Relationship breakdown

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
My girlfriend wants to break up with me and wants me to move out. My dad gave me land 11 years ago which we built our house on.
The land was valued at 150,000 at the time and we got a mortgage for 210,000 to build.
We have 2 children together which will be staying with her, any advice on this situation? We are both on the mortgage but only my name on deeds
Thanks
 

Thirsty

Registered User
Messages
3,649
As you did not marry, the Family Home Act does not apply; however you are obliged to provide for your children and your former partner will have acquired equity / rights in regards to the property and any other joint assets.

Can you buy out her share? Can you sell the house? Is there sufficient equity to provide separate homes for your children and yourself once the mortgage is cleared?

Alternatively, she could move out and you could be the primary carer for your children.
 

Deiseblue

Registered User
Messages
808
Surely in the circumstances outlined by you the decision to move out or not lies with you , perhaps that would be to your advantage in negotiating a division of assets.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
The most important issue is to make sure the boys have a stable home so she can stay there with them and ill have to move out, i am prepared to pay the motgage in full but can she take half of the house if we ever sell? I am currently on 35000 per year and she doesnt work so is on jsa
 

Clamball

Registered User
Messages
333
Hi Dave, it is great that you and your partner are putting the stability of your boys first. Yes your partner would have a lot of equity in the house, probably 50%, as you both brought a lot to the partnership. You the land and you were probably both working so both contributed to the mortgage.

So now you have to split one household into two. You sound as if you will rent a place? Will you be able to afford the mortgage, rent and the costs associated on your salary? Is there a possibility you can split up and stay in your current home?, move back in with parents? No matter what both you and your partner will be poorer due to the split.

If you do end up selling the house, how much will you each get? Say there is €180K left on mortgage, house is worth €220K, you sell, you both end up with €20K and need to find two new places, not a lot for either of you.
 

Brendan Burgess

Founder
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45,788
Hi Dave

Clearly you need to speak to a solicitor now to get their advice on the whole lot.

I imagine that the final agreement is going to be something like this.

1) You move out
2) She stays in the house
3) You pay the mortgage
4) She maintains the children
5) When the children are 21 , the house is sold and the proceeds split evenly.

But you will need that in writing now. Don't have an understanding about it.

Your negotiating position could be that she moves out when the kids are 21 and you get the house back, 100%. But I doubt that she would agree to that.

Brendan
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
Thanks for the replies, as it stands the house is valued at about 350000, would i have more of a stake in it though as father gifted me the site to build on and i solely applied for planning permision which was very hard as it is in the gaeltacht, she would never have got planning as she is not from the area. I think that was why only my name was on the deeds because otherwise she would of had to pay capital gains tax which we couldnt afford
 

niceoneted

Registered User
Messages
2,005
how much is owed on the mortgage? could you sell and both have substantial deposit to buy a property each.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
About 200000 left on mortgage, but id hate to have to sell the house as i hoped it would be inheritance for the kids
 

Thirsty

Registered User
Messages
3,649
When the children are 21
It would be 18 or 23 if in full time education.
..hoped it would be inheritance for the kids
That's along way away & not really important right now.

What you thought your life might be has been completely turned upside down.

Unsurprisingly, that's the hardest part for most couples to get to grips with.

Focus on the immediate future; you're right to make the children the priority.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
How would it work with motgage repayments and bills etc, i work full time but she doesnt work would it be split 50/50 if i stayed in the house and then have seperate bank accounts?
 

Buddyboy

Registered User
Messages
727
And from reading about countless similar relationship breakups over the years, both here and on other websites, my advice would be to get an independent third party mediator involved . They will see things, and raise issues built on long experience. Things that either you will not see, or that are to emotive to be dealt with rationally and fairly.
This would include visitation rights, financial details, issues like what if she, or you, meet someone else/get married/have children. What if she wants to move across the country, or countries? Is the maintenance going to be ring-fenced for the children? What if she gets a job, or marries a millionaire?

It sounds horrible, but what you agree to now will affect you (all) for a long time to come.

The fact that your girlfriend wants to separate and wants you to move out sends up a red flag to me, that this isn't a 50/50 or mutual decision.

And get the agreement in writing.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
I mean if we both stayed in the house together with the kids but have seperate lives as such
 

Buddyboy

Registered User
Messages
727
I mean if we both stayed in the house together with the kids but have separate lives as such
Your very first sentence is at odds with this.
"My girlfriend wants to break up with me and wants me to move out "

I think my points above stand. Get independent third party mediation.
Otherwise
How do you organize this arrangement?
What if you want to bring a girlfriend home, or she a boyfriend? How do you explain to the children?
How do you organize separate finances? If you are paying maintenance, but are in the house, who pays the bills/groceries? What about holidays?

I don't have any answers to the above, just the recommendation.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
Ok thanks everyone for your help and advice im in turmoil here and dont know how to handle this
 

Futurelookin

Registered User
Messages
90
Ok thanks everyone for your help and advice im in turmoil here and dont know how to handle this
Hi Dave.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It seems as if your girlfriend is instigating this and it's not your wishes. You must feel really upset. Added into the issue is the family land and house location to complicate matters. The first thing you need to know is not to make any decisions in a hurry. Be aware that you're not the first to go through this and there is a template as such as to how this can play out in different scenarios. Your situation will be covered by law under the CIVIL PARTNERSHIP AND CERTAIN RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS OF COHABITANTS ACT 2010 http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/2010/act/24/enacted/en/html

Please don't do anything without receiving legal advice. You may be tempted to reach an agreement to secure continuity for the children but wait and get all the facts first. This does not rule out mediation also / later but you need to know your entitlements and obligations before you decide anything. It's your home also and they're your children. In many (maybe most) similar cases, the partner who is the primary carer will stay in the home and an arrangement will be made between the two parents for maintenance, access, mortgage payments etc. If they can't be agreed by the parties, they will be set by the court. Maintenance and family matters may be progressed through the district court. As you aren't married, you won't need a judicial separation, or divorce agreement but you will need to make proper provision for the dependents and the best outcome for the children will be any courts (and should obviously be the parents) primary concern.

Often times, one party may remain in the property until the dependents reach 18 (or 23 if in full time education) and thereafter the property will be sold, with the proceeds split according to agreement. It's important to note that you don't have to agree to move out or to anything else until you've had independent legal advice at which point you can decide if you do, or she does or both do.

In terms of staying under the one roof and leading separate lives - it does happen - usually when a couple cannot afford to run two properties. However, it's usually not best advised long term as it's difficult to move on and create new lives and old tensions and squabbles can make life miserable. I hope that won't happen for you as you are obviously a very concerned and responsible father and that you are able to make a new start for yourself once you get through this.

Get a solicitor and take your time. Good luck.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
If i was to try and buy her out of the house would it be half the amount of morgage already paid over last 10 years or would i have to pay her half the amount of the current valuation? Total Motgage was for 210000 25 years still remaining, current value of house is around 350000 this was because it was a self build and site worth 150000 was given to me by my dad
Thanks
 

SPC100

Registered User
Messages
955
I have no experience in settlements.

350 value - 200 mortgage remaining leaves 150k equity.

So max to pay to buy her out would be 75k.(fifty fifty split)

But as you supplied land at 150k. Min to pay might be 0.

I hope you can make something work for you kids and your ex partner.
 

Dave46

Registered User
Messages
13
I have no experience in settlements.

350 value - 200 mortgage remaining leaves 150k equity.

So max to pay to buy her out would be 75k.(fifty fifty split)

But as you supplied land at 150k. Min to pay might be 0.

I hope you can make something work for you kids and your ex partner.
Ok thanks for your help
 
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