Should husband become a stay at home Dad?

S

squinn21

Guest
I earn 60k gross with potential for up to another 20k in travel and cash, would realistically get a minimum of 10. Hubby earns only 40k now as a result of huge salary cuts which are unlikely to be reversed. Iam due back from maternity leave in January. We will then have 3 in full time childcare costing a minimum of 400 per week. I am wondering if i had all the tax credits allowances etc would it be more realistic for my husband to stay home? His take home now is 650 per week but only because he still has bik of tax free allowance which we transfered when i was on my 1st maternity leave. Eldest will not start school until 2013 and even that will not change cc fees much as afterschool care is almost as expensive. Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated
 
Hi,

Welcome to AAM.

I think it would be best if you were to use the template provided for this forum and add your figures as it will give people a better handle on same.

The top 10 suggestions may be slightly dated but may still be relevant.

You may also find www.taxcalc.eu to check out tax situation although the budget will affect things between now and January.
 
It wouls also be helpful if you didn't use an abbreviation in your title .... sahd?

I was asking myslef what had the hubby got to be sad about!
 
He'll have plenty to be sad about looking after three young kids from home!

Seriously, unless your husband has worked from home, there will be a huge dislocation for him - never mind the loss in earnings - but there are several options

Option #1 - teleworking

I strongly recommend that he looks at the options of teleworking for several days during the week to ease into this as it can be daunting for some people to do.

Option #2 - total househusband

Do NOT let him wade into this without at least doing some kind of course on home economics, particularly buying and cooking.

Men (I am one) can go way OTT buying mad foods or "treats" to compensate for their change in status, supposedly for the whole family, but actually for themselves.

Money flies out the door on shopping day, when in fact careful shopping can mean that a family of four can eat nutritiously for under €100 a week - I speak from my wife's ability with this, not mine :)

Option #3 Childminding service

The charges seem excessive - are there no cheaper alternatives? I'm not begrudging - it seems incredibly expensive.
 
Our experience of this - We debated this for a while with respect to me becoming a sahm (stay at home mammy). In the end the decision was made when the company I worked for went bust last year. We had 2 kids and full time creche was €1675. My hubby had bulk of the credits/band so I took home around €2400, so we were down about €700. However when I looked at travel and other work associated expenses it was probably around €500 of a loss (probably less now with extra levies and USC). Having considered all our options and the fact that there were no suitable jobs to be had, we've decided that for now I'll stay put at home. Our third is also on the way and to go back now with the same salary, I'd be handing my paycheque straight over to the creche. So considering the extra expenses already mentioned we'd be out of pocket and all just so I could endure the stress of juggling home and work and knowing that we'd see the kids for 2 hours a day absolute max. I do miss work like crazy sometimes but for now it's the best option for our family (kids, eldest (5yo) especially, are sooo much happier now too so I'm guilted into staying home).

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
squinn21 said:
. Eldest will not start school until 2013 and even that will not change cc fees much as afterschool care is almost as expensive. Any thoughts/suggestions appreciated
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There is more to this decision than money. Staying at home with 3 young kids is not an easy thing to do. It's a very big commitment.

Relations of mine in Ireland have told me this year that the afterschool costs have come down massively. Not sure how widespread this is, but in a couple of years when all the kids are at school you could look into getting an au pair, or another mother who would be willing to do the after school hours for a reasonable amount. It doesn't have to be a creche.

Right now the costs are very high, but this will ease. Considering the times we are in giving up a job doesn't seem to be a wise choice.
 
Also what about the long term impact of becoming a stay at home dad. What I mean by this is if you have decided that you are not going to have any more kids then in 5/10/15 years the need for a stay at home dad will reduce but his ability to obtain employment in his current profession will become more difficult.

Would there be any option to reduce his working week to 3 days / 5 half days / etc as most employers who have had to cut wages might be open to this suggestion to reduce costs. Our creche offer different rates for 2/3/4 days or a full week.

So you might be able to reduce your creche costs, keep hubby in employment & even though the maths may mean that the gain per working day is not great for your hubby, he will have the option to stay in his profession and if he wants to in the future as the children move to secondary school and beyond go back working full time rather than the alternative of perhaps having no job to go back to in 10/15 years?

Personally with only 2 young kids, I would consider minding 3 kids a lot more difficulty and stressful than any job I have had to date!!!!
 
I think ONQ's post makes a lot of sense. Not wanting to come across as chauvinistic, but I know Mrs Firefly does a better job at home than I could ever do. Not saying it's not possible for men to stay at home and I'm sure there are champion dads out there, but I know it would drive me crazy! Perhaps get your husband to mind the kids for a few successive weekends and see how it goes. The odd day here and there is fine, but it's the stuff like deep cleaning the house, making different dinners every night, doing the laundry etc the will get to you. Jees, I think a bunch of flowers for herself is called for this evening!!!
 
onq said:
Men (I am one) can go way OTT buying mad foods or "treats" to compensate for their change in status, supposedly for the whole family, but actually for themselves.
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What do you mean? My kids love cider!
 
Thanks for all the replies, a lot of food for thought. Just to clarify, i realise now it wasn't that clear from original post. I was trying to figure out what my take home would be if i had all the tax credits allowances etc as I think it might be early as much as we are left with now on the 2 salaries after paying the creche.
Very good point though about hubby's ability to re-enter the workforce in the future if being at home isn't for him. Money is definitely only 1 consideration. Another huge factor is that he is very unhappy in his current job with little else out there in his industry
 
I see no reason why your husband couldn’t or shouldn’t stay at home.
Despite some sexist posts to the contrary there’s no reason why a man can’t do the shopping and look after the children.
Both Mrs Purple and I work but if one of us was going to stay at home and mind the kids etc it would definitely be me. The fact that she earns more than me is only part of the reason; we both agree that I’d be more suited to the role. I do the shopping and all of the cooking as it is so that wouldn’t be a big change for me. We’ve also realised, and this is a major factor, that she’d go nuts if she wasn’t working. Then there’s the fact that she likes her job more than I like mine. There’s lots of reasons.

You can both set your budget, do shopping lists etc.
I would be careful about his ego in all of this; suddenly being reliant on another person for your income would be hard. If you don’t have a joint account and aren’t of a mindset that it’s household income not “my” income it could all end in tears.
 
Purple said:
Yep, they were.
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Morning,
If my post was sexist/offensive let me know where and I'll gladly edit/remove. I was just to to convey in our situation Mrs Firefly is a lot better at minding the kids that I am. I had to dress our 2 yesterday morning while trying the watch the rugby and apparently they didn't look to well :D
 
Firefly said:
Morning,
If my post was sexist/offensive let me know where and I'll gladly edit/remove. I was just to to convey in our situation Mrs Firefly is a lot better at minding the kids that I am. I had to dress our 2 yesterday morning while trying the watch the rugby and apparently they didn't look to well :D
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Nonsense, you’ve to learn to multitask. That’s when women do two things badly at the same time.

On a serious note I’m not a big fan of gender stereotyping and while sexist comments about women are rightly highlighted it seems acceptable to make them about men.
 
Firefly said:
Morning,
If my post was sexist/offensive let me know where and I'll gladly edit/remove. I was just to to convey in our situation Mrs Firefly is a lot better at minding the kids that I am. I had to dress our 2 yesterday morning while trying the watch the rugby and apparently they didn't look to well :D
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Well you've my vote when you said you'd get the flowers for Mrs. Firefly.

Mr. Bronte can not put salt in the dishwasher, the current one we've had for 5 years. Neither can he put clothes in the washing machine. He has not come up with any excuse though to not empty either machine. He likes my cooking :) and as far as we can tell it's one of the main reasons we are still married. Men are very basic. He got to see the rugby in bed, but was most put out about the soccer which I on purpose timed to go with late Sunday lunch. He actually thinks I time these things. :( Another reason we get on so well as that he cannot understand why I like AAM. :p

Purple most men can not multitask. You are obviously not a real man. :D
 
Oh dear G.. my OH will despair of me. Of course why didn't I know what RWC was. I've heard enough about it for the last few weeks and very early mornings at weekends and know nearly all the results.
 
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