I
icantbelieveitstaken
Guest
1) A 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a doctor specializing in men’s troubles and was shown into a cubicle, where he gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling stained gauze from
around his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit. On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was missing completely, and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping wound, were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one inch staple nails from an industrial staple gun. It transpired that the man spent his lunch times alone in his workshop, where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of machinery. One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his concentration, and the fan-belt had snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the floor tearing off his left nut. Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with the stapling gun, then went back to work when his colleagues returned. It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.
2) A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.
3) A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
4) A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions he noticed that his erection
was still at its full glory. Having struggled to sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, and, due to him worrying about the police finding out about his possession and indeed the use of an illegal substance he decided against visiting his doctor. However after three days of enduring headaches and nausea caused by the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital blood streams in his body as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his body and gangrene set in. As a result he lost legs, nine fingers and his penis.
5) When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my season wore on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that we weren’t the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the challenge with a “do or die” attitude , hoping things would eventually swing our way. They didn’t and to make matters worse our star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift movement, managed to slot the hip back into its socket. Then Alan began a long bloodcurdling scream To our horror, we realized that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.
around his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit. On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was missing completely, and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping wound, were a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one inch staple nails from an industrial staple gun. It transpired that the man spent his lunch times alone in his workshop, where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of machinery. One day, the excitement had caused him to lose his concentration, and the fan-belt had snatched his scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the floor tearing off his left nut. Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with the stapling gun, then went back to work when his colleagues returned. It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.
2) A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood dripping down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium inserted in his penis. The man had got the flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.
3) A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
4) A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions he noticed that his erection
was still at its full glory. Having struggled to sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, and, due to him worrying about the police finding out about his possession and indeed the use of an illegal substance he decided against visiting his doctor. However after three days of enduring headaches and nausea caused by the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital blood streams in his body as the cause of his sickness. He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his body and gangrene set in. As a result he lost legs, nine fingers and his penis.
5) When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my season wore on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that we weren’t the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the challenge with a “do or die” attitude , hoping things would eventually swing our way. They didn’t and to make matters worse our star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift movement, managed to slot the hip back into its socket. Then Alan began a long bloodcurdling scream To our horror, we realized that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.