Teenage drinking

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LexLuthor

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Just wonder what people's views on the following are -
My sister has asked me to have a chat with her soon-to-be-fifteen son...
He tells her that he wants to start drinking when he's 15 becuse his friends do it. He says it wouldn't be anything too crazy: 'maybe 3 or 4 cans at a friends house a few times a year'. He's intelligent enough, but she (who doesn't drink, nor does the father) is really worried he might get drunk and hurt himself or worse. They have discussed it at length and she does not know what to do. He is well underage, but you can't just ignore it...
I don't know whether to discourage him completely, or accept the fact that he's going to do it and give him pointers (eat beforehand, watch out for spiking etc.)
Any views?
 
Perhaps she could start off by allowing him to have a couple of drinks at home with the family over a meal?
 
Read this and you will be left in no doubt what to say to your nephew.

According to research by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, adolescents who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to develop alcohol dependence than those who begin drinking at age 21.



An early age of drinking onset is also associated with alcohol-related violence not only among persons under age 21 but among adults as well.



It has been estimated that over three million teenagers are out-and-out alcoholics. Several million more have a serious drinking problem that they cannot manage on their own.



The three leading causes of death for 15- to 24-year-olds are automobile crashes, homicides and suicides -- alcohol is a leading factor in all three.



Although this is based on American research, I don't think our statistics show us in any better light. if you offer advise on 'safe drinking' you are tacitly suggesting to him that it is alright to drink illegally just so long as he doesn't get caught, make an eejit out of himselfself or get in trouble. What's wrong with just saying 'No, you can't, not until you are legally entitled to do so'. Thats all my Dad had to say to me.
​
 
Well my parents don't drink either and I would never be able to drink in front of them, I would be mortified no matter what age.
I think he's going to drink anyway, he sounds like a lovely honest lad, I doubt any of his other friends spoke to their parents about it.
Maybe if the parents arranged to pick him up on the nights he was going to have a few cans, and if they set down some ground rules like, ok for one night over the school holidays and maybe once at Christmas, but it's not going to turn into weekly piss up.
And make sure you eat well, and remember the golden drinking night rule: Do not give life or do not take life!
In other words, do not have unprotected sex and if a fight breaks out come home pronto.
 
I'm with Ophelia on this one, yes they may drink anyway but I don't see that parents should facilitate it.

My standing on this (so far as my children are concerned) is that the law states you must be 18 and I'm not in the position of chosing what laws I like and only obeying those. I also tell them that I wouldn't let them have coffee when they were 5 years old as it was bad for them, so why would I give them alcohol at 15?

I think teenagers should always be collected from any evening out either by you or by another parent.

Set all the ground rules you like in regard to drinking - but you can be certain they will be broken.

I'm not foolish enough to believe that my children haven't and won't ever drink illegally, but they won't be in any doubt about the fact that it is wrong and I won't condone it.
 
I was always under the impression that the law states you must be 18 to BUY alcohol, although most retaliers adopt an age of 21 to be safe. I don't believe its actually illegal to drink alcohol under the age of 18.

I don't think an absolute age limit on buying alcohol is always appropriate for everyone but its the only way a society can operate. Children drinking at home is a safe way to introduce teenagers to alcohol, and by this I mean having a glass of wine/beer with a family meal, not sitting around the garden with friends and a crate of beer. Learning how to enjoy a potentially dangerous and addictive drug is not something that should be learned from other teenagers but rather from responsible adults who have their welfare in mind.

Irish people in general have a poor attitude to alcohol, they either drink way too much or are completely anti-alcohol, there seems to be very little middle ground.
 
Here's the relevant bit from Oasis re ages and drinking:



When he say "at a friend's house" does he mean under their parents' supervision? Or does it mean at a friends house when parents are out? Would it be at all a help to meet with other parents to discuss the issue? It might help to know what other people's attitudes are. It's a tricky issue I think - on the one hand I feel he must deserve some trust and respect for having been so honest about this. On the other, particularly if both parents are non-drinkers, it's really not easy to say to a fifteen year old please, go and drink. Perhaps a compromise might work - say allow him to have an occasional beer or glass of wine at a family meal (if the parents don't drink, then at a meal with uncle/aunt etc.) until he's sixteen and at age sixteen agree he can have a beer at a friend's house provided there is parental supervision. Also check rollercoaster.ie, they have lots of parenting advice over there I think.
 
I have three boys: 21, 18 and 17 and none of them drink. I can say that with hand on heart. I know it sounds odd but none of them actually wanted to drink. They all have friends or acquaintences who don't drink and also who drink but not excessively. Their friends respect my kids wish not to drink and there is never any peer pressure. The reason they cite or not drinking is that they would feel very unsafe if they were out of control of their own bodies!, as good a reason as any I suppose. The youngest one in particular is very open with me and tells me about boys in his class who spend alot of money on drink and never have any money for clothes or other activities. Neither myself or my husband drink, and I think that is why the boys don't. If in the future they wanted to have a drink, I wouldn't be concerned. I would know that they have reached their decision through maturity and not through peer pressure and the need to fit in.
 
At 16 my mother took me to the pub and made me buy drink to show me that its expensive she also sat there with me through the night while i drank and to cut a long story short even though i thought in my wisdom that i could handle my drink and plenty of it after 6 drinks i was plastered and my mam made me walk on front of her all the way home as i staggered along bumping into things and gave me the paracetomal the next morning. The moral of the story is she took me out with her to show me my limit and the effects of getting drunk and what would happen if she hadnt walked behind me all the way home. Some might think this irresponsible but i learned my lesson, it dosnt mean that i didnt drink but i never abused it and watched while my frineds at the time made silly mistakes and got sick after too much drink! You can not stop the enivatable...he will drink if he is determined and the fact that he chose to speak to you about it first proves that he is a responsible mature young adult so if treated with the same respect, in your company prehaps you could allow him to have a drink to show both himself and you how he responds to Achaol!
 
I think most 15 and 16 year olds are going to drink if they want to whether or not their parents approve. In my case my mother knew I was drinking at 16 so we sat down to discuss it and decided that I was only allowed two drinks on a night out and that I was only allowed out in town once a month. I didn't always stick to this but I don't think she knew as I'd stay in my friends house most weekends and her parents were always too p*ssed to notice what we did.

When I was almost 17 I was allowed to drink at home or at family functions. Then at 17 I went off to college so they knew I wasn't going to sit at home in my flat while everyone else was out having fun.
 
so a 14 year old can't be in the function room of a wedding even if their sister or brother is getting married.....thats a bit dopey in my humble opinion.
I would have thought the law about having kids at private functions with meals after 9pm, which I assume is mostly weddings should apply to any kids provided their legal guardian is present.....
 
I think part of our problem here in relation to drinking is our attitude to the whole thing. That is why its probably too late to introduce 'the cafe culture' or unrestricted drinking hours such as they have on the continent. I believe they should be introduced but we have to be prepared for the fact that it will probably get worse before it gets better.

I think your sister has an opportunity here to influence her sons drinking and his attitude to same. The fact that he came to her about it means she is starting off at an advantage. She needs to show that she has a healthy attitude to alcohol, if she is to expect him to have the same. That means being realsitic and not portraying it as someting 'bad' or 'dangerous', but something if used in moderation is okay and a healthy part of many poeples lives. That it only becomes a problem if it is misused, not merely used.

We all had our first drink at home with our family. over Christmas dinner etc. My brothers/ sisters have all been drunk of course, but I do believe we all have a healthy attitude to our alcohol use. This stems from the fact that our parents were realistic with us in relation to it.
 
I think the trying it at home thing sounds good. I had the traditional covert introduction to drinking and did it to excess occasionally - those 2 things are probably not unrelated!

I think the practical advice side of it shouldnt be ignored - my golden rule, which I eventually came around to (if you'll pardon the pun!) is to stick to beer alone. Dont drink spirits.

With beer you gradually get a bit more intoxicated but its manageable, whereas with spirits you think you are grand, next minute you're holding on to the floor!!
Spirits, being more concentrated, can get you dangerously drunk too easily.

With the best/worst will in the world, it takes a bit of effort to get enough beer into you that quick to do real damage.

Avoid cider - anecdotal evidence suggests it fuels agression.
Avoid alcopops (not really around in 'my day') but too easily drunk, like candy, too drunk too quick, problems. Also, with all the gunge in them I'd say you have a hopping head the day after.

Eat before drinking, drink water after drinking (and while drinking if possible). To this end, should pubs offer free tap water &/or encourage drinking water while drinking alcohol.

[I now drink at home mostly, typically wine with a meal or on a Friday night, so a few bad teenage experiences doesnt necessarily mean you're on the road to hell]
 
I started drinking the old fashioned way...in a field at 15 (while it was raining)....learning the finer arts of shotgunning and dolly mixtures and all that jazz. Here's the thing...I'm not an alcoholic. If anything I drink more sensibly than most of my friends.
The thing is there's no right or wrong way to introduce a kid to alcohol. I know guys whose parents allowed them a glass of wine when they were 14 at meals. Or a beer with their dad etc...you'd want to see some of them now. I have more than one friend who I can safely say have drinking problems.
Ultimately it's down to the individual and how he's raised and how his life pans out. Don't be fooled...of course he's going to say it'll be three or four cans at his friends house. Actually, it'll be more like 9 or 10 and a few spliffs too. Don't be naive about underage drinking. When a group of 15 year old kids start drinking it's sloppy and messy.
Teach him some golden rules...avoid shorts, avoid cider. Know roughly when to stop. That ugly girl is still ugly when you're drunk...even though she now looks like a goddess. That sort of thing :)
 
I used to think that allowing kids to start drinking in a civilised way at home over a meal was a good idea . . . .but now I'm not so sure. . .especially when you consider that so many alcoholics actually drink at home. There's probably plenty of people who drink at home and who are border line alcholics but don't even realise it.

Regarding teenagers people are probably more worried about them getting drunk and hurting themselves while out, but if you're worried about them becoming alcoholic the above is worth keeping in mind.
 
I think that an almost 15 year old, or even a sixteen year old, should not be allowed drink. I am consistently embarrassed by our overwhelming drink culture. I was out with a group of friends last Wednesday (junior cert results night) - some of the friends were from other places; Germany, Spain, Japan etc... and they were totally shocked at the sight of drunken 15 year olds hanging round the city centre. It just doesn't happen in other places.
 
I agree . . .it seems nearly worse in the towns around the country. I was out in Donegal town one New Year's Eve and it was really too dangerous to be hanging round even to go for a bag of chips. A bottle just missed my head.
 
annR said:
I used to think that allowing kids to start drinking in a civilised way at home over a meal was a good idea . . . .but now I'm not so sure. . .especially when you consider that so many alcoholics actually drink at home. There's probably plenty of people who drink at home and who are border line alcholics but don't even realise it.
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This is a good point - it's not merely about allowing kids to drink at home, it's more about setting them a good example. There are quite a lot of people (in my experience at any rate) who adopt a "do as I say, not as I do" attitude when it comes to drinking. They feel that by allowing their younger teenagers to have a glass of wine or beer at home on a weekend or at speciall occassions they are instilling a responsible attitude to drink in them. Yet these same parents get completely pissed a couple of times a week for months at a time followed by a couple of months of not touching a drop followed by more heavy drinking at the drop of a hat. Judging from the kids' reactions and experiences to drink so far the majority of it has involved following the example set by the parents of what's okay to do rather than what the parents say they should do.
 
Isnt some of it just removing the mystique around drink - if you banned jellybabies there'd soon be the cool kids who ate jellybabies just cos they werent allowed to.

I know thats frivolous but hushed tones, taboo & prohibition tend to lend something a mystique which isnt justified.

The example of the parents is hugely relevant and significant, agree 100%. Giving alcohol consumption a realistic context would also help, and this includes letting them taste some of it - how cool can it be if your parents let you try it and are willing to talk about it.
 
Janet said:
This is a good point - it's not merely about allowing kids to drink at home, it's more about setting them a good example. There are quite a lot of people (in my experience at any rate) who adopt a "do as I say, not as I do" attitude when it comes to drinking. They feel that by allowing their younger teenagers to have a glass of wine or beer at home on a weekend or at speciall occassions they are instilling a responsible attitude to drink in them. Yet these same parents get completely pissed a couple of times a week for months at a time followed by a couple of months of not touching a drop followed by more heavy drinking at the drop of a hat. Judging from the kids' reactions and experiences to drink so far the majority of it has involved following the example set by the parents of what's okay to do rather than what the parents say they should do.
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I'm sorry but this point, unfortunately, just doesn't hold any water with me. It's a logical way of thinking but it just doesn't add up. I can show you any number of people (both guys and girls) who have parents who never drank and who drink like fishes themselves. I myself come from a family where my mother hardly ever touches a drop and my dad only in moderation. Great parents in general when I was growing up...all sound advice etc etc...yet I still did everything I shouldn't have done. Both drink and drugs.
Kids/teenagers will do their own thing and there's many a parent out there who thinks that they're doing everything right and believing "my son doesn't drink"...I guarantee you...take a cross section of those drunken junior cert student's parenst and you'll probably find at least 50% are good parents who try to set good examples etc...

I'm a realist on stuff like this. Right now I agree that binge drinking and underage binge drinking is out of control in Ireland. It needs a change of culture. You can try everything in your power to do the "right" thing with your son or daughter but at the end of the day it may not stop them from getting obliterated at some party.

Also, just on the whole parents who think they're children don't do x, y or z...
My dad gave up cigarettes when he was about 50. Went through hell with it. He became the worst kind of anti-smoker afterwards. He swore he'd disown us if we started smoking. I started smoking when I was 19 and gave up when I was 25. All that time I was living at home and to this day my dad never knew I smoked.
 
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