Separation - wife wants me out of house before separation agreed

DannyBoyD said:
Work on the basis of 2 years.
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Yikes. I was prepared for that for full separation to go through, but not to have to live together that long.

Mediator indicated best case we could have a deal worked out in 3 months (might just be saying that to make us feel better), then need to get solicitors to sign ... was wondering if I could leave then while the full process would go on for a year or more?

(no space for garden room - but I could move to holiday home, work from there, come to Dublin once every week or two, staying in hotel for a couple of nights, go to office, see kids - cheaper option than renting in Dublin. I'd prefer that to living in a 400K house in outskirts of Dublin, doubt if I'd see kids more than once a week, but hard to tell)
 
OP sorry for your trouble.

I would not be in a hurry to move out.

Engage a solicitor as soon as possible. Go to FLAC if you need to - https://www.flac.ie

Assuming that you bought the house together, you own half of it and your wife would have to buy out your interest in it. You could possibly use the proceeds to set yourself up with accommodation where you could have your kids over 50% of the time (for example). The family home probably couldn't be sold until your youngest child turns 18 (or 23 if in full time education).

As I said earlier, engage a solicitor as soon as possible.
 
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@Purple I know you have a good solicitor, is there any way you could let me know who? (is there no private messaging enabled on this site??)
 
Asking OP to vacate ASAP comes across as an overweening sense of entitlement and a touch of arrogance.
I expect OP to be advised in due course by his solicitor to stand his ground i.e. stay put until agreement reached.
If OP complies with the demand you would then wonder what is next on the shopping list.

Separation is a sad and messy business for sure. Remember that both parties have rights and obligations as distinct from wishes.
 
mrbongos said:
We have started separation, just had our first mediation meeting where my wife stated she wants me out of the house ASAP.
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Mediation, by its nature, involves two parties setting out their preferred outcomes but, in doing so, acknowledging their willingness to compromise.

It is not adjudication. Nobody who has agreed to engage in mediation should expect to have their opening ‘demand’ accepted.

In this case, you could just have easily asked that your wife be the one to vacate the home and your position would be equally valid.

This is a negotiation. By its nature, neither party should go away fully satisfied.

It’s very important to understand that mediators are pursuing an agreed outcome that both parties can live with. They’re not looking for justice.

With respect, it doesn’t bode well if you’re considering folding at the first interaction.
 
mrbongos said:
(no space for garden room - but I could move to holiday home, work from there, come to Dublin once every week or two, staying in hotel for a couple of nights, go to office, see kids - cheaper option than renting in Dublin. I'd prefer that to living in a 400K house in outskirts of Dublin, doubt if I'd see kids more than once a week, but hard to tell)
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Am sorry that things have come to this.

But I think you need to think less about preserving your wealth and what is best for everyone. You are living in a house right now with three people and by your own admission two of them don't want you there. Sitting it out for two years is not going to be good for anyone.

Irish family law is such that your wife will very likely get the right to occupy the family home until youngest is 23 or even own it outright no matter what you do. Is that just or fair? That's for another thread.

You are lucky to have €400k of a holiday house to either live in full time or you could sell to move closer to where your kids are. I'd try and focus on a solution where you best use this €400k of housing wealth, move on with your life, and try to have as good a relationship with everyone as possible.
 
@DannyBoyD - I don't disagree, I have little experience of family law.

I just think that sitting it out is not going to be good for anyone short or long term, and wealth preservation should be subordinate here.
 
Yeah I'm inclined to agree with this. The suggested approach will deepen divisions and increase acrimony - ur kids won't thank you for it, and it may make child number 2 relationship irreconcilable longer term.
 
mrbongos said:
We have started separation, just had our first mediation meeting where my wife stated she wants me out of the house ASAP.

I'm not sure of my legal standing. From what I've heard, if things escalate to courts, it can be claimed that I have deserted the family.

Also, I believe the mediation process will last longer now that I would be a thorn in the side.

Where do I stand do you think? Would I be in legal danger if things really escalated if I've chosen to leave home without a separation agreement?

Thanks for reading
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Sorry you're in this tough situation.

Why should you move out? It's a serious question.
Why doesn't your Wife move out - again a serious question.

I wouldn't be going anywhere without having agreement in place & written up & signed by both parties that whoever moves out it is a good faith move without prejudice.

Do not voluntarily put yourself on the back foot - you could find yourself as an indentured servant for the rest of your days.
 
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NoRegretsCoyote said:
@DannyBoyD - I don't disagree, I have little experience of family law.

I just think that sitting it out is not going to be good for anyone short or long term, and wealth preservation should be subordinate here.
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Should it be subordinate though? The kids are 16 & 18 & as such are on their way to independence. This path to independence may involve outlay on their 3rd level or other further education that will allow them to stand on their own 2 feet. Subordinating wealth preservation may well cascade detrimentally to the next generation because the family finances took a financial kicking.
 
mrbongos said:
main house ~750K with >100K mortage,
a holiday home ~400K we own outright,
shares, pensions and some cash.
Likely outcome after 50/50 split + maintenance is wife and kids stay in main house, I'll keep holiday home, may need to find rental place in Dublin or else commute occasionally from holiday home.
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Be thoughful about how you split the liquid assets - Shares, pension & some cash.
If you liquidate all these in order to effect a clean 50/50 split then the proceeds will be subject to CGT for both of you.

If on the other hand you take a considered approach you both may be able to keep a portion or your full 50% slice invested until such time as you actually want to liquidate your 50% slice.

For example shares are worth 250K & pension is 200K - don't assume that you must encash both to effect 50/50 split in cash. Consider your options to split them intelligently. Maybe you keep the pension intact in your name. She gets the shares + 50k in cash or similar such work up.
 
Horatio said:
Why should you move out? It's a serious question. Why doesn't your Wife move out - again a serious question.
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Me moving out is basically the only viable option as one of the kids isn't talking to me. In normal circumstances she could also move out, to remove the tension, but right now, for my situation the only way to remove the tension is for me to go (children have to stay in the home). Now, that's if it makes sense for me to go.

Horatio said:
I wouldn't be going anywhere without having agreement in place & written up & signed by both parties that whoever moves out it is a good faith move without prejudice. Do not voluntarily put yourself on the back foot - you could find yourself as an indentured servant for the rest of your days.
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This is what I'm thinking. I need to get an agreeement in place, if I go. Also, I know if I go everything will slow down as there would be zero need to come to any deal from my wife's point of view. Once I'm gone she'll end up in a happy position, no need to work, spends her time looking after kids, I'm gone so no thorn in her side and the only blot on the horizon will be what she is being pressured to do for the mediation/separation which will feel even worse to her while back to happiness with kids.

Hard to know for sure. I know some who have left the house before mediation and have said that they think this was the right move and they were able to come to a less problematic deal in mediation because there was less resentment. I don't feel that will happen in my case
 
Anyone know how many messages you need to post until you can start a conversation with another member?
 
Horatio said:
Should it be subordinate though?
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I mean his own wealth preservation, but you're correct that aggregate wealth should be maximised to the extent possible too.

Horatio said:
Be thoughful about how you split the liquid assets - Shares, pension & some cash.
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There will be no CGT on the pension if part of the divorce settlement. There would simply be an adjustment order where the wife would be entitled to a portion of it in due course.

But CGT on the holiday home could be material if the OP want to sell and buy a house in Dublin.
 
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