Maintenance and income.

[lillynua]

Hi,
I am separated from my ex a number of years. We have 2 kids. (Both 11 and 14 ). In the intervening years I did not pursue any legal action. There was no maintenance agreement etc. We both paid the mortgage monthly and with the odd contribution here and there that was pretty much it. To be honest I didn’t have the time (work full time) or the emotional energy to pursue it. Since January he has stopped making any mortgage payments. I have raised a maintenance order and have a court date for summer.
He claims he has no income or little income and will stand in court and stay same.
He is a ‘cut off your nose to spite your face’ kinda guy and will impoverish himself rather than face up to this I have no doubt. He states that he pays his way with kids when he has them. Divorce looms and there is a farm on his side ( that he works on - through his fathers name ). I know he’s worried about this but I have no interest in this. I just want him to face his responsibilities. My question is what can the court do -if he legitimately has little or no income to declare ? I mean bar the judge tells him to get off his backside and get a job ? Of course he has income but I know him. He’ll declare breadline poverty farmer rather than pay me . It’s the hill he’s prepared to die on. I’m not looking for legal advice. I’m meeting solicitor soon, but if anyone has had any experience or same I’d appreciate you sharing.
thank you

 

[Thirsty]

He claims he has no income or little income and will stand in court and stay same.

All parents have a legal obligation to support their children; regardless of how low he believes his income to be, some portion of it is the right and entitlement of his children.

Plenty of parents living solely on social welfare still make sure to support their children (I'm not saying it's easy, but they feed, house, clothe and educate to the best of their ability).

He has to submit an Affidavit of Means which shows his full income and expenditure.

Where necessary he can be ordered to provide supporting documentation.

Judges have been known to tell parents to go get a job and support their children.

Judges are known to take a very dim view of perjury.

I'm taking it that you do not have any legal separation agreement at this time? Did you have any arrangement in place in regards to the family home?

 

[lillynua]

Hi Thirsty,

Thanks for replying. No we do not have a legal separation agreement. We agreed at time of separating that I would stay in the family home until the youngest finished college and then we would sell.
We did try mediation a few years ago, but honestly it was a waste of time. He just couldn't see past his hurt (I ended marriage) and had no interest in mediating anything. I have since tried to arrange another appointment (at his suggestion) with a mediator but now he refuses to engage. If it involves effort of any kind on his part he just can't/won't do it.
To be really technical about it, I was paying him 60% of the mortgage per month and he was paying the balance. The mortgage comes from his account and he refused to change it. (again that would require effort and power). So for the sake of peace and a roof over our heads I carried on, with the proviso that I informed the bank that we were in fact separated. Each 'payment' from me to him is clearly marked as a mortgage payment.
Early this year he told me that because I was in a new relationship he was no longer paying. To be clear, my partner does not live with me or have anything to do with my separation or home .
On a separate note the mortgage had been on a reduced rate which is due to end in August. I have been in contact with the bank and they are aware of my situation and his refusal to pay. They are also aware that the mortgage 'bounces' every month from his account. I can see this from online banking. At that point I make a payment.
He will die on this hill and its so sad to witness. He will absolutely impoverish himself if it means impoverishing me too.
I can't save from him from himself, but I hope he comes to his senses. At the end of the day, he is my children's father and they love him.

 

[Thirsty]

So, fun fact #1 - you two are both still legally married.

Fun fact #2 - you are both still liable for the mortgage payments.

Personal opinion - your mortgage payment arrangements are bonkers and it's clearly being used as a controlling tactic.

So stop allowing yourself to be controlled.

Set up a standing order now directly to the bank for the same payments you were previously making; better still, if you can afford to do so, pay the full amount of the mortgage.

When the rate changes, modify your portion of the mortgage accordingly (or make the full payment if you can afford to do so).

When you see your Solicitor, file for divorce, child maintenance, pension waivers and settlement of the family home equity in direct proportion to the mortgage payments made.

Better yet, again if you can afford to do so, see if you can raise the money to buy out his share. For that to work though, you'll need to make sure there's no arrears.

These mills grind very slowly at best, and COVID is making them slower. The entire process will take at best two years; and you'll need to emotionally disengage. He is making his choices; you have to make yours.

 

[Purple]

Of course he has income but I know him. He’ll declare breadline poverty farmer rather than pay me . It’s the hill he’s prepared to die on. I’m not looking for legal advice. I’m meeting solicitor soon, but if anyone has had any experience or same I’d appreciate you sharing.

My advice is try to avoid emotionally charged statements such as the above, stick to what you can prove, not what you think you know, and do what your solicitor tells you after you meet them.
He's hurt and emotional, he's lost his home and sees you moving on emotionally and financially. You seems to be resentful that he can't accept reality. None of that matters in the context of a divorce or a financial settlement. A judge has heard it all before and will act in what they consider to be the best interests of both of your children, that is unless they take a dislike to either of you in which case it's a roll of the dice what happens.

 

[lillynua]

Thank you for responding Purple and noted.
You are correct- none of it matters in the context of divorce.

 

[lillynua]

So, fun fact #1 - you two are both still legally married.

Fun fact #2 - you are both still liable for the mortgage payments.

Personal opinion - your mortgage payment arrangements are bonkers and it's clearly being used as a controlling tactic.

So stop allowing yourself to be controlled.

Set up a standing order now directly to the bank for the same payments you were previously making; better still, if you can afford to do so, pay the full amount of the mortgage.

When the rate changes, modify your portion of the mortgage accordingly (or make the full payment if you can afford to do so).

When you see your Solicitor, file for divorce, child maintenance, pension waivers and settlement of the family home equity in direct proportion to the mortgage payments made.

Better yet, again if you can afford to do so, see if you can raise the money to buy out his share. For that to work though, you'll need to make sure there's no arrears.

These mills grind very slowly at best, and COVID is making them slower. The entire process will take at best two years; and you'll need to emotionally disengage. He is making his choices; you have to make yours.

Thank you Thirsty. Seeing it reflected to me yes it is bonkers. There are some great points for me to discuss with solicitor when I meet her.