.
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'Nice' is nothing but a tool that should be used wisely. :D

Remember, This post will be deleted if not edited immediately was nice, and looked what happened to Him.
 
I agree, i would always be very obliging in work and do extra if asked but i have been treated like dirt since i came back after maternity leave. All the extra work i did last year and the money i made and saved them is forgotten.
Now i will only do what im employed to do as being nice and obliging gets you nowhere.
My mother used to tell me this when i was younger but i thought she was just being cynical now i see the reality.
 
Interesting one.

I find that your own attitude towards life affects how others see you and consequently their attitude/behaviour towards you.

I tend to also agree with some of the previous posters...some people will try to manipulate you if you're perceived as being "nice" (read walkover).

Honest, firm, fair.
 
I think that maintaining your integrity is more important. Treating people with respect and being honest in how you conduct yourself is not the same thing as being nice. If someone is abusive or a bully I see no problem with responding in a firm and open manner, even if this causes them great upset.

BTW, I tell my kids that if someone hits them to hit them back harder but never hit first.
 
Pretty much agree with the previous posters.

My attitude, life isn't fair (who ever said that it shoud be). Some people get away with murder, some get murdered.

For every person who has more than me, there are thousands that have less.

All I can do is be true to myself, and I can sleep at night.
 
The other thing is (and I'm not suggesting it's the case with the OP) that there is a certain kind of non-specific 'needy' niceness that I've encountered - all inoffensive to an extent and probably subconscious - but it can backfire badly if you are being 'nice' purely to gain favour or acceptance, as the ultimate rejection that often results can be all the more crushing.
 
Caveat said:
The other thing is (and I'm not suggesting it's the case with the OP) that there is a certain kind of non-specific 'needy' niceness that I've encountered - all inoffensive to an extent and probably subconscious - but it can backfire badly if you are being 'nice' purely to gain favour or acceptance, as the ultimate rejection that often results can be all the more crushing.
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Good point
 
Hi Blossy - there's nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself when you feel you've been taken advantage of. It's good to let off steam and garner support from people who have had similar experiences. Lots of wise comments posted already. That builder might have had more respect for you if you hadn't been a woman on your own. That's not sexist - just reality.

I've often heard it said that "what goes around, comes around" but at this stage I don't really believe that. IMO treating others as we would like to be treated is always the best policy. Some people have a conscience and others do not. Would we like to be like them? I think not so take pride in being the person you are. That doesn't mean not learning from our mistakes and becoming "wise to the world". Some people are naturally self assertive and some are not, so it might be a good idea to develop that aspect of yourself while remaining the decent person you are. Caveat makes a good point - we shouldn't want or need to be liked by everyone which is easier said than done for some people.

Respect yourself as much as others. Good luck:)
 
i agree with what everyone is saying just if u notice a customer in a restaraunt isnt happy with their meal will be more likely to receive a drink on the house or something sent out or whatever if they cause enough of a fuss, to avoid a scene or discomfort to other patrons, a person who calmly says they would like to mention a reason that they are not happy, alot of the time, they receive an apology and nothing more.
I would love to conduct a study on this?
as for what goes around comes around...dont believe in that, bad things happen to good people for no reason at all

Am gonna go home and watch a good happy dvd to cheer myself up :D
or ill just walk up to a randomer and ask for a big hug to restore my faith in niceness haha
 
hey thrifty, never heard of it, just googled it!!! it mite just make my day. thank you!! :)
 
It's a Wonderful Life is also often prescribed for restoring your faith in humanity - it works too IMO. :)
 
will do!!! ha!!! only problem if i ask for a hug and the person is nasty, then god help them haha!!!
 
Blossy said:
i agree with what everyone is saying just if u notice a customer in a restaraunt isnt happy with their meal will be more likely to receive a drink on the house or something sent out or whatever if they cause enough of a fuss, to avoid a scene or discomfort to other patrons, a person who calmly says they would like to mention a reason that they are not happy, alot of the time, they receive an apology and nothing more.
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Used to work in a supermarket and observed the same phenomona frequently. Finally realised those who cause a huge fuss are given the goodies to shut them up and move them on so as not to look bad in front of other customers, but as soon as they are gone they are blasted to high heaven by staff and everyone goes out of their way to make life difficult in small ways for that person in the future.

Was it fair? No.
What did it teach me? To get what you really want in a shop or business go in and make as much noise as possible, in front of as many people as possible - but dont bother going back again cos you wont be made welcome.
 
What really gets my goat is the 2-faced backstabbing sycophants that you get in the workplace. Always a big hello for everyone and smiley and happy all the time in public....until you hear about how they treat people like dirt, take credit that's due to others hard work and put on all false pretences around management to 'get ahead'.

You know who I'm talking about...we've all seen them.

Sadly, most management are so taken in by the 'yes boss' attitude that they're too bling to see what these people are really like and nearly become 'pets'. Until the staff refuse to work for them because they're such horrible individuals.
 
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