New job but planning a family.

[homeowner]

I have just started a new job which is going to be very high pressured and long hours, almost a 24/7 type job where you have to be available and contactable even on holidays. Its paying extremely well which is why I took it. I am planning on starting a family in 2008 and thought that I might as well earn as much money as I can so that in say 2 years time I can take a few years off work and use the savings I have made in this job to see us through with only 1 salary.

The thing is this job is pretty serious and I am a pivotal part in getting a new team up and running. In 12 months time I will be well and truely ensconsed in the role and will be relied on heavily. Getting pregnant and taking 6 months maternity leave is not going to go down well with work given that my job is so important to the success of what they are trying to do. The thing is I feel really guilty already. I know what is coming down the line and I know I am essentially going to be off for 6 months next year. I simply will not be able to continue in this role with a small child and I wont have the interest in being on their beck and call all hours of the day and night as I will be up all hours with the child I presume.

I am only in the new job 2 weeks and i feel like a fraud. If i quit now at least they can get someone else (yes ok a man who wont leave in 2 years or go on maternity leave for 6 months) to do the job. If i stick it out i feel like I am duping them but I will give them 100% while I am there.

Any advice? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? Any women out there in similar situation? Is this why there are so few women in high paying jobs?

 

[pat127]

I have just started a new job which is going to be very high pressured and long hours, almost a 24/7 type job where you have to be available and contactable even on holidays. Its paying extremely well which is why I took it. I am planning on starting a family in 2008 and thought that I might as well earn as much money as I can so that in say 2 years time I can take a few years off work and use the savings I have made in this job to see us through with only 1 salary.

The thing is this job is pretty serious and I am a pivotal part in getting a new team up and running. In 12 months time I will be well and truely ensconsed in the role and will be relied on heavily. Getting pregnant and taking 6 months maternity leave is not going to go down well with work given that my job is so important to the success of what they are trying to do. The thing is I feel really guilty already. I know what is coming down the line and I know I am essentially going to be off for 6 months next year. I simply will not be able to continue in this role with a small child and I wont have the interest in being on their beck and call all hours of the day and night as I will be up all hours with the child I presume.

I am only in the new job 2 weeks and i feel like a fraud. If i quit now at least they can get someone else (yes ok a man who wont leave in 2 years or go on maternity leave for 6 months) to do the job. If i stick it out i feel like I am duping them but I will give them 100% while I am there.

Any advice? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? Any women out there in similar situation? Is this why there are so few women in high paying jobs?

Is it okay if a man gives a view? Firstly, the company is extremely lucky to have someone as conscientious as you are. Your loyalty is to be commended. Secondly, people change jobs all the time, for whatever reason and companies expect it. Thirdly, companies aren't slow to let staff go when the need arises. Lastly, much as we would like to wish that they will, our personal plans don't always work out exactly as we'd like.

Keep your job I say, do your best and let the future take care of itself.

 

[Blinder]

I agree with Pat.

Who's to say that even if you were a man that you'd stay past the 2 year mark? Maybe you'll get a better offer for a job with better pay and less stress?
Give it 100% while you can, and let the further take care of itself.

If we all were to take the view that we are going to have children in future so it's no use doing the best job we can, then we'd all be stuck in dead end jobs.

If however, you are having second thoughts about the job and if it is even worth the stress and overtime and affecting your life for the next year, that's a different story...

 

[aircobra19]

Everyones replacable, and anything can happen in 2 yrs. Whos to say you don't have a baby sooner or later than you plan too? Natures funny like that.

 

[rmelly]

no matter how indispensible you think you are, you will always be replaceable, so don't worry about it.

 

[Alias]

The thing is this job is pretty serious and I am a pivotal part in getting a new team up and running. In 12 months time I will be well and truely ensconsed in the role and will be relied on heavily. Getting pregnant and taking 6 months maternity leave is not going to go down well with work given that my job is so important to the success of what they are trying to do. The thing is I feel really guilty already. I know what is coming down the line and I know I am essentially going to be off for 6 months next year. I simply will not be able to continue in this role with a small child and I wont have the interest in being on their beck and call all hours of the day and night as I will be up all hours with the child I presume.

As others have said, you are replacable. Everyone is replacable. Also, you don't 'know' that you will be on leave 6 months next year. Anything can happen in between - money problems or problems conceiving (it doesn't usually happen on the first try!), that could postpone your decision. Don't give up a good job based on something that MIGHT happen in a year or two. And maybe in a year or two the position will be well established, and you won't have to work the same hours. Then you could keep the job and the small child!

 

[Welfarite]

agree with above 100%. Keep the job adn give it your all for as long as you can. You feel guilty because of your plans to have a family but what woul dhappen if, say, you broke a kleg and were off for 6 months? would you feel guilty too? Go for it, girl!

 

[terrysgirl33]

Hi Homeowner, congratulations on the job!

All that follows is my opinion, so feel free to ignore it if it doesn't suit you.

If you are involved in setting up a project, and you have to take a break in 18 months or two years time, then part of your job anyway is going to be doing the work in such a way that someone else can walk in, see what you were doing and keep the project going. If, G*d forbid, you were diagnosed with cancer next week, or a close family member became ill and needed care, or any of a hundred unlikely things happened, then you would possibly have to do that. Sometimes it can feel that being under 40 and a woman, you are somehow taking the soft option by swanning off to take maternity leave, but there are many reasons you may have to leave a job!! Remember as well, that at least with pregnancy (all going well), if you wait until you are 12 weeks pregnant to tell the company, then the company will have 6 months to sort out a replacement or maternity cover, if you break a leg they have no such opertunity.

As for continuing with a 24/7 job after having a baby, I have to say that job sounds like a nightmare. I find that children take a lot of energy, and it isn't fair to come home from work so exhausted that you don't have the energy to deal with them. However, when/if you get pregnant then you will have 8 months to get used to the idea, and 6 months of maternity leave before you have to make the decision whether to continue with this particular job or not. Again, if you have set things up so that someone else can take over, then you can walk away from the job with no regrets.

The other thing to consider, is that you may have problems getting pregnant, and also that you may not have problems getting pregnant. If you have a plan (be it ever so vague) as to what you will do if you get pregnant imediately (yes, it does happen) or if it takes 12 months or more to get pregnant, then at least you are a bit prepared. While you can have a vague plan, there's no point doing or saying anything to the company until you have a confirmed pregnancy.

You are not a fraud taking this job and planning a family. If you walk away in 2 years time, having done a good job, it can be great when you are dealing with children to be able to say to yourself "I know I can't do it now, but I did a good job setting 'X' up, and I can do it again". It sounds like a good opertunity to get your teeth into a challenging job, and it isn't really something you can do with a family, so this is the time to do it.

To answer your question, I would think 'yes', this is why there are so few women in high paying jobs. It's all very well to do for a while, but it doesn't combine with a family, and many women don't want to work 24/7 forever.