'Thank You' letters

C

Concert

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Do people not send Thank you letter anymore. Suppose I must be old fashioned but I was taught to always write a thank you note whenever someone sent me a birthday present, 21st present etc. We are now at the stage in life where we are attending a lot of Weddings etc and cant understand how the little word thank you seems to be forgotton nowadays.
 
The last 4 presents I bought were for 2 weddings, 1 childs birthday and 1 christening.

Got 4 Thank You cards.

I thought that everyone sent Thank You cards for wedding presents. Surely?
 
One branch of the family with large number of kids. We got invites to 21 st's and then weddings. We sent gifts to first 3 or so of the kids and never once received a "thank you" for anything. Now we have stopped sending gifts to the remaining children but feel a little guilty that we are tarring all children with same brush.
Even though they were young adults I think that their parents should have ensured that a thank you was sent.
 
My OH and I went for Sunday lunch to our friends' home recently and they made us a lovely meal, despite having a 6 month old baby to keep them busy, and we had a lovely afternoon together chatting. And the next day I popped a Thank You card in the post and said we'll look fwd to having them another time. I totally agree how nice it is to send and receive a thank you.
 
RMCF said:
I thought that everyone sent Thank You cards for wedding presents. Surely?
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That's what I thought. We sent them anyway (married late 90s).

I thought weddings and funerals were more or less immune to trends of etiquette/lapses of formality etc.

I'd ask the ones who don't bother with a thank you note - would they have been miffed if they didn't receive proper invitations to weddings on other occasions? because I'm sure they did.

Basic reciprocity and good manners then, never mind being casual or modern about it.
 
How long ago were these weddings? I have noticed that where it used to be (in the late 90s or so) that cards were sent within about 6 weeks of the date it's now considered ok to send them within a year. Not sure why it changed but I saw a thread on boards (I know) saying that a year was the norm.
Sybil
 
My wife recently had twins and we sent Thank You cards to all the gift givers, and I was surprised by the amount of people who commented on getting the cards, and that they never receive Thank you cards anymore. I thought is was the norm to thank someone for a present.
 
It might be the norm for people with a bit of manners but for the others they wouldn't know what manners are
 
Mrs Boris gets very upset when she doesn't get thank you cards. Even went to the point that when a cousin of hers, who doesn't send cards, had her second child that no kiddies present was sent due to not getting a thank you for the first one.
 
Was at 7 weddings in last 4 yrs, though one this yr early summer was an extended family do so it was a family group present that the mam organised.

The rest:
Wedding 1, mid 06 got a thank you card, though it was an afters, I bought something small
Wedding 2, mid 07, not sure got a card, though it was an afters but two of us clubbed into buying something. I know the groom better in this case.
Wedding 3 late 07 and got a thank you card.
Wedding 4, this time 2 yrs ago and got a thank you card.
Wedding 5, nearly this time a year ago and *no* thank you card.
Wedding 6, a month ago, no thank you card yet.

Most would know each other socially or at least to see.

Don't get on with no 4 anymore. 4, 5 and 6 know each other and 5 was a delibrate lack of manners due to the falling out of no 4 and a couple of other things, as she's into her etiqutte ala "Mrs Bouquet" or so she thinks. And she has handgiven others a card in my presence, the day I gave present (the wedding was abroad so within 2 weeks I had present with me when next meeting, wasn't the only one either but they opened 2 or 3 sets of presents in front of everyone - so not the done thing) so it was a snub.
I've more manners in my little finger.

I've moved on as they say. I get on with 3 and see her the most.

2-6 weeks is the norm, not a year.
http://ourmarriage.com/html/thank_you_cards.html
"wedding gifts within two weeks after returning from the honeymoon.
Wedding gifts arriving in advance of the wedding, should be responded to immediately, so that an extended period of time does not pass between receiving the gift and it's thank you."

http://entertaining.about.com/cs/etiquette/a/thankyou.htm
"The current guidelines for wedding gift thank you notes are that the notes should be sent within three months of receipt of gifts. However, given the potential monumental task that would pose to the bride and groom after their honeymoon, it makes sense to send notes out as soon as gifts are received (often wedding gifts are sent prior to the wedding date)."

http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Thank_You_Notes
"While it’s acceptable to send it up to three months after the big day, it’s best to do it within two weeks of returning from your honeymoon. After that, people will start wondering if you didn’t like their gifts."

My mam gets always upset about these things especially on some of the cousin's and their kids on presents - especially when they were young. I get her point too. It doesn't take much for a card or even a thank you phone call if a card is too much for some people to spend. I call them miserly, lazy, full of their own importance and shallow.

I've learned to weed those who don't out of my life..
 
I think people make too much of a big deal out of little things like whether they get thank you cards after giving a wedding gift or not.

The bride and groom have probably spent thousands on their wedding as it is - so what if they don't thank every single guest for giving a gift.
 
My sister-in-law had gone to the expense of getting thank you cards printed up and just never bothered sending them and I know my Mum was embarassed for ages bumping into people she knew gave a gift but never got a card. And yes I know my brother could have wrote them but he didn't and the sister in law just hadn't grown up to understand the importance of saying thank you.
WRT they spent thousands on a wedding and so what if they don't thank you - well the guests spent money too, in some cases new outfits, travel costs, paying hotel and gift and drink so yes they should be thanked for making the effort to go and for giving a gift.
 
DB74 said:
I think people make too much of a big deal out of little things like whether they get thank you cards after giving a wedding gift or not.

The bride and groom have probably spent thousands on their wedding as it is - so what if they don't thank every single guest for giving a gift.
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Are you serious? The guests probably spent hundreds on the day. And maybe a couple of hundred as a present. Its very cheeky, bad mannered, rude etc not to acknowledge it!
I'd accept a thank you email which is free if the poor bride & groom couldnt gather up the money for a pack of cards in easons & some stamps!
 
"The bride and groom have probably spent thousands on their wedding as it is" - I'll only answer that in relation to personal experience.

My brother is the only one of my siblings who is married. He got married 2 years ago and nobody got thank you cards. I know for a fact that my brother and his new wife received enough money in gifts to cover the cost of the wedding. My family is huge, there was about 300 guests at the wedding. Many members of the family travelled from abroad, some from as far away as Dubai, when you make a trip like that thank you cards are something simple to show that your presence was appreciated.

I on the other hand, I send thank you cards for everything. I'm kind of anal about it :eek: My godparents send me a birthday card and Christmas card every year without fail (eventhough I'm getting on now) and I always send them a thank you text shortly followed by a thank you card. It's just manners.

People shouldn't just presume that because they're getting married, christening a child etc that they are entitled to presents, in fact given people out of work, paycuts etc etc I would be even more inclined to send a thank you card nowadays.
 
Fair enough, fair enough. The point about the expenditure wasn't very well made in hindsight.

I just don't think it's worth getting worked up about

I think there is a bit of an obsession with cards and linking them with etiquette and sending them for every little occasion.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I didn't get a thank you card for a present. But I seem to be in the minority.
 
DB74 said:
Wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I didn't get a thank you card for a present. But I seem to be in the minority.
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it doesn't bother me hugely for things like weddings etc but for things like birthday money I think it is simply polite to acknowledge. We each have a nephew who turned 18 in Late June/Early July, they both live in the UK. We sent "my" nephew card and money by registered post and he took the time to call me to say Thanks, plus I got a text of him later the same day. The other Nephew, we did the same, plus sending his mother a small gift for her birthday at the same time, mid September and we are still waiting for any kind of acknowledgement! ( we know it arrived as we got the delivery confirmation). That is just plain rudeness.

Personally I used to love writing thank you letters and I have always made sure my son either wrote or phoned to say Thank You
 
I think the idea of sending thank you cards for things like christening presents is a bit too much, personally I prefer to ring the people in person and thank them rather than sending a card. But for some things that's not practical (such as weddings) so in that case sending cards makes more sense - but not doing anything to thank people is definitely rude and ungrateful in my book.
 
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