Separating from wife, looking for advice on housing

[LS400]

Whilst anything is possible, that wouldn't make sense in Jumbods financial position. The primary goal for most people would be to off load the mortgage as soon as is possible. Its human nature

If the person lost their income, ran into financial difficulties, i can see the merit of spreading the loan out to as long as possible.

Why would the Wife take on her Husbands liability under these circumstances, I can only assume with separation and divorce looming, thinks could get quite nasty.

The one card I see the wife holding, is that, as that Jumbod seems quite a decent sort of skin, she will be are of him limiting the kids distress, as in, reluctant to force a home sale..

 

[Brendan Burgess]

Whilst anything is possible, that wouldn't make sense in Jumbods financial position.

I am confused. What "that" are you referring to?

The OP has told us that his mortgage is €30k.
He said that he has aggressively paid down his mortgage which is consistent with a low mortgage.

If you think that this was the wrong strategy, so be it. But he wants advice on what to do now and not on what he should have done.

Brendan

 

[LS400]

I am confused. What "that" are you referring to

Having a a €30k Mortgage loan drawn over 29 years.... Doesn't make sense to me....

 

[RedOnion]

The cleanest approach would be if AIB were prepared to lend her the money to buy you out.

Yes, it seems the cleanest approach based on information provided.
However, typically there needs to be at least a separation agreement in place before a bank would issue funds, so this is a bit away for the OP.
The other option is to jointly buy a 2nd home as a 'holiday home', and switch it to a PPR when separation is being finalised.

It's a case that would be worth discussing with a busy broker where they might be able to speak with bank underwriters without disclosing names, etc.

 

[RedOnion]

Having a a €30k Mortgage loan drawn over 29 years.... Doesn't make sense to me....

And yet the OP is just one of thousands of people with such mortgages. But we digress from the question the OP asked.

 

[misemoi]

OP if you hadn't paid down the mortgage then the money might have found another home. So it was safe there and earning interest at your loan rate and you now have excellent equity that hopefully you can release.

 

[jumbod]

Thanks again for all the responses. Everything I have said about the mortgage is accurate. I aggressively paid it off early as generally I'm quite adverse to debt (although my current situation will require me to go in debt again), it was a 35 year mortgage so I have been overpaying it for 6 years, not a 30 year mortgage someone else mentioned. I brought up having the wife bye me out of the house and it didn't go down well. I think my wife has been very comfortable the last few years and it was always me that paid the mortgage (with the odd lump sum sent by her) and she didn't like the idea of suddenly being 250k in debt.

I work from home and with 3 children I really need a minimum of a 3 bedroom house, even in a less desirable area I would need minimum 400k remembering distance to the kids school being a deal breaker for me. Right now I am looking for a professional mediator to try get a separation agreement drawn up ASAP as without this it looks like it will be impossible to progress things further. I have currently put a single bed in my office and am sleeping there but the arrangement of staying in the house isn't sustainable.

 

[LS400]

I brought up having the wife bye me out of the house and it didn't go down well.

Its this very situation I'm referring to in my previous post..

How some posters think the wife will be amenable to taking on such liability is baffling, Its easy to say such things when your removed from the early stages of separation.

 

[Purple]

@jumbod, I'll say it again; do not move out. Once you do you will be at a massive disadvantage and may lose your relationship with your children.
You need a legally binding agreement in place before you go. Even if you end up in a position where a court forces a house sale that will take years and you could spend that time never spending a night under the same roof as your children.

 

[DannyBoyD]

get a separation agreement drawn up ASAP

You need to disabuse yourself of the notion that any of this will go quickly.

Be prepared for anything from 1 to 2 years and another couple of years for the emotional fallout.

This entire process will gouge 5 years out of your life.

 

[Flybytheseat]

Right now I am looking for a professional mediator to try get a separation agreement drawn up ASAP as without this it looks like it will be impossible to progress things further.

When I was in a similar situation to you it was very amicable at start and we both thought we could we could go down the mediation route. Things change very quickly though when you get into the financial details of the split as each side is essentially fighting for survival. It was clear mediation wasn't going to work in my case partly because my ex wife wasn't very financially savvy and she needed professional support to convince her that what ever offer was on the table was fair. Once she engaged a solicitor things became formal and strained straight away and demands became more and more unreasonable. Thankfully I'm happily divorced now (divorce terms were consensual and drawn up by my solicitor) for the past year and a half and still have a relationship with my kids and I'm still on friendly talking terms with my ex wife. I gave up the family home which was mortgage free, bought and paid for before I got married and in my sole name in return for my ex wife waving her claim to most of my pension benefits (believe pension adjustment orders can only be executed as part of a divorce and cant be done in a judicial separation so thats why we went straight for full divorce) . I managed to buy an apartment with the cash assets from the split and things are progressing nicely and I have a good living as do my ex wife and my kids. Feel free to PM me if you want any further details of our final agreement such as maintenance terms etc. as I found there was no reference source out there was to what was fair and usual in Ireland.

 

[Ryan]

She has a right to stay in the family home until the kids reach 18.

I would first get a legal separation then look at buying your own place, you want to prevent her having claim to half both houses.

 

[jumbod]

Just want to update everyone here, my wife and I managed to pull things together and although everything isn't a fairy tale we are trying our hardest to make it work. I think this is the best outcome I could have hoped for and just want to thank everyone who gave input on my thread. If anyone else is reading this in a similar situation feel free to pm me if you want. Thanks,

 

[Pilot123]

I thought that top-ups were just for home improvements. This suggests that you might get one in your current situation.

What is a top-up mortgage?​

Are you thinking of some home improvements? Or perhaps you want to help a family member buy a new home or you need to pay inheritance tax on a property? If the balance of your current AIB mortgage is less than the current value of your home you may be able to release the equity in your mortgage, to help with expense and more. You can:

I doubt a top-up mortgage is accepted by any lender on a family home at separation or divorce time, as once married the family home is protected by the Family Law (amended few years ago) and is owned by both partners (regardless if both partners are registered or not on the mortgage or only one of them and regardless of the fact that one of the partners took the mortgage before marriage in their sole name .. and regardless of who paid the mortgage and the percentage of how much each partner contributed).

I have a recent example, at separation time, when one of the partners who took the mortgage in the first place in their own name only, before the marriage, wanted to buy the other's half out by paying the other partner, half of the value of the property (minus what was still owed on the mortgage).
The lender (AIB) closed down the existing mortgage and opened a completely new mortgage, but only when a signed separation agreement and a deed of waiver were produced.
The two documents (voluntary separation agreement and a deed of waiver) where the base of AIB approving the new mortgage, where the property rights where clearly stated as "not a family home anymore" and not protected by the Family Law anymore, as the two partners were now legally separated, so the ownership rights have transferred by voluntary agreement to the person buying the other person out, the moment the other person receives the money and they also vacate the property.
The kids where to move out with the partner who was leaving the property, all clearly stated in the voluntary separation agreement, among a lot of other details of the separation itself.

Obviously a solicitor had to be paid to cover the conveyance, a process identical/similar as to taking a new mortgage on a property and same full costs and fees applying.

When a voluntary separation agreement and a deed of waiver can't be finalized between the two partners, a decree of judicial separation document or a decree of divorce document (issued by the family court) has to be produced instead to the lender.

The lender looks to be particularly sensible at the terms of separation when they deal with the property rights and a family home property under the Family Law makes no exception.

I hope my post makes sense and will help someone else, when they are doing their own research, in the context of the family home and separation or divorce, when one partner is looking to take a mortgage against that property and buy the other half out.