New will, divorced, one child is autistic

[dubdub123]

All i have to leave is my home and whatever comes back on insurance
I am divorced and recently moved house (this house is in my name only for mortgage and deeds)
1 child is an adult and lives away. Have 2 other children, and the 16 year old has just received diagnosis of autism.
Oldest child will be getting married soon.

At present, will leaves everything equally to my three children. One of the reasons is that two of them are minors.

But now with an impending marriage Im not sure it makes sense to leave my oldest in the will in this way, as then her portion of the house would make up her estate. My main priority is to ensure that my other two children have the house. Maybe split any additional money equally between them.

Anything that I should consider? 16 year old is autistic. Any special considerations in relation to this as part of will?


Thank you

 

[Ravima]

If you have a forthcoming marriage, then congratulations, but you need to consult a solicitor and discuss the future. You will need to make provision for your wife (and any subsequent children) as well as your other three.

 

[dubdub123]

If you have a forthcoming marriage, then congratulations, but you need to consult a solicitor and discuss the future. You will need to make provision for your wife (and any subsequent children) as well as your other three.

Sorry, i dont think I was clear in my post. Its my oldest child who is getting married (not myself).
Obviously if she is down to inherit 1/3 of my estate, then it would become part of her estate in the future. I want to avoid any messy situations down the road, if she's part owner of the house.
My main priority is to ensure my other 2 children have stability.
I will chat to my oldest and speak with a solicitor also.
It may be cleaner to leave house to other 2 and split any other assets between the 3 of them.
There may be other considerations due to my son being autistic.

 

[Feemar5]

Where are the two younger children living now - with you or with their other parent? Sometimes leaving a property between a family does not always work out as some want to sell and some want to hold on, especially if it is the family home. Either of the other two children could get married in the future so I think it would be unfair to leave your daughter out just because she is getting married shortly. Could you put in a clause that if the house was sold your autistic son would have to be accommodated - perhaps in a smaller house or a flat in the area. All depends on property prices at the time.

 

[dubdub123]

Where are the two younger children living now - with you or with their other parent? Sometimes leaving a property between a family does not always work out as some want to sell and some want to hold on, especially if it is the family home. Either of the other two children could get married in the future so I think it would be unfair to leave your daughter out just because she is getting married shortly. Could you put in a clause that if the house was sold your autistic son would have to be accommodated - perhaps in a smaller house or a flat in the area. All depends on property prices at the time.

They both live with me and spend time with other parent.
That's true that either could get married in the future alright.
My initial concern is that once oldest gets married it immediately complicates the situation. The other two are 16 and under, so not an immediate concern.
Im not so concerned about an even distribution of the estate, as oldest is in different stage of life (working full time, planning to marry) wheras others are minors, so their needs are greater right now.
My aim at minute is to have a will that deals with next few years.. ill most likely update it again at various life events.
Interesting idea about a clause to ensure son accommodated.

 

[hazelgreen]

You need to think of guardians for your minor children. Maybe consider creating a trust to be realised at a certain age? Why should older child being married matter? It would be normal to exclude her spouse should she go before him but usual for her share of your estate to go to her children if any. If her marriage failed she might be in need of support down the road.

 

[dubdub123]

You need to think of guardians for your minor children. Maybe consider creating a trust to be realised at a certain age? Why should older child being married matter? It would be normal to exclude her spouse should she go before him but usual for her share of your estate to go to her children if any. If her marriage failed she might be in need of support down the road.

Im not sure how I could exclude her husband. Say if i pass away and she inherits 1/3 of my estate then if she died or they divorced thst would be part of their joint assets. That could cause real issues down the road. Similarly leaving 1/3 to her future children could put my own childrens stability at risk.
My childrens other parent is alive, but we should discuss guardians in case something happens to us both.
A trust for the children may be a very good idea.
My primary concern is to ensure youngest two have a home, and funds to see them through for a number of years. I would absolutely be priotising this ahead of potential grandchildren.
I may look into right of residence for my oldest daughter, so she also would have a home if need be.

 

[Clamball]

Do a will for the next 5 years, or until all your children are over 23?

Leave the house to the 3 of them with right of residence until youngest is 23 then order house sold and proceedings split 3 ways. This protects youngest until they are out of full time education and protects eldest but delays her share if the worst happens.

Once the youngest is 23 then make a new will. You will know a lot more about the autistic kids ability to support himself by then.

 

[hazelgreen]

I think it is common to leave family money to the blood line and that would exclude the spouse of a child. You can have whatever you specify in your will. There is also the matter of your child separating from the father of the grandchildren who will then have rights over those children should the mother die before the children are adult. A trust is a device to protect the children's interests.

 

[dubdub123]

Being honest Im thinking i would only want to leave house and any moneys to my own children, but not to potential future grandchildren or son in law.
But how would that be possible to setup? I dont see how it is in the case thst i leave share to my daughter, and then if she passed away, wouldn't it be down to her to distribute her assets.
In the future, if there are grandchildren their own parents will have insurance themselves to best cater for their needs

 

[Monbretia]

Even assuming nothing happens to your children, once you leave them the money then it's theirs to do with as they wish. Your daughter for example might decide to spend it all on herself, she might decide to spend it on her kids college education or she might decide to buy her husband a very expensive present! Either way you can't control it at that stage as it's hers.

Not that it's just your daughter that the above applies to, could be your son either, I'd hate to see that old idea that only the sons should inherit the bulk of the estate and the wife's husband will inherit from his side which in theory benefits her. Old and all as that idea is I have seen it within the past few years and it caused untold upset when will contents were revealed!

 

[Clamball]

I wouldn’t worry about controlling your inheritance to your daughter from beyond the grave. When you pass away and she gets her portion then hope that the values you instilled in her as a child will guide her to do what is right for herself and her current family, (husband and potential children).

 

[dubdub123]

Even assuming nothing happens to your children, once you leave them the money then it's theirs to do with as they wish. Your daughter for example might decide to spend it all on herself, she might decide to spend it on her kids college education or she might decide to buy her husband a very expensive present! Either way you can't control it at that stage as it's hers.

Not that it's just your daughter that the above applies to, could be your son either, I'd hate to see that old idea that only the sons should inherit the bulk of the estate and the wife's husband will inherit from his side which in theory benefits her. Old and all as that idea is I have seen it within the past few years and it caused untold upset when will contents were revealed!

The idea is not that my son will inherit bulk of estate. His younger sister will inherit the same as him. Their needs (as children not yet out of school) differ significantly to the needs of my older daughter (where herself and partner have strong careers). There are additional considerations as my son is autistic and a high percentage of autistics are unfortunately unemployed or under employed, and he suffers with severe anxiety. Outside of the house any assets may be split evenly, but i want to ensure he has a home.
My oldest daughter herself would not force sale of house, however any future dependents could.
I find it bizarre that you honed in on sons getting bulk of estates as its totally irrelevant in this situation.

 

[dubdub123]

I wouldn’t worry about controlling your inheritance to your daughter from beyond the grave. When you pass away and she gets her portion then hope that the values you instilled in her as a child will guide her to do what is right for herself and her current family, (husband and potential children).

If i leave her any money, I dont actually mind at all cwhat they do with it.
My concern is that at present the house and moneys are to be split evenly across the three of my children.
If they all own the house, then oldest daughters portion goes into her estate. Thats my concern as I dont want the house to be sold as I want to ensure that my son has a place to live. He struggles immensely with anxiety, people interactions, decision making. I feel that I certainly need to consider that in any new will.

Very interesting to hear peoples opinions and it really goes to show how unique every single situation is. As i look to modify my will, one thing that I will do is keep my oldest informed of any changes. Also ill encourage her to make a will (as ive done previously).

 

[Brendan Burgess]

But now with an impending marriage Im not sure it makes sense to leave my oldest in the will in this way, as then her portion of the house would make up her estate. My main priority is to ensure that my other two children have the house. Maybe split any additional money equally between them.

Anything that I should consider? 16 year old is autistic.

I want to avoid any messy situations down the road, if she's part owner of the house.

My main priority is to ensure my other 2 children have stability.

My aim at minute is to have a will that deals with next few years..

The idea is not that my son will inherit bulk of estate. His younger sister will inherit the same as him. Their needs (as children not yet out of school) differ significantly to the needs of my older daughter

1) Wills are temporary. You can update your will as circumstances change.

2) Avoid messy situations. A house owned by three people is messy. If that means excluding your eldest from the house, so be it. It sounds as if she does not need it.

In particular, it would be messy if two children own it jointly with their sister's widower.

3) What happens if you die tomorrow? Presumably the other parent will look after the two minor children?

4) I presume that there is some mechanism - a trust - whereby you can leave the house in trust to someone who might not be able to manage their finances themselves - so that the trustee looks after them and makes sure that they don't sell the house and buy Bitcoin with it.

Brendan

 

[Brendan Burgess]

Just reflecting on this further.

Have you considered leaving everything to your ex?

Presumably they will be more concerned than anyone else about the welfare of their children.

Brendan

 

[Sarenco]

I think there might be too much focus on “the” house.

The minor children will obviously need to live somewhere, with an appropriate guardian, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be “the” house.

 

[Clamball]

I think there might be too much focus on “the” house.

The minor children will obviously need to live somewhere, with an appropriate guardian, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be “the” house.

Sarenco is right, you are too obsessed on the house going to your three children equally.

You want to leave your house and cash assets to your three children equally

You want to protect the rights of your underage children.

You want to ensure your autistic child is protected and has a house to live in for the rest of his life.

All of these three things are great but in conflict with each other. You know this because you have said you want to leave your daughter 1/3 of your house, but you also want her to do the right thing by your autistic son and not sell her 1/3 of the house. And you worry if she dies her future husband and children will sell. Your daughter may have need of that asset herself for her future family, there could be all sorts of emergent needs, redundancy, illness, court costs, that you cannot anticipate.

So (1) you need a will that appoints a guardian to your younger children until they turn 18 or 23 if in full time education. Your best person is probably their father. You can leave all assets to each equally, perhaps the 2 youngest will go live with their father, and he can keep the assets in trust until they need them. It may involve selling the house and giving each their third but you will be dead and should not worry about it.

(2) Once the autistic kid is an adult then make a new will. And if you main priority is ensuring a house to live in the leave him everything. Explain to your other two the reasons why. They may or may not understand but that is life.

Leaving your oldest daughter 1/3 of your house but expecting her never to use it or sell it is just bananas. There is no point leaving it to her at all and it ties her into paying 1/3 of the costs of home ownership, getting rent from those who live there, becoming a landlord, paying tax, so complicated and a real headache for the rest of her life.

Maybe the house will be in the wrong location for the autistic kid as he ages, maybe he would prefer to live somewhere else. You cannot predict, and do you want to be controlling how your kids live their lives from beyond the grave?

Would the cleanest option be to sell, divide all assets equally and let each child decide how they want to use the money themselves. Maybe the autistic kid with the advice of his sister and father will purchase a house/apartment that suits his needs, and or he may move to live with a relative and use the inheritance to fund his lifestyle.

 

[Brendan Burgess]

Leaving your oldest daughter 1/3 of your house but expecting her never to use it or sell it is just bananas. There is no point leaving it to her at all and it ties her into paying 1/3 of the costs of home ownership, getting rent from those who live there, becoming a landlord, paying tax, so complicated and a real headache for the rest of her life.

Absolutely agree. If she had any sense, she would disclaim it.

 

[dubdub123]

Just reflecting on this further.

Have you considered leaving everything to your ex?

Presumably they will be more concerned than anyone else about the welfare of their children.

Brendan

Absolutely not an option. This person does not pay maintenance and shirks every financial responsibility that he can. He brought us to absolute breaking point during divorce proceedings and did not care what happened to our home (telling us it would be repossessed). He received a lump sum as part of divorce which he quickly ran through.
He has no relationship with oldest child and while he has regular access with other children and big part of their lives, I could not trust him near any financial decisions. Loving your child and being responsible regarding their future financial welfare, unfortunately do not always intersect.