Secret wedding- would you be offended if not invited

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Whatever you do don’t ask an opinion! I did and my parents got very upset when I said beforehand I was going abroad for a holiday and planned on getting married. Before we could say no we ended up getting the full Irish wedding with the parents planning and paying. If I had it again I would have gone and said nothing.
 
If its being held in Ireland, then some noses may be out of joint - but with weddings so expensive for guests, you'll find most will be very happy they were not forced invited to the wedding.

I would invite both sets of parents for a "meal" and surprise them by having the wedding ceremony at the same time and they can be the witnesses. Many hotels and golf clubs have status as wedding registries, so no need to go to a boring registry "office".

Other option is to get married abroad on a planned trip. - Vegas in a helicopter over Lake Las Vegas with photos at the grand canyon is an option and then an evening in a restaurant back home with family members.
 
Agree do not ask an opinion, be very clear in plans.

I am assuming there is consistent approach here - not one rule for one set of parents, and another for the other - that would hurt.

Do tell parents ahead of time of your plans - a surprise is an unplanned (Vegas?) style wedding. A planned disappearance intentionally leaving out closest family is different, for most families.
 
Another factor to consider is whether any siblings have had the whole 'big wedding', that likely got the big wedding bug out of the system for any parents involved
 
I'd have the wedding you want at the registry office with 2 strangers off the street as witnesses if necessary. I wouldn't invite anyone I knew and that way nobody can whinge about being left out. Even if you bring 2 friends, it will give family a chance to be offended. We had the big wedding in the 90's with relations we hadn't seen in years, neighbours and friends of our parents, etc - it meant less room for friends we might have invited otherwise. If I had to do it again I'd choose your plan of the registry office and no guests. If my kids choose your plan I will be happy for them, whether they tell me before or after. Best of luck with it all whatever you both decide.
 
Do a day trip to Copenhagen and get married while you're there.

Marriage in Denmark - Heiraten in Dänemark

Bineli
in-daenemark-heiraten.de

Who cares about what anyone else wants or how they react. It's your occasion and nobody elses. If they get thick with you for not having your day the way they want it (including whether they are present at all) then they're not worth having there anyway— and that applies equally to parents, siblings, extended family and friends. Our wedding involved precisely zero consultations with anyone and we've never regretted that.
 
ClubMan said:
no sensible person on the street would casually act as a witness for a marrying couple unknown to them.
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Why not, it would be up there with going to the post office and asking them to witness / sign a document for you or a Garda signing your passport form.
Strangers sign legal documents all the time for strangers. This is no different.
 
Sarah Ryan said:
Strangers sign legal documents all the time
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I think we should start an AAM poll:

Have you ever signed a legal document at the request of a person completely unknown to you?

Thumbs up for yes

Thumbs down for no

Laughing emoji if you think the mere notion of doing so is bonkers.
 
DannyBoyD said:
Have you ever signed a legal document at the request of a person completely unknown to you?
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I don't see what is so funny?

I had to go and get a document signed for my husbands job to state we were living together so that I could access the free travel benefit and free doctor as we were not married at the time.

I went to a solicitor in the town with drafted letter and they signed it for me after we explained the situation. I had only moved there weeks beforehand, I was not a local, I was from 70 miles away with no family there.

He didn't know me from Adam but he signed the form for me? I am sure stuff like this happens all the time. As does strangers being witnesses for weddings.

State Savings accounts to change your name or personal details has to be witnessed by somebody?
'Please ensure that you sign this panel in the presence of an independent witness which must be any one of the following; A Post Office Official, Member of An Garda Síochána, or a practising Solicitor / Commissioner for Oaths'
 
T McGibney said:
He should have had the common sense both to ask for and keep a copy of your ID.
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Yes we provided all that and the email from HR from my husband's job stating what was needed.

But he was still, a stranger to us, we had never met him before, as is the case with a lot of people needing forms signed by commissioners of oaths etc.
 
Once he had your ID, it didn't matter to him so that you had never met him previously, because that was now irrelevant.

A random commoner on the street will be unlikely to know how to establish your identities to the point that they are covered if it turns out later that you have misled them.
 
T McGibney said:
A random commoner on the street will be unlikely to know how to establish your identities to the point that they are covered if it turns out later that you have misled them.
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Well identity doesn't need to be established in terms of the original post, re to be a witness at a registry office wedding.

It happens a lot, that I know from assessing the process when organising my own wedding. You just need to ensure the witness is over 18 years of age, to have id on the day is not a requirement.
 
Sarah Ryan said:
Well identity doesn't need to be established in terms of the original post, re to be a witness at a registry office wedding.
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Well obviously, but in the event of a witness being pursued by the law for unwittingly facilitating an illegal sham marriage, it would be most helpful to have copies of provided ID, which was my original point here.

But all this is off-topic.
 
DannyBoyD said:
Have you ever signed a legal document at the request of a person completely unknown to you?
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The devil I would say is in the details or the type of "legal document"

When it comes to this discussion about picking two strangers from the street to witness your marriage
All their really doing is witnessing that the ceremony took place and that both parties agreed to marry each other as in say "I do"
I don't think there would be any legal wrong doing if the marriage was a scam
but would presume if they have witnessed many, then that might be a different story all together
 
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T McGibney said:
but in the event of a witness being pursued by the law for unwittingly facilitating an illegal sham marriage
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The registrar is responsible for that, the witness can't be pursued in the instance of sham wedding. They do not issue the licence, they are only there to observe.
 
Sarah Ryan said:
The registrar is responsible for that, the witness can't be pursued in the instance of sham wedding. They do not issue the licence and are there only to observe.
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That may or may not be the case, but anyone with an ounce of wit won't want to expose themselves to even a remote risk of being dragged into such a mess, all to suit complete strangers.
 
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