Parenting advice - start child in school at 4 or 5?

J

j26

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I'm in a bit of a dilemma at the moment.
My daughter is 4 in August, and we are currently debating whether or not to start her in school in September or to hang off another year.

Some points in favour of sending her

  • She has done an assessment in her creche/playschool and they say that she is ready (she's on the same level as another girl who is 9 months older).
  • Her 2 best friends in the creche are starting school this year (one of them in the school she will be going to), so I'd be worried that she will feel she will be held back, and get bored or disruptive
  • She has the opportunity in later years to repeat the leaving.do transition year, and still be relatively young finishing education.
  • I started school when I was 4, and did okay

The main point in considering holding her back is her age - at just barely 4 I'd have concerns about how she would handle being the youngest in the class, even though she is tall, and her emotional maturity.

Many people are saying hold her back, but I'd be afraid that if we do that, it would stifle her development.

We have a baby due in June/July, so there is also the question of whether she would see being sent to school as her being ignored for the new baby, or whether she would see it as her moving on to new things and now she's the big sister with a whole new set of responsibilities.

Any opinions?
 
Id send her if I were you.

If she has friends who are also ready for school then I dont think she would be less mature than other kids in the class (there is a wide variety of maturity amongst kids of the same age anyway so I wouldnt worry about that).

She will have an opportunity to travel or work for a year between school and college if she feels like it without starting college at a late age.

If she is ready for it then let her at it!
 
my daughter had just turned 4 (August as well) when she started school. We live in London. everything has been fine and i would say that i would notice the difference at the moment now that she is 9 in year 5 (equivalent to 4th class in Ireland). she struggles a bit with maths but paying for tuition and teachers say this is a development issue because of her age. if she had started school when she was 5 then i feel she would have had the upper hand. as we intend moving back to ireland when she has finished year 6 then she will go into 6th class in Ireland instead of going to secondary school which i think will really benefit from. on the other hand my other daughter started school when 5 (Oct) and she is having a much easier time (year 3 now) - equivalent to 2nd class in Ireland and is top of her class. from my experience, i would say wait till she is 5, whats all the rush about anyway?
i started primary school myself when i actually hadnt even turned 4 (I was 4 in the Sept) and looking back I think it would have been more appropriate to send me when i was 5 instead. everyone in my class was a year older than me which is a long time in a childs development.
 
Many people are saying hold her back, but I'd be afraid that if we do that, it would stifle her development.
Click to expand...

some thoughts on this.

We had the same issue 2 years ago and were quite worried about it, our daughter was 4 in sept, we held her back til last sept and were glad afterwards as while we werent sure at the time, over the extra year she stayed at home it wasnt til the following feb/mar that we thought she was definitely ready.

Balance stifling her development with enhancing it by only sending her when shes ready.

She'll make new friends very easily so dont worry about that.

If you decide to send her, keep talking to her about the school coming up long before the baby comes and she wont see it as being pushed off. Again we have that same poser now with 3rd due next week and our 2nd starting school in sept. We keep telling her shes starting in sept and shes all excited so hopefully will balance any dilution of attention with new baby coming.
All basically down to you though, every child is different and only parents will know if theyre ready.
 
I have never met a teacher who would recommend sending a 4 year old to school.
I have never regreted waiting until 5, despite both my kids being well able for the work in montesorri. Thats not the issue.

She will always be the youngest in the class, this may not be a problem now, but what about going to secondary school ( the leap from primary to secondary is a hard one for lots of kids), choosing leaving cert subjects, doing the leaving, choosing a college course .......
 
Have you checked with the primary school that they have a space for your daughter? The decision to send her this year or not might be out of your hands if the school can't provide a place.
 
I think you should send her little girls a very much advanced than boys of 4yrs. Before anyone thinks I am been horrible I have 3 boys under 6 yrs
 
I started school at 4 (but was 4 the previous April) and left school at 17 (didn't do transition year). I had to repeat the leaving to get the course I wanted in college and by the time I left college I was 23.

However most kids do transition year now & if she wanted to do it or had to repeat the leaving it might help her to be the year younger. Also if she wants to do a long course in college and doesn't start till she 5 and does the transition year & maybe has to repeat the leaving she could be 1) older than other people starting in college & 2) older by the time she finishes education.

From she the assessement she sounds mature enough to start school. Also if her 2 best friends start school & she doesn't she might feel left behind.

Also as the previous poster said check that the school has a space for her.
 
My advice (and its only my opinion) would be to leave her for another year. We did'nt and really noticed the difference when our son started in secondary school.

I also think it would also be much more traumatic if you had to hold her back at some stage in Primary School because she was'nt coping!
Keep her at home with you for another year and cherish every minute of it. At least next year there will be no question or doubt in your mind!:)
 
I'm not a parent so can only give advice as someone who was 4 starting school and 16 doing leaving cert (17 shortly afterwards).

I always thought it was an advantage - from racing the girls in the class the year under me in school sports :) but more importantly gave me a few more years to play with after leaving college. I manage worked professionally for almost 4 years and still go travelling by the age of 25.

The only time I ever found it a disadvantage being younger than my classmates was when I spent a summer on a J1 visa in the states and I couldn't legally drink (from a parent's point of view that is probably a plus) - still it taught me to be a little ingenuous!
 
Like a lot of things this depends on the individual but I would err on the side of caution and hold her back. She will be in class with some girls who are nearly a year older and at that age a year can make a lot of difference.
 
We sent our son at 4 and he got on fine, but the teacher recommended that we hold him back in 5th class as he wasn't really mature enough for 2nd level - we had our doubts about holding him back - dent his confidence & all that - but we took the advice & it was the best thing for him. I don't regret sending him so early to school, he was well able for the first few years (and he said only "babies" go to playschool). I don't have any girls but in the main, girls do seem to take school more seriously than most boys - judging from friends experience, so why not let her go & assess the situation as she progresses?
 
I sent my daughter in at 4. I feel it was a mistake. She had to stay back in 5th class as she wasstruggling and it just seemed like she wasn`t as "mature" as the girls in her class. Her teacher also mentioned this was possible as a result of going into school so young. So decision was - she had to stay back a year. She didn`t appreciate that at all...
 
We had the same dilemma last year. Our daughter was 4 in July. The childminder ( a HSE reg minder with over 30 years experience) said she was ready for school. There was a place at the school. The teacher advised against. Lots of different people said yes or no. I was 4 when I went to school myself but I had older brothers and sisters so was used to dealing with older and other children. My daughter is the oldest of two so she doesnt have the ssame exposure.

In the end I booked the place in school for her and waited until just before term started to make the decision. When the time came I thought it was best to keep her back another year. I am happy with my decision and know that she will be ready this year for sure. I think as her parent that you will intuitively know your own daughter better than anyone else- listen to advice, yes, but at the end of the day you are the best judge.
 
i can only say i was just 4 starting school and believe i was not as emotionally intelligent as my classmates when i got to second level in particular - as in picked subjects to be with friends for an example and I feel I am not as confident as i might have been.
If you book her into school send her for the first day and then take her our then the school counts her on the roll for numbers so the teacher may thank you for it!
 
My twins were 4 in the July and I started them in school in September, playschool said they were well capabable. I truly believed that in their first 3 years at school that the teacher would suggest holding them back. I checked at the end of each year and no teacher would recommend it.

They are now in 6th class, the youngest in both classes and in the top 3 pupils.

They go into first year next September and I thank God that the local Secondary had decided to introduce transition year this year.

They were not too young to start school but they would have definitely been too young to finish school without doing the transition year.

My eldest was 4 in March and started the following September and she was always very bright and mature and still is. My only problem now is as a 15 yr old girl in 5th year, she is constantly with friends who are 16 and near 17. It can be a tough one sometimes but due to me sending her to school at 4 and others were 5 in her class, these are now her friends. This age gap doesn't matter when young but when they get to teenagers it makes an awful difference.

I have 2 younger sons, 1 will be 4 in March and I am fighting with myself every day. He so needs school but I really dont want to end up in the same predicement as my other 3.

Not too bad with boys, but when it comes to soccer, hurling and football he plays a year younger than all his friends!

Not an easy decision and best of luck with whatever you decide.
 
I would definitely say wait if you're considering a national school. I spend some of my work time in national primary schools and have done some analysis of the national mathematics and reading tests. It is noticeable how often the kids with the lower scores are younger on average than those with the higher scores.

If you're considering a private school your child stands a better chance insofar as it is easier to repeat a year in a private school, however national schools are allocated teachers on the basis of pupils enrolled and therefore they are reluctant to hold a child back. If a child starts Junior Infants and are not able to cope and need to repeat the year, it means that the next year of Senior Infants has one less, and also there is one less place to offer in the incoming Junior Infants class.

Something else to consider is that it's not just about how intelligent your child is, the motor skills are very important, and it's hard to watch a child who is much younger than most of their classmates trying to deal with what should be a simple task like cutting out a shape on card. They end up way underperforming on much of the artwork which is a large part of the Junior Infant year.

By the way, the child your daughter is being compared against may not necessarily be performing at the national average. I wouldn't advise reading too much into a comparison against one child.

Lastly, although it seems a long way away now, when your child reaches 6th year, her friends will be having 18th birthday parties, often in places where alcohol is served, and your daughter will be far and away too young to go to these parties, which may well leave her feeling resentful.

Provided you keep her well occupied in the meantime, waiting another year will, I believe, be far preferable than starting her off in a situation where she is finding school difficult from the get-go.
 
Dicette said:
can only give advice as someone who was 4 starting school and 16 doing leaving cert (17 shortly afterwards).
Click to expand...

Ditto! Was beginning to think I was an oddity going by this thread. I spent 4 years working and living abroad before I went to college and so had a much better idea of what I wanted to do when I got there. And I enjoyed college life to the full, without getting 'lost' or having problems adapting - great social life and good grades. Although I wasn't old enough at 20 to be a mature student, I was more mature than many through my life experience.
 
Worth thinking also of the other end.
Children in 6th may be "growing out" of Primary Schooling if older or more mature than their peers at this stage. It can be a difficult time for them [and those surrounding them!].
 
I would wait. Seen the difference last May in my husbands niece whos five months off eight years making her communion, too young beside all other kids, not as much cop on really and finding school work difficult. My daughter born four months after the niece only making communion this May at eight plus five months. Asked two national school teachers this question, both said wait (unless the school need the numbers and child can always stay back). Hope this helps.....

As for second level, it becomes quite evident which first year is nearer the 12 years of age mark than the 14 mark.
 
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