ailbhe - I read your thread over on boards on this issue - Ive actually been thinking about it ever since, although I wasnt able to reply at the time, I will do so here.
I think your ex needs to cop himself on. There are a number of things I see wrong with his reasoning on this issue.
1: Your child (especially at age 7) is going to feel like a guest who is in the way if she is expected to move beds around depending on who else stays. Your ex should be respecting her space and allowing her the same space whenever she stays over.
2: I dont think a walk in wardrobe is suitable accomodation for a child on an overnight in her fathers. Would she be expected to stay in that cramped space with the door open or closed?
3: Following on from 2, it is not appropriate for your child to be sleeping in a bedroom where 2 adults in a relationship share a bed. She is 7 years old. If the walk in wardrobe door would be left open its the same as being in the room with them. It doesnt set a good example, your ex must be mad to consider it at all.
The appropriate solution is that your ex's GF sleeps in a different room on the 1 night a month where they would both be there.
Your ex needs to put the welfare of your child first.
I wouldnt imagine any legalities exist about childrens sleeping space, that would be fairly nanny state-ish!!
Funny enough there are when it comes to providing minimum floor space per head in bedrooms for Bean an ti in the Gaeltacht.
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Funny enough there are when it comes to providing minimum floor space per head in bedrooms for Bean an ti in the Gaeltacht.
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Maybe you should ask both your ex and the partner over for a calm discussion on it? Then she would hear your side of things.
I just dont see how any woman could agree with this mad proposal of his and think its ok.
He has rented out rooms and now wants to move the child into what was the walk in wardrobe off his bedroom.
/quote]
If he has rented out the other rooms where is his partner supposed to sleep when his child is over?
Bronte - usually the child sleeps in the fathers room in a seperate bed when she stays over. There is another spare room but as there is a male housemate in the house its preferable for the child and her father to share a room on overnights. On one night a month the childs overnight coincides with the fathers GF staying over. The GF is a stranger to the child.
It is inappropriate for a child of 7 to witness her father and stranger GF sharing a bed - you may think otherwise, personally I think it is inappropriate. It does not set a good example to the child, the father and GF do not live together, and the GF has no relationship with the child.
Fathers solution to this is to put child in wardrobe.
An alternative solution would be on that one night a month the GF stays in spare room. Father refuses to entertain this notion.
The child is already confused/upset about situation with break up, new GF, father letting her down with broken access agreements etc... (I know some of this from another thread from OP on boards.ie).
I agree with OP that the father is not putting the childs welfare first. Child is going to feel like an unwelcome visitor if she gets relegated to wardrobe when GF (who is a stranger to child) stays. Father should be respecting his childs space and not expecting her to go in wardrobe when his GF could quite reasonably stay in spare room ONE night a month - its not a huge concession on himself and GF if she were to do that. Its only 12 nights a year, and perhaps as child gets to know GF things will change, or as child gets older she herself can stay in spare room (or if housemate moves out etc...).
I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable in her expectations that her child is not relegated to wardrobe in favour of a stranger to the child sleeping in the fathers bed with him - as the childs introduction to the GF. OP also mentioned in other thread that counseller had recommended slow intro of child and new GF and father had agreed to this (child quite upset at new GF and feels abandoned by father), but now suddenly wants intro to consist of child being relegated to wardrobe while new GF sleeps in fathers bed. The whole thing just smacks of the father not putting his childs welfare first.
The OP is perfectly open to child forming relationship with new GF, but would prefer do go about it as counseller suggested, not as father is suggesting. Another issue for OP is father shuts down and refuses to communicate if she disagrees with any aspect of his plans and will not compromise, so now that she has raised areas of concern he is unwilling to have any conversation on the subject unless OP gives in to his plan with no changes. OP is concerned that if she disallows this scenario child now suffers because she was promised more time with father by father but once he shuts down no compromise is possible - and OP is not happy with original plan.
I agree but the child has a problem with it. To quote her "but what if I can't sleep because they are kissing". Child was unaware up to this that girlfriend was even sharing dads bed. That caught me by surprise because she saw me and her dad share a bed. But when I mentioned that GF would be in dads room she laughed and said "sure, she sleeps in the green room" (spare room). The innocence of children.If the wardrobe is the only space the father has and the only space he can afford then I don't see the problem if the child doesn't have a problem with it
I agree that it's his business until it is a case that my daughter is witnessing it.There seems to be a moral issue about the fact that he is sleeping with another person whom his is in a relationship with, I think that's his business.
The separate bedroom would mean child would be able to go to toilet in the night and get up in the morning without disturbing dad/seeing him in bed with girlfriend. The walk in means there is no way out of the room other than through the dads bedroom.I don't get the niceties of the room being off the bedroom or being a seperate bedroom, we don't all have that luxury.
I have my doubts. Within a week of myself and him splitting up he had photos of him and new partner all over the house which greatly confused child who was only 5 at the time. Appropriateness wouldn't be his forte.I'm sure they as a couple will take care while the child is there not to disturb the child. (Radio/close the door/ensure child is asleep etc).
I wouldn't introduce my child to a man and the same night have us all sleeping in the same room.If the OP is in a relationship and brings a partner home what is the difference?
Bit of a difference between sharing with parents and siblings and sharing with your dad and a woman you just met.There are many Irish people who shared their parents rooms until quite an older age due to lack of space, there are many who shared a bed or bedroom with loads of their siblings and mixed siblings at that, it's not ideal but if you have 10 people in a 2 or 3 bedroomed house that's what's going to happen.
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