In over my head

P

Penny_Less

Registered User
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15
Hello, I just registered as I'd like some advice on debt and coping with it.

I had a great job, now I don't. I've also discovered I have a long term progressive illness. The stress of all the debt I have is killing me. There are times where I feel like the only way out of this is to do something silly, which I have attempted numerous times over the last few months. I think I have a handle on this now though.

I have my mortgage (but they are being brilliant with me).
I have a car on finance, but I live very very rural with no transport links so I've been reluctant to give this back. This debt has now been passed to collectors too.
I have an overdraft in my old bank account for 10k
I have a credit card debt that was passed to a collector and then passed to a solicitor for 11k. They sent me a letter to say a judgement had been passed, and they were bringing me to court to talk about payments.
My ESB bill is in excess of 2k
I can't heat my house because I couldn't pay the last batch of oil.

I was talking to MABS by phone a few months back and I wrote to my car lender and mortgage lender. Mortgage gave me 6 months off and the car said they would get back to me. They never did, but sent the debt to the collectors.
I get letters every day, and as much as I know I should get in to communication, I burn them.

I don't even know what I hope to gain by posting, but I just needed to offload. I can't talk to my parents about it, as they are in no position to help and it would just stress them out completely.

The social welfare I get every week is much appreciated, however it doesn't leave a lot left over to make offers of payments.

I feel absolutely lost and I don't know what to do. I hide in my house all of the time and avoid anything from the postman you might have to sign for. I don't feel suicidal now, but I really can't see any other way.
 
At the end of the day, it's just money. If you have to give up the house and car, and go to live with family or friends, it will give you a chance to focus on your own health, and to breathe again.
Many of us have had to start over, new career, new country or whatever. Until you free yourself of your debts you can't think straight. Talk to MABA again, but be prepared to let go of things you can't afford.
Don't give up on life; think of this as a change, a new direction. What do you really want? You're not defined by your posessions.
 
Hi Pennyless, that is a terrible situation, you are right to post, there are people here who can give great advice - not sure I'm one of them though but I do feel for you! From what I can see, talking to Mabs again might be the way to go, to get agreements with your creditors that you pay some small amount off, whatever you can afford, I saw a post here last night where someone with a lot of debt had, through Mabs, managed to agree a payment of 30 per week, managable and keeping them all at bay until things improve for you. Please don't hide from it, if you ignore it it will get worse, hard to face up to it I know, but the only thing to cure worry is action. And please please put bad thoughts out of your head, nothing is worth that, you don't want to upset your parents by telling them of your debt so please don't end their whole world by doing anything silly.

.....and maybe think again about talking to them about it, they are probably stronger than you think, have probably been through their own hard times and will be able to advise you. Sorry I don't have more practical advice (others on the site will, I'm sure) but I wish you all the best, please hang in there, get onto mabs, try to get something agreed and this will get better,
 
Thanks for your replies. I wouldn't burden my parents with it. I am rich compared to them at the moment. My Dad, despite working for years can't get the dole as he was self employed, despite paying thousands and thousands in taxs over the years.

I am not single, I live with my husband, but he can't contribute for various reasons.

How can I let go on my possessions though? They are not massive luxuries, it's a roof over my head and transport which I desperatly need as I attend the hospital a lot.

I think its the worry of court, which is enevitable at this stage.
 
hippy, sorry I only saw your post after I posted. You post made a lot of sense to me, thanks :)
 
Yeah, think our posts crossed. Is there anyone you could borrow a car from when you need it, maybe your parents ( are they near?) and give yours back?
 
That's another thing, I live in the sticks and all my family and friends are in Cork, a good 2 hour + drive. It costs a tenner to get a taxi to the train station, and that's a tenner back too.
 
Yikes, I see what you mean. You need to talk to Mabs again, try to meet with them rather than over the phone, and in the meantime you need to open every letter, they have to know what the situation is to be able to approach it. See if they could arrange for you to go interest only on the mtg for a while, with Esb and Cc hopefully make some arrangement to pay small amounts - however small, if you talk to them they are more likely to be open to agreeing to something than if you're stonewalling them
 
Hi there,

I know your feeling overwhelmed, and thus not able to cope, but you dont have to deal with this on your own. Go into MABS in person with all your paperwork. They will do up and income and expenditure and negociate with your creditors on your behalf, they will work out what you can afford.

Have your applied for the Mortgage Interest Supplement? If you put the Mortgage on Interest Only and then you get a payment towards the interest, that will keep the roof over your head.

Make sure you are getting everything your entitled to.

We have been self employed so I know what its like to worry about money, but dont torture yourself.

At one point, there is no way we could pay everything, so I did up a income and expenditure, and then wrote to each creditor renegotiating each loan across the board providing them with the statement. They all agreed with my proposal.

I really urge you to go to MABS as this is what they are doing every day of the week. Then you can get back to some normality and look after your health.

Best of luck.
caz
 
things will get better penny less. Go out, take a book and go for a picnic this weekend. You don't need money for everything and you should try not to allow this to get you down.
 
I'd check your insurance policies. My friend got very sick a few years back (she was single) Her brother looked at her insurance policies and got her mortgage paid off.
 
God I feel your pain but please don't ignore letters that will only make matters worse...... but talk to the agencies involved as at the end of the day you can only pay what you can afford while being left with enough to get by and that will take some of the pressure off you that you feel now.
 
Hi Pennyless. Although you are bot in a good situation at the moment, you need to keep going and try to stay positive. I know it is easier said than done but at the end of the day it is only money and your health, physical & mental should be your priority. At the same time, you can not ignore the situation as it will not go away. I am glad to see though that you are facing it even though it is stressing you out.

You mentioned that you spoke to MABS a while ago...I think you should talk to them ASAP. You can not be alone in this, you HAVE to have a support system around you. From both an institution that will be able to advise you but also from your family. You said that you could not talk to your parents as they would not be in a position to help you financially. What about moral support??? Being able to talk about it with someone, will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish you the very best of luck and keep us updated.
 
Hi , I cannot offer you financial advice , but rest assured you are not alone ,so many now find themselves in your position. The stress of all this is making you ill , ive found myself in this position before, you need to sort your stress levels first , i found meditating helped , watch youtube meditating videos for tips , i like the video 11 useful tips for how to use the secret. , put things in perspective , i know its hard to ignore but f**k it , this is your life, dont let money ruin it. we only get one life and to let money worries rule it is pointless. new start , keep smilin : ) there will be a day soon when you will laugh at yourself for worrying like this .
 
Hi I just came across this and I can feel your pain and your anixety as I read it.
Haveyou spoken to your husband about all this? Does he know ALL of it, all of your debt and all of your worry? Maybe if you really write it all down he can help with payments or at least load some of the worry off your head. Because if you dont share this worry you will get very very sick... I was lucky as in when I lost my very good job last yr I did get a pay off so I cleared HUGE amount of CC debt etc.. People think of she got a great pay off shes laughing now for a few yrs but I had big big debts.. Who's fault. my own. I thought I would work forever, treated money like ****... I now appreciate every cent I have and I RESPECT my money for first time in my life.... You need to share this.. please
 
Hello

Thanks everyone who replied. Just an update. I got my electricity turned off, but after much begging and crying, they turned it back on and installed a meter. One less bill coming in the door.
I have told my parents after another attempt at what I mentioned above, it was quite a relief to speak with them.

I have contacted 'some' creditors. Now just waiting to see what happens next.
 
Penny_Less said:
Hello

Thanks everyone who replied. Just an update. I got my electricity turned off, but after much begging and crying, they turned it back on and installed a meter. One less bill coming in the door.
I have told my parents after another attempt at what I mentioned above, it was quite a relief to speak with them.

I have contacted 'some' creditors. Now just waiting to see what happens next.
Click to expand...

Hi Penny - I am more concerned about your attempts on your own life and your health situation than your fianncial situation. Put all your cards on the table with MABs or without them. Do not be afraid of court. You will be amazed at how sympathetic the court will be and the small amount they will declare you should pay. Seek professional (free) help through your GP for your psychological health. Get the doctors on board as well as it will help in court. You are far from alone today and you need to talk to others in a similar situation. Good luck. Slim
 
Thanks Slim. I presented myself to my GP along with my husband last December and told him what I was doing. I was referred on to a consultant, who told me she needed to refer me on to someone else. I have been chasing this back and forward for an appointment, and still 6 months on and they know I am at risk, but looks like a lot of other people are too.
 
Hi Pennyless,
Ive some practical questions:

Could you sell your house and rent somewhere nearer family and friends?

Could you sell your car and get a cheap little runaround?

What kind of income does your husband have, if any?

Can ye sit down together and, excluding debt for a minute, come up with a weekly spend plan that covers groceries and day to day expenses - if its high start looking at where cuts can be made (like shopping in cheaper places like Lidl), and try and get a manageable amount going weekly to cover day to day living, then see whats left over after cuts/adjustments and just use that to make very small payments to creditors? If you make any very small payments it will look much better if things go to court - at least you have been making an effort.

Junk - do a clear out, sell your stuff at a car boot sale - a friend of mine made over 300 euro with a clear out sale like that.

Mental health - all of the above is minor compared to looking after your mental health - please talk to people if you are feeling suicidal - its not an answer, its something that would have a terrible effect on many people around you.

Good luck with it all - you WILL get through this. There will be another good job, change of circumstance, windfall etc....

This too shall pass, and dont forget that.
 
Hi Truthseeker,

Thanks. We had looked at that option, but rent is high, higher than our mortgage in the area friends and family live.

The car isn't worth much now, and we couldn't afford a push-bike at the moment. I worried about that too, as if they lifted it one day we'd have nothing to get us around.

Husband has no income at present.

We actually did this this morning, a statement of means type of thing. With just necessities we still overspend by 20euro per week.

Definitely have the junk planned, probably have stuff left from the 'good days' that people would love.

RE: Mental Health - rang the hospital there earlier to try and speed things up.

I love your last two lines, thank you :)
 
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