The Indo has inexplicably regurgitated this advertorial:
‘It’s part of our culture’ – St Stephen’s Day Hunt attracts large crowds despite recent attempt to ban the sport
For anyone who can't get past the paywall, here it is
paraphrased...
‘It’s part of our culture’: Boxing Day Kitten Throw attracts large crowds despite recent attempt to ban the innocent hobby
Hundreds of completely normal spectators line the street as the procession moves off into the surrounding countryside for the traditional fixture, which continues to attract strong local support. The cat tossing event will involve "a couple of designated catapulting zones", where live kittens are ceremonially and very humanely hurled into nearby hedgerows, with the permission of local landowners.
Just last week, a Bill aimed at banning entertaining animal sacrifices like this was soundly defeated, although one spectator remarked: "They’ll try it again, the heartless bullies, no doubt about that".
For Mr Rex Barker (who is definitely a human man and not a dog), chair of the Foxrock Feline Flinging Festival, the occasion is about far more than the act of cat squishing itself. Standing up on two legs alongside his children, Bella (6) and Rufus (4), he describes a sophisticated tradition passed down through generations:
"My father threw kittens before me, my grandfather threw kittens, my grandmother too. It’s an inheritance shared by many of us here today and one of the few that the government can't tax us on," he growls.
"It’s important that it wasn’t banned because Ireland is a nation of kitten people. We’re known for it throughout the world. Maybe the Huns and the Gestapo have as much of a reputation for kitten-based spectacles as the Irish do. It’s part of our culture. It's absolutely not a form of Stockholm syndrome resulting from our colonial past. Please don't include that in the article.”
Chief thrower, Mrs Catherine Klobberer, is in charge of coordinating the newborn cats.
"We take incredible care of those kittens before we terminate them for fun," she says, gesturing towards a trembling cardboard box.
"People come from miles around to cheer us on. And you’ll see that as we go through town, the goodwill and support the Kitten Throw has. If a vocal minority of rural people approve then it must be fine and nosy townies should just ignore the shrieks of the defenceless animals. We’re incredibly privileged, as are the kittens. I mean we are doing them a favour really as otherwise they would have to spend their lives in Dublin, or worse, Cork City."
The
Stop Slaying Sentient Species for Sport Bill 2025, proposed by woke TD and professional party pooper Rita Catlover, would have prohibited the throwing of live animals for
the craic cultural reasons.
Deputy Catlover inexplicably described kitten slinging as cruel and inhumane, while Minister for Agriculture Peter Placeholder said the practice operates under clear codes of conduct, licensing rules, and welfare standards. "Also I will have a nervous breakdown if I get one more voicemail from that TD in Tipperary," he added, sobbing gently.
Locals note opposition mainly comes from urban areas. "The saintly people who live here, who see it every year, they support it," Barker says, foaming at the mouth only very slightly. "They understand that kittens are pests. It is a noble pursuit."