autumnleaf said:But what if those obstacles are impossible to clear and everything doesn't just "fall into place"? If your ovaries/sperm/love life are just not co-operating in your grand plan? What do you do instead?
Concentrate on your career? Travel? Learn to be a good uncle/auntie/best friend's babysitter? Take up painting/bungie jumping/nuclear physics?
Adoption and fostering are also possible alternatives for some people.autumnleaf said:But what if those obstacles are impossible to clear and everything doesn't just "fall into place"? If your ovaries/sperm/love life are just not co-operating in your grand plan? What do you do instead?
Having experienced infertility issues for 5 years and followed the experiences of others both online (e.g. the 'trying to concieve' board on rollercoaster.ie) and in the real world, I've never come across any woman expressing relief at discovering infertility. I've come across expressions of despair, depression, fear, loss of identify, financial concerns, relationship concerns and a whole pile of other strongly negative emotions. Relief would be a first for me.ney001 said:I guess for some women this might be a relief - if ovaries/sperm/love life don't fall into place then at least the decision is made for you and then perhaps you would be in a better position to get over any disappointment/regret/doubts and carry on with your life . (I don't for one minute think it's easy to get over not being able to have kids)
Obviously this is not the case for everybody but I think that in this thread some women feel (including myself) overwhelmed by the idea of picking the right time to have kids - OP was wondering how people pick the right time - what are the criteria they use? - if there are health issues to deal with the question is answered for you!.
I've never come across anyone who considered fostering to be an alternative to parenting. Adoption is indeed an alternative, and one which carries its own huge complexities and difficulties. The number of Irish children available for adoption is tiny, and foreign adoptions carry a pile of legal, financial and practical difficulties.ClubMan said:Adoption and fostering are also possible alternatives for some people.
But it sounds like, in the situations outlined, you would have been dealing mainly with women who avowedly wanted to conceive so obviously infertility would not have been a relief for them. Others might have a different view.RainyDay said:Having experienced infertility issues for 5 years and followed the experiences of others both online (e.g. the 'trying to concieve' board on rollercoaster.ie) and in the real world, I've never come across any woman expressing relief at discovering infertility. I've come across expressions of despair, depression, fear, loss of identify, financial concerns, relationship concerns and a whole pile of other strongly negative emotions. Relief would be a first for me.
As is fostering for some people regardless of whether you personally happen to have met them or not.I've never come across anyone who considered fostering to be an alternative to parenting. Adoption is indeed an alternative...
I imagine that most people realise this.and one which carries its own huge complexities and difficulties. The number of Irish children available for adoption is tiny, and foreign adoptions carry a pile of legal, financial and practical difficulties.
RainyDay said:Having experienced infertility issues for 5 years and followed the experiences of others both online (e.g. the 'trying to concieve' board on rollercoaster.ie) and in the real world, I've never come across any woman expressing relief at discovering infertility. I've come across expressions of despair, depression, fear, loss of identify, financial concerns, relationship concerns and a whole pile of other strongly negative emotions. Relief would be a first for me.
I agree with Crystal. You seem to underestimating the effort/time/commitment that is required even to just diagnose infertility. There will be 12 months of 'trying' before a GP will consider any intervention. Then probably another 1-2 years of charting ovulation, non-spontaneous intercourse timed to maximise chances of conception, possibly some medication. Then there will be the referral to the specialist, involving a couple of visits, blood tests (for him & her), ultrasound, possibly a laparoscopy, possibly a post-coital test, probably a couple of seperate semen analyses for him. Few couples will get this far with a strong commitment to having children, and I've never heard of a single case of 'relief' as the outcome of the diagnosis.ney001 said:I'm not saying that women would be relieved to discover infertility!. What I am saying is that for those women out there who don't particularly want kids but feel under pressure to have them anyway (parents or partners putting on pressure - or even themselves) may feel a little relieved if the decision is made for them and I don't just mean infertility, they might not have met the right man etc but either way they don't have to agonise over whether or not they are making the right decisions or whether or not they can give up careers etc.
too many people jump into it & then wonder why no one warned them of the downsides.
Also interesting how people say "well, nobody ever regrets having children". If someone did regret it, would they ever dare to say so out loud?
Well, this mother has no problem in stating her children bore her to death!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/li...79&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=FEMAIL&ct=5
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