People with Money Problems

Discussion in 'Mortgage arrears & negative equity case studies' started by Sidetracker, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Sidetracker

    Sidetracker Frequent Poster

    One of the corner stones of helping people with money problems is getting them to accept that the problem is usually of their own making, and get that out of the way. Dont waste energy following false hopes. It is even more important to constantly impress on them to address the problem of drawing down on easy money from their Credit Card, or two. If there is none of your money in the Credit Cards take the hardest step, cut them up. Eliminate the urge to use them.

    Having read all of the "Money" posts, I have not seen any advice to people to address this problem. Anyone who dares to raise their head above the parapet is usually met with silly or caustic comment from the "Frequent Posters". This is counter productive. If people request advice then the advice given should be taken in good heart. It dosent have to be followed, But there is no need to shoot the messenger.
  2. mf1

    mf1 Frequent Poster

    Take ownership of the problem.

    However, a lot of the time people are overwhelmed by the sheer enormity of the problem and that is why they tend to prefer the easy sounding posts.

    I think, though, you will find, if you stick with this Board, that most of the Frequent Posters - particularly the very Frequent Posters will go with the "there, there but you still have to address the problem" responses.

    And I could not agree more with the "Dont waste energy following false hopes" idea but you can see how persuasive the idea is that there is an easy way out.

  3. liger79

    liger79 Registered User

    Some people come here as a first step to see what can be done for their situation. What they need is advice, assistance and to be pointed in the right direction. Not to be scolded like children that have done wrong. I can imagine some people in awful debt who are so worried they feel unable to talk to friends, family or approach the bank/cc company etc. They post on here, asking for advice and some people slam them for getting into that situation or add anything constructive.

    If a faceless computer screen does that for someone how willing do you think they will be to ask for help from anyone/anywhere else?
  4. hippy1975

    hippy1975 Frequent Poster

    I agree with liger, the focus needs to be on what they can do to improve the situation, nothing to be gained by blaming people or pointing fingers
  5. Marietta

    Marietta Frequent Poster

    Most people who come on are very genuine, deeply worried and filled with anxiety, I dont think a poster should wade in immediately and blame them for their problems. There have been one or two posters in recent weeks who have posted here full of anger and felt the world owed them something and anytime someone offered somthing constructive they got shot down, those posters are coming here for the wrong reasons and are unwilling to accept responsibility or face up to their problems.
  6. elcato

    elcato Moderator

    As a frequent poster I can say I have never used the words 'there there' prior to mentioning the above. I have suggested creating a website called or and redirecting people there rather than come here and start whinging at people not being sympathetic in their advice. Perhaps we should make this a sticky and direct any such replies/posts to it?
  7. Shelleyb

    Shelleyb Frequent Poster

    A bit of empathy never hurt anyone, it's the first step towards encouraging another human being towards their own autonomy.
  8. elcato

    elcato Moderator

    Neither a borrower nor a lender be. For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
  9. MandaC

    MandaC Frequent Poster

    I disagree with you on this one. I usually find the frequent posters are more realistic and less likely to mollycoddle people.

    MF1 is 100% correct - take ownership of the problem.

    Posts such as "I know I was irresponsible but the bank should not have given me the money" don't wash with me whatsover. No, YOU should not have spent the money.

    Show me a person who has never made a mistake. Everything can be fixed. There is no need to crucify yourself but sometimes you need to acknowledge you "ballsed up" - lesson learnt! What is wrong with standing up, taking the blame for your own actions, then going right, that's where I am....this is where I want to, how do I get there? If you are too busy blaming someone else, you are not working on getting practical help for your problem. People who shy away from taking 100% responsibility for themselves will always have some problem or another.

    It's not about lack of empathy. Bad situations happen to good people all the time. It's how we approach it and handle it that shows what we are made of.

    If I was in financial trouble, the last thing I would want is "poor old you". That's not going to put food on the table.