refuses to take child

  • Thread starter cookiedough
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cookiedough

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hi i was just wondering can anyone help me out on my rights here? my childs father takes him on a saturday nite but mainly just leaves him with his granny.but he has another child with someone else who he takes 2 nights a week. he has agreed to take my child a second nite a week but never does. If i was to bring him to court can he be made to take him another night a week. He always has lame excuses has to why he cant and he knows i have no one who can help me out with my son so really i think he is doing this has a control thing with me has he is not very happy i no longer want to be with him
 
Weird! Usually it's the father who wants more access to their child, not the other way around. Do you really want your child to be spending any time with someone who clearly does not want the child, never mind more time? I certainly don't think it would be a good idea to try and impose more time on the father as to be honest I'd be more concerned about the welfare of the child.
 
No if it was that way i wouldnt i do no he loves his child and he does say things like hell take him from 6 to 7 one evening a week but that doesnt leave me with any time which i know is what he is trying to do.I dont have any family to help me and i would really like to get back to work even if it was just a evening a week. im just wondering would a judge consider theese things and take into account the fact he takes his other child another night a week.
 
I've always been told by my solicitor that no point asking for the father to take child more (in court) as no judge will force them to take the child...
(I have tried to get my ex to take our son more but to no avial..)
 
That just seems ridiculous to me so men get to run away from there responsibilites its hard enough being a single mother the courts should really do more
 
cookiedough said:
he loves his child and he does say things like hell take him from 6 to 7 one evening a week
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cookiedough have a read of what you wrote again! If he really loves this child he'd want to have custody of him a heck of a lot more than for one hour a week! I think you might be deluding yourself here.
 
Ceist Beag said:
cookiedough have a read of what you wrote again! If he really loves this child he'd want to have custody of him a heck of a lot more than for one hour a week! I think you might be deluding yourself here.
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I agree.
You say in your first post he leaves the child with his granny on saturday nights, this doesnt sound like a man who is interested in spending time with his child.

With regards to help for you to have some time to be able to work an evening a week, could you not approach the granny yourself and ask her to help out here considering her son wont? Alternatively can you ask the father to share costs for childcare one evening a week so that you can work?
 
cookiedough said:
That just seems ridiculous to me so men get to run away from there responsibilites its hard enough being a single mother the courts should really do more
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Having a child with someone is an enormous risk. As so many people find to their horror or indeed, when it works, to their great joy that it has worked out.

I really do not understand how you could expect a Court to order a father to (a) love their child more and (b) take the child more. How would a Court enforce this? It may be something of a "nanny" state but it does not go that far.

Its a hard, cruel , nasty, horrible lesson. If people do not want to do something that involves an emotional attachment and a time commitment, then nothing and nobody ( bar themselves) will make them do it. And hard as it is, your function as a parent is to keep the peace , do your best by your child and let the child, in adulthood, work out their own relationship with their parents.

mf
 
I am not deluding myself by saying he loves his child has i said in a previous post he uses it as a control thing over me meaning as long as i have the baby he knows were i am.

I do not expect a court to make him love his child more but what i was asking is has he takes his other child another night would the court not see that he is not taking the baby to control me.
It just seems that everyone has the attitude that fathers can make babies and not take full responsibilty im sure if this was a mother we were talking about peoples attitudes would be completly different
 
truthseeker said:
I agree.
You say in your first post he leaves the child with his granny on saturday nights, this doesnt sound like a man who is interested in spending time with his child.

With regards to help for you to have some time to be able to work an evening a week, could you not approach the granny yourself and ask her to help out here considering her son wont? Alternatively can you ask the father to share costs for childcare one evening a week so that you can work?
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No he wont share costs he gets plesure out of the fact i dont work making smart comments about how il never have anything. and i dont want to ask the granny myself i think its unfair on her to involve her. so basically i have to let this man control my life
 
If you have no family around you at this time, have you got any friends that are in a similar situation to you instead? Maybe a job-share arrangement could work or you mind their child one night and they mind yours another.
 
I do have friends with young kids to but they all have there familys to help out with there kids so they dont really understand the situation im in.
 
cookiedough said:
No he wont share costs he gets plesure out of the fact i dont work making smart comments about how il never have anything. and i dont want to ask the granny myself i think its unfair on her to involve her. so basically i have to let this man control my life
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I know a girl in a very similar situation and she DID go to the granny and ask for help, and got it, not only that but when the granny realised the lack of help from her own son she must have given him an earful as well because he became more compliant and started taking the child more. It will embarrass him if you involve the granny - she can only say no, its worth a try.
 
You need to talk to his mother on this one. Otherwise you are going to be left in the same situation for some time.

You could also drop in on him sometime when he is with her/friends, leaving the child with him and letting all and sundry know what a s**t he is being.
 
You don't have to let this man control your life.
Take control yourself.
Can you find a place in a community creche while you do a training course or find a job, even part time?
Can you move closer to friends or family that can help? Is there a friend who is a stay at home parent and would help you out with child care for a small fee to get you on your feet?
I wouldn't hesitate about moving, even if it's a distance: if the man wants to see his child he will. If he challenges your move in court, it will only highlight the fact that he doesn't see the child as often as he could/ should.
Bottom line, you are left holding the baby, literally, so make it work for you, and don't allow this guy to control you or hold you back. It can be done.
 
mf1 said:
Having a child with someone is an enormous risk. As so many people find to their horror or indeed, when it works, to their great joy that it has worked out.

I really do not understand how you could expect a Court to order a father to (a) love their child more and (b) take the child more. How would a Court enforce this? It may be something of a "nanny" state but it does not go that far.

Its a hard, cruel , nasty, horrible lesson. If people do not want to do something that involves an emotional attachment and a time commitment, then nothing and nobody ( bar themselves) will make them do it. And hard as it is, your function as a parent is to keep the peace , do your best by your child and let the child, in adulthood, work out their own relationship with their parents.

mf
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Really excellent post.
 
Im goin to presume the 2 people above dont have children you talk about it like its a contract not a human being
 
why would you want to force the child on someone who doesn't want to have them.You should be thinking of the child as a loved treasured person,i wouldn't allow my children near someone who was reluctant to care for their wellbeing.
 
I am not forcing the child on someone who doesnt want them has i have said the reason he wont take him is more a ontrol thing with me then a lack of love for him. And i do very much think of my child has a loved treasured person my child has all the love and care in the world from me.And i dont think it makes me a bad mother for wanting my son to have a relathionship with his father. I grew up myself with no proper parents around so im only tryin to give my son a life which involves both parents
 
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