Please help - parents in dire financial situation

W

WorriedSon

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My parents are in a desparate state financially. The marriage is not too good anyway but the cash worries have strained it even further. I'm 24 by the way, living at home till I buy a place in the next 6-9 months, pay them €250 rent a month.

Father (F) & Mother (M) are 60 and 58. F is a college lecturer on about €65,000, M primary school teacher on about €25,000 (only for last couple of years) but will be out of work come September.

F has announced that he wants M to sign for a €10,000 credit union loan on her TUI account. Says this is to pay off credit card loans (6.5k) and just get them by as they are broke. F does not seem to spend much on himself (drives an 88d banger) but is clearly incompetent when it comes to finances:

Mortgage is currently 120k on a house that was bought in 1985 for £55,000 Irish Punt. Remortgaged frequently I think as recently as 1.5 years ago, but lacked the foresight to refinance all loans into the mortgage (and pay accelerated payments to pay loans off over same period of time as present, thereby truly saving on APR). House is poorly maintained as he refuses to spend major money on it to refurbish. Currently worth ~€450,000 as its a 4 bed in Dublin.

In 2000 took out a £10,000 loan to buy shares. Had just missed on Baltimore and didnt want to miss out again. Must admit, some shares were for a dotcom company I worked for - he bought in, sold and made some cash, price dropped, bought in again after asking me if I thought they were going places. I was 19 but still feel guilty about this, but surely the mistake was his breaking the golden rule of investing with money you cant afford to lose.

Still paying off this and several other loans it appears. Finances not clear as they cannot have mature discussions without arguing, and he takes control of it all...and makes mistake after mistake it seems.

Anyways, he has told M that she better sign the loan on her credit union account or she can get out. He actually opened the door and told her to leave. It then emerged that he had taken a 10k loan last June from his TUI credit union account to pay off credit card and service other loans it would appear. He opened a Anglo Irish Bank account for this money and told noone and named noone as beneficiaries. Very underhand, but says it is his right. Told M that he could buy a ferrari based on the house if he wanted, she couldnt as he would stop her. M has wanted to sell for a good while, F is dead against. As marriage is not good maybe a divorce is called for.

Would M be entitled to half the house? What else?

I got M to ask F to talk to a financial advisor as its clear he is putting good money after bad (6.5k credit card loans?? and this after paying off a big cc loan last year??). F refuses point blank, demanding that she signs loan today or gets out. M asked F to speak to me on it as I have a bit more of a clue and think by refinancing based on the house in the right way (i.e. paying accelerated payments to actually save on APR) a solution can be found. Would they get an additional ~€25,000 top-up on mortgage at this stage of their lives? He has good pension setup (though refuses to get life insurance) and will get a lump sum plus annual payments when he retires in 5 years (mortgage currently due to complete when hes 65).

Please can you help or advise on this dire situation? Many thanks.
 
do they not realse you are the son, they should be worrying about you

good luck witht eh house purchase

your dad im afraid needs a slap, pure and simple,

he wants to drag down his wife into the financial quagmire he created,

you have to stand back and point out what is he going to do when your € 250 dries up?

every son has to stand up as a man at some point and be counted, now's your time

good luck
 
Where to start... sounds like another query that is as much relationship as finance based:



In relation specifically to the financial aspects of this query the ideal situation would be for them jointly to address the debt and financial issues perhaps by contacting MABS or something similar:



However, in practice it sounds like this will be difficult if not impossible given the state of the relationship.

> he has told M that she better sign the loan on her credit union account or she can get out.

This won't really wash as your mother has certain statutory property and tenure rights by virtue of the fact that they are married - particularly if it ever came to separation or divorce:



> Told M that he could buy a ferrari based on the house if he wanted, she couldnt as he would stop her.

Is the house in his sole name?

> Would M be entitled to half the house? What else?

See above.

> As marriage is not good maybe a divorce is called for.

I guess that's for your parents to decide between them or individually? Certainly sounds form a far from happy situation at the moment and the way you present things your father sounds like a right bully.

> Please can you help or advise on this dire situation?

Sounds to me personally that the relationship has broken down and if there is not chance of any sort of reconciliation and/or any cooperation in order to deal with the financial issues then it may be time for them to consider whether or not to separate/divorce. If they can't agree then one or other of them may need to act unilaterally to deal with the situation.
 
independence

Perhaps you could persuade your mum to talk to MABS (or some other advisor) just as a starting point. I feel that she needs to be fighting her corner as well and informing herself about her rights and entitlements as well. I may be reading too much between the lines and I'm really sorry if this causes offence, but I think you need to try and make sure that she realises that she needs to get some control of this situation and not just pass the responsibility on to you. If she is used to a domineering male controlling all the finances then she could fall into the trap of feeling she will always need a man to control the finances. If she's very unsure you should help her as much as she can but it's important that she realise the importance of her own independence and actually undertake some of this research herself. All easier said than done I know but maybe just something to bear in mind.

Good luck.
 
I wouldn't be so quick to write off the relationship, despite the ultimatums issued by F. He is almost certainly bluffing, and is showing all the desperation of the losing gambler. There is no way M should sign for the loan or get out of the house. It is then back to F to decide what to do.

I can't see how they can do anything sensible about the financial situtation unless/until they sort out the relationship. Unless they both really, really want to sort out the finances, it just won't work.

M should do everything in her power to take control of any joint assets/cash she can. Move the cash to accounts which he cannot access.

Their overall financial situation isn't really that dire. Their net worth is considerable, given the value of the house. However, it will be difficult to them to realise this value. Remortgaging should be considered, but only when their is a clear intention to get spending under control.
 
parents finances

"F does not seem to spend much on himself (drives an 88d banger) but is clearly incompetent when it comes to finances"

I just can't believe this. He might not be into conspicuous consumption, but an income of €65k and a slew of loans all suggest that he is blowing money on something. Another woman? Gambling?

Obviously I cannot give any useful view on your parents' specific situation, but by way of general observation, people who are misbehaving are generally doing so (in part) because they can. If those around them are enabling this sort of behaviour, it will continue.

Without actually divorcing, is there anything your mother can do by way of getting a solicitor involved?
 
Re: parents finances

Maybe if they are to stay together, a compromise would be for M to get the loan in return for F cutting up his card and agreeing to talk to someone like MABS.

If they are not to stay together, she should get an injuntion preventing him from spending any extra money besides that which he needs to get him by - but they may need to be seperated.
 
Baltimore

Most financial institutions will allow a top up on a mortgage to age 70. So your M & F should be able to avail of this. Unfortunately I think that this will only solve the immediate problem but not the long term problems that appear to have been caused by your squandering father.
You strike me as a nice son, very concerned about your parents. However they are both adults and responsible for their own actions. Even your mother who should have put her foot down years ago must take some of the blame. I think a family meeting is needed to clear the air and make decisions. After that live your own life.
Incidentally if its of any consequence I lost €1000 on Baltimore.
 
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