You know why he refused. You are giving him the benefit of the doubt but he does not deserve that.Now this is the man that has brought over 200k debt in to my life... Why did he refuse ?.
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply .Hi,
I'm very sorry you find yourself in your situation. I would say this is not a money problem but a relationship problem. You have joint finances with him, but he does not have joint finances with you. And he knew perfectly well why he was getting the 8K limit on the CC.
From what you say, he's putting his hobby above the financial stability of his family.
If he is refusing to attend counseling to try to save the marriage, what else is left to try?
Maybe others with more experience in such cases can offer some advice
hi thanks for taking the time to reply and to the other posters .. I find some days so hard as I feel I have taken one step forward in the relationship and now ten steps back. Money in my life is constant stress and worry due to level of debt he has gotten into . My salary each month goes into joint account where all bills are paid including his debt .. now clearly he has potentially a sold account which I knew existed but never saw a Bank statement and was told nothing in it . Also the explanation for cc was business expenses were put on it but balance as far as I know has not been cleared down . I have 3 amazing children and am doing everything for them but so hard when I feel is not been honest. If there was nothing to hide then show me the banking app ??..Hi there Finance1, to echo another poster you really are a hero. Amazing achievement to have come so far in 12 months with that level of debt.
You know why he refused. You are giving him the benefit of the doubt but he does not deserve that.
His actions are clearly telling you where his priorities and intentions lie.
His actions are still dishonest and risky.
This is a worry. I’m sorry to be so blunt but when my husband was fooling me I overlooked so many clues that in hindsight I wish I didn’t. Those clues were opportunities for me to dig deeper and confront what was happening. For lots of misguided reasons; I kept my head in the sand.
You have the choice to do something about his behavior or not.
In 5 years where would ignoring his behavior potentially lead you and the kids....more than likely in a place you don’t want.
You deserve honesty, and if he is not behaving with integrity then why not, where are his values?
You deserve more and you can’t make him behave differently but you do not have to accept dishonesty again.
Best of luck, stand strong in your power
Is his hobby gambling, because that's what's screaming at me from your posts. My husband has a Paddy Power account and he does his bets on the phone. He doesn't have a gambling problem though.My salary each month goes into joint account where all bills are paid including his debt .. now clearly he has potentially a sold account which I knew existed but never saw a Bank statement and was told nothing in it . Also the explanation for cc was business expenses were put on it but balance as far as I know has not been cleared down . I have 3 amazing children and am doing everything for them but so hard when I feel is not been honest. If there was nothing to hide then show me the banking app ??..
You are really hurting and it does not seem fair at all. Thank you for sharing, it is a painful place to be in.
I was similar to you in that I was left to settle a PG from my husband’s liquidated company. We lost a lot even friends. He made bad company decisions and hid so much from me before it imploded. I had to find out myself like you ...firstly, become suspicious, being fed tales, being stonewalled and eventually I made calls and confronted him with evidence. It was desperate.
However in order for our marriage to continue new baselines were agreed and I had to see him genuinely address his behaviour and change his ways.
The hurt from financial betrayal is terrible. You are right to feel so much pain
Thanks so much for all your posts and your honesty ... and taking the time .. You have done an amazing job yourself !!.. Wishing you the very best ..Honestly no, I do not trust him with money.
I trust even less that he will resist falling back into the same way of thinking that led to his mistakes.
So I manage all the money now. He hands it all over. It’s transparent he can see what I do with it. I returned to work. My career break to spend time with the kids was the worst period of my life facing bankruptcy etc. Panicking that I had left a good job frantically trying to secure another feeling like such a fool. That precious time we both agreed I’d have at home with the kids he robbed from me too.
Getting through it and learning to forgive, accepting what is, moving forward takes time and acceptance was key. I had to just let go of what was lost and be present. He genuinely is doing the best he can to make amends. That is important to me too.
It is a really lonely place to be too. So reach out to either a really solid buddy or a therapist x
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