Separated spouse wants me to pay half their rent

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colin79ie

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Early days of separation and wife is moving out. I offered to go and couldn't find anywhere, but she got lucky.
Anyway, rent is 1000/month and she insists I pay half.

All bills were always paid from my salary, everything including college bills and a new set of college bills in September, so 2 in college to be paid for.
I can't afford to pay her 500/month.

There appears to be no reasoning or logical thinking on her part so I probably need legal advice anyway.

Just wondering if it's part of the process to pay such bills for separated spouses?
 
We own our home with a small mortgage remaining.

2 kids, 23 and 19. One has a year left in uni and one starting in September.

Uni is currently costing 1000/month for accommodation and everything else. I work away during the week so renting a room Mon to Friday also.

Wife salary around 18/1900 per month, no bills .
 
ClubMan said:
It's all down to meditation, negotiation (with legal advice most likely), or - ultimately - the court/a judge.
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I understand that but this is very early days. There's a 3 month wait for mediators.
Ultimately we can't afford to pay for another household, but she's going anyway
 
colin79ie said:
Wife salary around 18/1900 per month, no bills .
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Well she's going to have all the usual bills if she moves into a separate house.

You need to get legal advice on all issues pertaining to the separation/divorce in my opinion if this split is likely to be a permanent one.
 
Just to add a bit of humour to what I realise must be a difficult time.....
You should be pleased that your wife is being so accommodating, pun intended, to move out to a tent:)
However the rent seems quite steep for same:(
 
It's difficult and you must look at all of both of your expenses.

If you have a rent-free house and she is paying rent, then you should be paying rent, all other things being equal.

Look at it another way, if you had moved out, you would be paying the full rent. That does not seem fair.

Brendan
 
Thanks.
I (from our joint account which only my salary goes into) pay the mortgage, around 850, all other household bills, health insurance, life insurance, car insurance , college fees, my own seperate mon-fri room rental of 450, and have nothing left each month for any savings.
She has her own salary...and little or no expenses currently.
It just seems a little unfair to me
 
colin79ie said:
Thanks.
I (from our joint account which only my salary goes into) pay the mortgage, around 850, all other household bills, health insurance, life insurance, car insurance , college fees, my own seperate mon-fri room rental of 450, and have nothing left each month for any savings.
She has her own salary...and little or no expenses currently.
It just seems a little unfair to me
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I would have to agree with you on this. You are covering all costs and your wife's half of the mortgage should be €425. If she chooses to leave then its on her. If you left would she still expect you to pay the full mortgage even if you are not there?

While I have no experience of separation/divorce they are rarely amicable and it would appear this maybe a sign of things to come for which I am sorry for your situation.
 
Is there any scope, physically or psychologically/emotionally, to create separate living spaces in your family home? From a strictly financial perspective, spending €30 or €40k a 1 bed garden room would rapidly pay for itself. Although if you're separating it's probably not really viable to remain at such close quarters.

More generally, the best advice would be to reach agreement on the separation as early as possible and as amicably as possible, even if there's a significant financial cost to that. It's no value to you to spend years of your life and tens of thousands of euro in order to save a few euro on maintenance or get a few euro extra from the sale of the house. Never mind that the stress involved from fighting it out for years with your estranged wife will inevitably adversely affect your relationship with your kids.
 
colin79ie said:
2 kids, 23 and 19.
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Your children, whilst still in college, are essentially adults.
Your wife is going to have to get used to paying for her new life herself fairly sharpish.
Common sense approach you pay your own accommodations and bills and everything child related split 50/50.
Whether the kids like it or not, they are of working age so its not unreasonable for them to play a part in their own upkeep, you do want to raise self sufficient adults after all.

It's not possible to run two households like that anymore with the way the cost of living is, you want out, no problem but do it yourself, strong independent woman and all that lark.
 
I'm sorry to hear the break-up news, it's never easy. In your case, he logic escapes me.

Your wife decides she wants to separate and lands you with a bill of €500 a month, for me this does not compute, in any way.

Geographically I don't know how you, your wife, and the children are divided, but is there any means of sharing the multiple accommodations you seem to need. Collectively you seem to be renting three places, paying a mortgage on the home and now another rent bill is foisted on you. It needs a long hard chat with a large in-chat dose of reality for some.
 
colin79ie said:
It just seems a little unfair to me
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Clearly, she will have these expenses now that she moves out. I would suggest that you focus on the now instead of what has been happening for the last couple of decades. My income for the past 17 years has been a fraction of what my husband's has been. If we were divorcing, as much as he might point out that he has paid for most of the things during the period, I would certainly put forward the argument that we took these decisions together and we somewhat had different roles.
Note: we don't have separate finances so I pay for stuff but realistically about 20 to 25 per cent of them.
She would certainly have to pay for herself in the future. However, looking at the rent separately of the rest of the finances is somewhat futile I find. Are there savings involved in the household?
Has she got saving if she hasn't contribute in the running of the household?
 
Unfortunately there's emotional stuff going on which is making it harder. I'm being told it's temporary 'space' but others are being told it's permanent.
That doesn't change the reality though.

Savings aren't huge, about 15k which was for university. Small CU account of 5k .

Her account is not being shared with me yet. I suspect there's savings. I also suspect that cash is being 'saved' elsewhere...to keep the account low etc.

I have never had any issue paying everything while she raised kids, went to education, but I don't see why I should now pay for half the rent so that she can maintain her lifestyle while I scrape along.
 
If she's not paying half the mortgage on the existing property, it's an easy no on paying half the rent on her new place for the current state of things. Don't over stretch yourself cash flow wise.

The trickier piece is going to be down the line unlocking her half of the asset value of the family home if you stay put long term.
 
colin79ie said:
Her account is not being shared with me yet. I suspect there's savings. I also suspect that cash is being 'saved' elsewhere...to keep the account low etc.
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Everything will have to be divulged, on both sides,, if/when it comes to doing affidavits of means/welfare as part of the separation/divorce process.
 
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