Help! Want to take over wife's 1/2 of Mortgage

[Bronte]

This cannot be all one sided and if it went that way surely there would not be a court in the land that would agree with the bank to reposses the family home when the occupant has made it extremely clear that he will pay the debt & has given securities for that debt along with the fact that I have never missed a payment & dont intend to.

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Have you talked to a solicitor. It's entirely possible that your wife could stay in the family home and that you'd have to pay her maintenance and you'd only have enough left over to rent a small flat. It's not an uncommon situation for men (in particular) in your circumstances. You are trying to come to an arrangement whereby each spouse has a family home, but you've not posted up the figures to see if this is doable. Also it's not clear what your wife actually wants. What she is saying to you may not be what she is thinking of doing.

I don't think you should get your dad involved in this mess. The 3 rentals are his only income. His involvement would be unfair on him and no doubt a solicitor would advice him not to become involved.

I realise your not in a good place right now, but arguing here about the rights and wrongs of the banks view, well they don't care about that. It is you who have to demonstrate in figures, not emotions of maritial splits that you can afford to get what you want.

Can you afford for her to stay in the house and you to rent somewhere, while you pay her maintenance, or vice versa. But I fear if you force her to move out, she will make the ultimate move to the UK. You are going to have to think through every option very carefully not just the preferred option. It would be far better if you both would talk and decide what can be done and who is willing to do what. Very difficult, sometimes impossible. There are no winners, and better to make the choice that is in the best interest of the children.

Sorry now for being tough, but being nice is not going to help you. You really need the advice of a good family solicitor.

 

[lowpoint]

Have you talked to a solicitor. It's entirely possible that your wife could stay in the family home and that you'd have to pay her maintenance and you'd only have enough left over to rent a small flat. It's not an uncommon situation for men (in particular) in your circumstances. You are trying to come to an arrangement whereby each spouse has a family home, but you've not posted up the figures to see if this is doable. Also it's not clear what your wife actually wants. What she is saying to you may not be what she is thinking of doing

That is a possibilty but I have many things on my side also to suggest the kids would be better off with me. Either way it's not an avenue either of us want to explore. I dont know what figures you require to see if its possible to have two family homes. I can afford the mortgage on my own (You will just have to trust me) & my wife (assuming her to be debt free) will have enough to rent & live a normal life. It's very possible. Obviously what my wife says she wants I have to work with rather than assuming she is playing games and thinking otherwise.

No matter what way you look at it she & I are better off individually if we can achive the desired outcome of me taking her off the mortgae debt free and have seperate homes with the kids seeing both of us 50/50.

I don't think you should get your dad involved in this mess. The 3 rentals are his only income. His involvement would be unfair on him and no doubt a solicitor would advice him not to become involved.

I realise your not in a good place right now, but arguing here about the rights and wrongs of the banks view, well they don't care about that. It is you who have to demonstrate in figures, not emotions of maritial splits that you can afford to get what you want.

I am also a parent & no matter what I would do anything for my kids and although this is far from what I want he is more than willing to help out in order to do the best for his kids & now grandchildren. I dont think that changes no matter what age you are. I have explored all avenues and am also extremely upset & disappointed in the fact that I have had to come to him for help but thats what family is for. I would offer my father everything I had if it was the other way round if I'm honest but i do take your point on board.

Can you afford for her to stay in the house and you to rent somewhere, while you pay her maintenance, or vice versa. But I fear if you force her to move out, she will make the ultimate move to the UK. You are going to have to think through every option very carefully not just the preferred option. It would be far better if you both would talk and decide what can be done and who is willing to do what. Very difficult, sometimes impossible. There are no winners, and better to make the choice that is in the best interest of the children.

Sorry now for being tough, but being nice is not going to help you. You really need the advice of a good family solicitor.

Yes I can but would have literally nothing left to move on with my life (that might sound selfish but I am doing everything I can to suit the needs of all concerned) We are both convinced that doing this would be best for the kids and ourselves.

Your advice is not tough - it is fair & factual which is what I have to deal with one way or another Bronte. I will not force my wife out as that's not going to help anyone and I have never suggested that I would. I am looking for solutions for her equally as much as I am for me. The only way she will move to the Uk is if she gets saddled with the NE debt which I will not allow to happen. She would also have to leave her job, eldest child and everything she knows & loves which is really a last option and quite frankly I dont see us ever getting to that stage anyway.

I really cant say much more until I speak to the powers that be. Upon hearing what they have to say we will decide what's best at that stage and see what happens. I think the most frustrating thing is that everything moves so slow and it's taking a bit of getting used to. I certainly dont mean to be arguing the rights & wrongs of the banks point of view but I dont & wont believe until told personally otherwise that they will allow two people walk away from this situation and lose money hand over fist as opposed to working out a plan with us in order to complete our agreed contract albeit with a different payment plan of sorts.

Again I really dont know what to do and can only hope at this stage.

That's all I have got at the moment. Once that goes what's the point.

Thanks for the reply Bronte.

 

[PaddyW]

I can't really offer you any advice on this, all I can offer are my best wishes. Keep the head up and try not to get yourself down. You are a father that your kids can be damn proud of, never forget that.

 

[lowpoint]

I can't really offer you any advice on this, all I can offer are my best wishes. Keep the head up and try not to get yourself down. You are a father that your kids can be damn proud of, never forget that.

Thanks for the kind words Paddy

Appreciate it.

 

[lowpoint]

Update......

When all things were considered I decided to cancel all plans to buy my wife out.............

In fairness the bank would not have been keen to do so unless I involved my father and the more I thought about it, the more I was not prepared to risk my fathers investment and / or his savings to help me out.

I never seen my seperation coming and it got me thinking that I also dont know whats around the corner in relation to my job etc.........

There were also so many factors to consider with my attempt to buy her out such as creche, afterschool care coming next September (way away but had to be factored in) and my eldest being in school nowhere near this house. Obviously i cant expect you guys to understand everything but having taken these in account it just seemed a BIG risk that I was unwilling to take.

So what have i decided to do then?

I decided to move out to my mothers house (Really did not want to) for the sake of my kids. Myself & my wife could not live in the same house although things were very polite & friendly it just didnt feel like we could move on. Maybe I felt like I could'nt move on as I still love her but seeing her each and every day knowing that it was not ever going to be the same was extremely difficult.

She is going to pay €850 pm while living there as per normal with absolutely no disruption to her life & I will pay €550 pm towards the mortgage (Is that fair - i dont know & its not really a big concern for me as I'm caught up with my kids needs at the moment) I will also pay maintenance even though I will have the kids for exactly the same amount of time as my wife (Definitely not fair IMO but the law nonetheless) I will also be paying keep to my mother as the children will be in her house when spending their time with me. I will not allow my mother to take over in the minding of the children as I want her house to feel like their dads home as quick as I can so I will be making sure all the things I did at home are now done here also. Through no fault of mine, mothers or kids i do not want them to look back in future years and have the opinion that they were partially brought up by their nanny. She will always help out and I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well but it's something I'm afraid of.

I did all this because the happiness of my children is the most important aspect of my life right now. I am not in a good place currently and am living day by day. I have no idea if what I'm doing is the right thing to do but I have no choice.

I am planning to do this financial plan (worked out with my wife last week) for 30 days and see how it works out for both of us and this is all part of a 6 month plan with the living arrangements as per above.

My solicitor has said not to worry about paying less than my wife in relation to the mortgage payments as when we come to sell (if we do, many years away and who knows whats going to happen) the home will be split 50/50.

Not really sure if anything else needs to be said so thanks to all who have read this thread and given advice.

The hard work starts now

 

[Bronte]

My solicitor has said not to worry about paying less than my wife in relation to the mortgage payments as when we come to sell (if we do, many years away and who knows whats going to happen) the home will be split 50/50.

That's an extraordinary statement. Nobody knows what a judge will order. Other than the 850 your wife will continue to pay, can she afford to pay more?

That great the kids can go and live with your nanny, as long as she is happy which most grannies I guess would be. Good for the kids too and good for you. Nothing like family when the chips are down.

 

[Niallerz]

It is an unfortunate situation you have found yourself in.

I would definitely get a solicitors advice on this. Although you say everything is amicable at the moment, anything can happen. If you do buy your wife out don't forget that until you are divorced everything both you and her own is shared so essentially all you would be doing is paying a lump sum and she is still entitled to half the house. It does not really settle anything legally, if i were you I would try come up with a temporary solution and sort out whats going to happen with the house/mortgage in a divorce settlement, presuming you will divorce at some stage.