Wife overspending on grocery shopping

I am assuming that you are a farmer based on what you have posted re land and tax being due in October. I am a farmer's wife and a spender (though I do have my own well paid career). It looks like all the farming money is going into the joint account and your wife has access to this account for spending. A common mistake farmer's make is not keeping the 'business/farm' income and expenditure in one account and the personal expenditure in another account.

I would suggest that you keep the business income and expenditure separate and set up a joint/separate personal account where you pay in your 'personal money' and personal spends are paid from this. As farming income is v seasonal, it can appear that there is plenty of money, when there are suppliers to be paid, tax paid etc. Allowing yourselves €x for running of household and general spending would be a sensible way to start.

While I like to spend (and my husband doesn't), at least by having my own income, we each have money that we do not have to account to the other on. I also agree that online grocery shopping is a huge time (and money) saver.
 
Vonnee said:
I am assuming that you are a farmer based on what you have posted re land and tax being due in October. I am a farmer's wife and a spender (though I do have my own well paid career). It looks like all the farming money is going into the joint account and your wife has access to this account for spending. A common mistake farmer's make is not keeping the 'business/farm' income and expenditure in one account and the personal expenditure in another account.

I would suggest that you keep the business income and expenditure separate and set up a joint/separate personal account where you pay in your 'personal money' and personal spends are paid from this. As farming income is v seasonal, it can appear that there is plenty of money, when there are suppliers to be paid, tax paid etc. Allowing yourselves €x for running of household and general spending would be a sensible way to start.

While I like to spend (and my husband doesn't), at least by having my own income, we each have money that we do not have to account to the other on. I also agree that online grocery shopping is a huge time (and money) saver.
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You assume correctly, dairy farming. Yes all money goes into one account. I have never thought of setting up a separate account which is something well worth thinking about. I was with IFAC accountants for years paying them more than what I got in return. They say they are also financial advisers and yet they never once questioned the high weekly drawings. For years I took no notice of the high grocery bill as I thought it was normal and I had no interest in shopping, it wasn't until 2013 that finances were running very low that I checked out the average weekly cost of groceries and general household goods on the internet for a family of four. My wife was spending between 3-400 a week and the average for a family of 4 in Ireland was €138/week at the time. It was then the penny dropped that she was way overspending, when I confronted her about it all I got is that I am supposed to provide for her and that that was all she had. I told her if we end up overdrawn the bank will shout stop and she'll have a lot less every week but she still couldn't grasp it.

Around 1997 I had to dry off the cows early due to quota being in short supply and having too many cows, so no income for the next 6-7 months and sure enough she kept spending and we ended up 18k overdrawn. My aunt died the following year and left me a bit of money which got us out of that, there wasn't much left after paying that bill with interest.
 
dan rather said:
sounds like shes saving for a rainy day, unless you can account for all her spending
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I used to think that, I thought no way could she spend that amount of money and I thought she had a seperate account with all the extra money but I checked it out and she doesn't.
 
Do her cigarettes come out of the weekly shopping budget? Thirty per day costs €130 per week all on its own. If you were a bit lax with the rest of the spending it's easy to see how you'd get to €300 for four adults. I manage to get through about €100/week shopping online for two.
 
jackswift said:
I was with IFAC accountants for years paying them more than what I got in return. They say they are also financial advisers and yet they never once questioned the high weekly drawings.
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Utterly ridiculous to expect your accountants to monitor your "high weekly drawings" (which in my experience are not at all high for a family of 4, btw).
 
It's a break away from her that I need....She is never satisfied always complaining about trivial things, you could say something as a joke and she'll pick it up wrong and make an argument out of it.
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As I believe I said at the beginning of this thread - nothing to do with groceries.

You have three choices

a. continue as you are with both of you miserable
b. get some help/ marriage guidance / counselling
c. separate / divorce

pick the one you like best and do it.
 
Thirsty said:
As I believe I said at the beginning of this thread - nothing to do with groceries.

You have three choices

a. continue as you are with both of you miserable
b. get some help/ marriage guidance / counselling
c. separate / divorce

pick the one you like best and do it.
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There seems to be a great deal of unhappiness in your household, on both sides. It is likely that the overspending is your wife's manifestation of that unhappiness. We have no way of knowing what yours is. Perhaps if she were on here she would enlighten us as to your (unacceptable to her) habits! I think Thirsty says it well but I suggest you skip a. and go straight to b. with the nuclear option of c. as a backstop. Whatever you do, don't let this fester. You both need to sort the issues out asap! Best of luck with it.
 
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